You wrote "murder is wrong UNLESS it is in self defense, or you are at war..." In self defence, or in times of war, or various other circumstances, it's by definition not murder
All those circumstances may be perceived differently by each individual subjectively. In addition, I perceive it to be unjust to kill even in self defense 99% of the time, so to me, it is indeed called murder. (The self defense shit, and the list was sarcasm) Nothing anyone can say will change that because those are my beliefs and I am entitled to them.
With that said, am I using the word incorrectly? No ... The problem is, you are thinking in terms of total absolutes.