Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson doesn't know why everyone's getting so worked up about Barack Obama (the extraordinary celebrations after his inauguration, including the carnival and ten balls, were over-the-top, sickly sweet American razmatazz).
After all, Obama is hardly the Messiah.
Barack Obama ... 'a normal human
being just like everyone else'
Barack Obama's got no chance
24 Jan 2009
The Sun
Jeremy Clarkson
YOU may have heard this week that a country on the other side of the world has a new leader and as a result everything is solved.
The North Pole has begun to freeze over again, the financial crisis is at an end, the leaders of Israel and Hamas will soon be making public man love and your iPod headphones will no longer get all tangled up when you put them down for a moment.
Meryl Streep: Bleeding heart liberal
Pretty soon, all the problems in Africa will be sorted as well because, apparently, this astonishing new leader has an amazing ability to stroll over oceans and turn fishes into huge, sprawling fields of wheat. Pausing only to cure leprosy during elevenses.
Well that’s what we’re being asked to believe by the world’s bleeding heart liberals such as Meryl Streep and Channel Four News who have got it into their heads that Barack Obama is actually a blend of Jesus, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King.
Stephen Fry ... top brain
Of course we know why they are all so excited. It’s because this boy from simple peasant stock in Kenya has overcome all the odds and all the prejudices to become the first black man to get to the top.
They’d like us to believe that no one has done this before and that while all the other black men pick cotton and sing about the Camptown Races, Obama has taken off the shackles of slavery and gone on to greatness.
Obviously, they weren’t looking when Nelson Mandela pulled off a similar trick in South Africa.
Pickle
Or Tiger Woods in golf, Arthur Ashe in tennis, Lewis Hamilton in motor racing, Muhammad Ali in boxing, and Will Smith, Denzel Washington and Eddie Murphy in the movies.
That’s the thing, you see. While the soft-centred left see Barack as a black man, I don’t. I see him as a man.
A normal human being with knees, ears and a nose just like everyone else. Which is what scares me to death.
The world is in a proper pickle right now. Quite apart from the usual problems like disease, war, starvation, genocide and the Daily Mail’s obsession with Jonathan Ross, we have a banking system that is no longer on its knees. It isn’t even coughing up blood.
It’s dead. And getting it back to life again is going to take more money than the world actually has.
In Britain, for instance, the banks are exposed to 400 per cent more than the country as a whole earns in a year. And in America, it’s even worse. So Obama can forget about all the promises he’s made because the fact is, every single penny that every single American has is going to be needed simply to get the banks going.
It’s imperative because without the banks, there is no business. And with no business there are no jobs. And that in turn means there is no food on the table.
Without banks, we’re back in the Stone Age.
I could not sort out the mess. No-one I know could sort out the mess. Not even Stephen Fry, who is possibly the cleverest person I’ve ever met.
So what chance is there for Obama?
If he really were the Messiah, then maybe we’d be in with a chance. But he isn’t. So we aren’t.
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Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo, who recently took a dive in his Ferrari, says he considers himself a “good” driver.
And in other news, the Pope claims he’s “good” at sex, Kia says it’s “good” at making cars and the mother of Shannon Matthews says she is “good” looking.
thesun.co.uk
