From sitting up straight to passing things accross the table, there are some things people still don't know. Edward Fenner writes.
In Part I of this article, we learned a bit about table manners. Now we'll focus on the finer elements of civilized dining.
Table manners exist for a reason. Good manners show a civility and respect for your tablemates. While manners vary from culture to culture, good conduct is still the norm. Acting like a barnyard animal at the trough won’t take you very far, nor will it garner you much respect. Besides, gentlemen just don’t do that.
Dinner is Served
Once dinner is under way, remember that it’s not a race to the finish. Pace yourself. Likewise, if you are last and holding up the next course, or perhaps dessert, maybe you are talking too much. Be aware of the scene and how it’s unfolding.
In respect to posture, there are only three things to remember:
Children may be served first, something small to get them started and to keep them occupied, but nothing messy. Otherwise, senior guests at the table should be given first opportunity at whatever they like. This shows respect and deference. Follow their cues.
Condiments
Some people like ketchup. It goes great with fries, burgers, and hot dogs. However, few things will break a host’s heart like asking for ketchup when a special dinner is served – or worse, you then drown your meal in the red goop.
Mustards are often available. Standard yellow mustard is not the way to go (think ketchup, only yellow). Dijon mustard is a common dinner counterpart. Whole grain mustards come in a wide assortment. Try some.
Horseradish is a common addition to beef. Chutneys are sometimes served with chicken or pork.
Salt, pepper, and a few items like nutmeg, paprika, or parsley flakes are also commonly available. Salt and pepper should be moved together even if only the one is asked for and they should be put onto the table, not into someone’s hand. This prevents the opportunity for it to be mishandled and dropped. Pass the stuff along and ask the person next to pass it along.
If something you like is missing from the table, you may ask the host if they have what you are looking for available. Don’t ask for something unusual you may have at home, but may not be something your host would have. It suggests that you are not satisfied with the way the food tastes and could be interpreted as insulting. It may be deliberate on the host’s part to NOT have certain add-ons available so as not to change the intended flavoring.
Forks and Fingers
For most proper sit-down meals, tools are used. Forks, knives, and spoons are pretty much universal. If chopsticks are presented, use them if you know how. If you don’t, do give them a try. If you cannot manage them or are concerned about making a mess, it’s okay to ask for western cutlery.
Some foods are meant to be eaten with your fingers. Chicken fingers can be eaten either way. Regular chicken is borderline. Proper dining calls for tools – picnics call for fingers. Burgers, fries, dogs, ribs, subs, bread, sandwiches, cookies, hors d’ouveres, and stemmed fruits are all finger friendly. Sates and kebabs are okay to hold in your hand, but the items should be removed to your plate with your fork.
It’s not Lemon Soup
Finger bowls are coming back into style. They are common at restaurants where a lot of finger-foods are served (chicken, ribs, etc.), but are not very common at private dinners. More recently, these accessories are finding a place at the table again. Finger bowls usually contain a bit warm water and a small chunk of lemon. Dip your fingertips in the bowl, but don’t use the bowl as a mini sink. After dipping, clean off your fingers on your napkin.
Dinner Delay
It happens sometimes. Things don’t go according to plan and dinner will be late. Go with the flow. Good hosts already know what’s going on, so don’t ask. If the meal is going to be delayed more than 15 minutes, the host will likely put something small out to tide things over. If you have a particular dietary requirement to eat by a certain time, privately ask the host if there is something you can have. Good hosts will accommodate.
Delay or no delay, the host will give the go-ahead to eat. If people are slow to respond and you are alone at the table or buffet, do not go ahead. Wait for at least one other person. If nobody comes, invite someone to get the process started. Unless it is a cold buffet dinner, the host will not appreciate going through all the trouble of preparing a hot meal only to have it go cold and uneaten.
Gadgets and Gizmos
Cell phones, PDAs, Blackberries, iPods, and other toys and personal entertainment devices are not cool at dinner. Only a few professionals and laypersons really need to be available during dinner (doctors, etc.). If you must be available, keep your phone on vibrate and if it does go off, excuse yourself from the table.
_____________________________
dinner rules
The elements of fine table manners are subjective and should not be taken too literally. Just be kind and courteous – always remember that food is a social event and should be treated as such.
