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You have a calumny? Sorry, Spade. Man, I HATE it when I get a calumny! I will give you the wisdom of my people. Rub a paste of buffalo urine, dog dung, rotten marrow, and crushed poison ivy on the calumny. It probably won't help, but it will provide us with endless amusement.

Hallelujah! Wait. . . do lobsters even have souls?

I'm unaware that I'm required to. Whaddaya mean "our," white man?

Well, technically, I didn't express an opinion.

Yes, but they amuse me. Particularly when hoi polloi don't get it.

How dare you insult the Roman and Germanic religions like that!

It still does. But the other, and predecessor, meaning is "excessively excited or irrational." It comes from the root word meaning "uterus." So the etymological meaning of "hysterical" would be "acting like a woman." It wasn't a compliment. It's good that you're taking care of your ocular...

Well, that's certainly appropriate for Good Friday (good for whom? I've always wondered. Kinda sucked for Jeebus). It fits right in with the traditional hymn "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

At least as much sense as banning garments that don't cover the face because they object to face covering. And then blathering about "Canadian tradition."

In a world of hysterical overreaction to everything, it's our sacred duty to teach kids to overreact hysterically. Not that it's real difficult. The battle cry of the North American teenager is "My life is RUINED!"

Kids today need stronger lessons to get through to them. Columbine, Red Lake, Sandy Hook, that sort of thing.

Oh, well, so much for Canadian tradition. Break out the niqab!

Great, let's get back to whittling. Or not. Whatever.

That's the result of the switch from whale oil to petroleum. Can't really do good scrimshaw on refinery waste.

Whittle a lot. Once, in a fit of native pride, I chipped out a stone knife and whittled with that. Gave me a real appreciation of steel. Now I whittle with. . . a stone knife (well, technically zirconium oxide).

Death toll in Yemen rises as Saudi-led military attacks continue By Ali al-Mujahed and Brian Murphy April 1 at 6:53 AM SANAA, Yemen — An airstrike from a Saudi-led military force destroyed a dairy plant along Yemen’s Red Sea coast, killing more than two dozen people Wednesday in another...

Indiana woman jailed for “feticide.” It’s never happened before By Sarah KaplanApril 1 When Purvi Patel showed up in the St. Joseph Regional Medical Center’s maternity ward, bleeding and showing a protruding umbilical cord, Dr. Kelly McGuire immediately knew something was wrong. “There...

Ind. to ‘clarify’ new law decried as anti-gay By Sandhya Somashekhar and Mark Berman March 30 at 8:32 PM Republican lawmakers in Indiana promised Monday to amend a religious liberties bill that critics have labeled as anti-gay, bowing to protests that have rapidly spread to...

Funny. He claims derailing threads is BAD, except when he does it. Come to think, he fits right in here.

You'd be perma-banned in about five seconds.