Table manners exist for a reason. Good manners show a civility and respect for your tablemates. While manners vary from culture to culture, good conduct is still the norm. Acting like a barnyard animal at the trough won’t take you very far, nor will it garner you much respect. Besides, gentlemen just don’t do that.
Dinner is Served
Once dinner is under way, remember that it’s not a race to the finish. Pace yourself. Likewise, if you are last and holding up the next course, or perhaps dessert, maybe you are talking too much. Be aware of the scene and how it’s unfolding.
In respect to posture, there are only three things to remember:
- Don’t slouch
- Keep your elbows off the table
- Keep your feet still and flat on the floor
Children may be served first, something small to get them started and to keep them occupied, but nothing messy. Otherwise, senior guests at the table should be given first opportunity at whatever they like. This shows respect and deference. Follow their cues.
Condiments
Some people like ketchup. It goes great with fries, burgers, and hot dogs. However, few things will break a host’s heart like asking for ketchup when a special dinner is served – or worse, you then drown your meal in the red goop.
Mustards are often available. Standard yellow mustard is not the way to go (think ketchup, only yellow). Dijon mustard is a common dinner counterpart. Whole grain mustards come in a wide assortment. Try some.
Horseradish is a common addition to beef. Chutneys are sometimes served with chicken or pork.
Salt, pepper, and a few items like nutmeg, paprika, or parsley flakes are also commonly available. Salt and pepper should be moved together even if only the one is asked for and they should be put onto the table, not into someone’s hand. This prevents the opportunity for it to be mishandled and dropped. Pass the stuff along and ask the person next to pass it along.
If something you like is missing from the table, you may ask the host if they have what you are looking for available. Don’t ask for something unusual you may have at home, but may not be something your host would have. It suggests that you are not satisfied with the way the food tastes and could be interpreted as insulting. It may be deliberate on the host’s part to NOT have certain add-ons available so as not to change the intended flavoring.
Forks and Fingers
For most proper sit-down meals, tools are used. Forks, knives, and spoons are pretty much universal. If chopsticks are presented, use them if you know how. If you don’t, do give them a try. If you cannot manage them or are concerned about making a mess, it’s okay to ask for western cutlery.
Some foods are meant to be eaten with your fingers. Chicken fingers can be eaten either way. Regular chicken is borderline. Proper dining calls for tools – picnics call for fingers. Burgers, fries, dogs, ribs, subs, bread, sandwiches, cookies, hors d’ouveres, and stemmed fruits are all finger friendly. Sates and kebabs are okay to hold in your hand, but the items should be removed to your plate with your fork.
It’s not Lemon Soup
Finger bowls are coming back into style. They are common at restaurants where a lot of finger-foods are served (chicken, ribs, etc.), but are not very common at private dinners. More recently, these accessories are finding a place at the table again. Finger bowls usually contain a bit warm water and a small chunk of lemon. Dip your fingertips in the bowl, but don’t use the bowl as a mini sink. After dipping, clean off your fingers on your napkin.
Dinner Delay
It happens sometimes. Things don’t go according to plan and dinner will be late. Go with the flow. Good hosts already know what’s going on, so don’t ask. If the meal is going to be delayed more than 15 minutes, the host will likely put something small out to tide things over. If you have a particular dietary requirement to eat by a certain time, privately ask the host if there is something you can have. Good hosts will accommodate.
Delay or no delay, the host will give the go-ahead to eat. If people are slow to respond and you are alone at the table or buffet, do not go ahead. Wait for at least one other person. If nobody comes, invite someone to get the process started. Unless it is a cold buffet dinner, the host will not appreciate going through all the trouble of preparing a hot meal only to have it go cold and uneaten.
Gadgets and Gizmos
Cell phones, PDAs, Blackberries, iPods, and other toys and personal entertainment devices are not cool at dinner. Only a few professionals and laypersons really need to be available during dinner (doctors, etc.). If you must be available, keep your phone on vibrate and if it does go off, excuse yourself from the table.
_____________________________
dinner rules
The elements of fine table manners are subjective and should not be taken too literally. Just be kind and courteous – always remember that food is a social event and should be treated as such.
