Al Gore to battle global cooling
Global warming has been at the forefront of issues concerning the world’s scientists for decades. Environmental activists have taken a staunch anti-global warming stance as they attempt to spread the word and educate as many people as possible on the dangers of the greenhouse effect.
All that changed on July 7th, 2007 when the organization known as Save Our Selves launched Live Earth. The Live Earth event, which consisted of a series of concerts held around the world, was co-chaired by former U.S. Vice President Al Gore. Unfortunately, an unexpected problem arose from the day’s transpirings.
“Live Earth was phenomenal”, Gore reports. “My only concern is that it worked too well. According to my most recent numbers, we’re beginning to see global cooling emerge as a legitimate threat.”
The statistics back up this statement. The day after the event, millions of Americans sold off, destroyed, or publicly burned their SUV’s and other gas-guzzling cars. The United Nations Environment Programme estimates that over 1,000,000,000 trees were planted in direct response to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, potentially resulting in drastic overforestization.
Governmental offices around the world were bombarded with letters, to such an extent that many elected politicians have begun enacting pro-environment legislation, such as George W. Bush’s “no more cars” proposal.
Dr. Herbert Greenthumm, head of the earth sciences department at UCLA, had this to say: “It seems to me that anyone within earshot of the Foo Fighters last week now feels the need to go green. This is wonderful, except that we’re concerned with the dangers of going too far in the other direction. If you have any doubts that inverse global warming, or ‘global cooling’ as we call it, can severely impact our planet’s ecosystem, I refer you to our statistics.”
Dr. Greenthumm then proceeded to discuss the possible expansion of polar ice caps, the dangers of perpetual chill, and the fatal problem of too much oxygen filling up the air. “Just think of what will happen if too many trees are planted. Not only will your children’s children have fresh air to breathe, they’ll have a fresh air surplus that will haunt them for decades and centuries to come. Too much oxygen is just as bad as not enough, and that’s something I think we need to really drive home with all the potential activists out there.”
“I’m so pleased with what we’ve accomplished with Live Earth. The Black Eyed Peas in particular made me shake my booty like it was 1999″, Gore stated. “However, we need to keep our goals in sight. We’re out to save the earth here… this means a balanced and healthy attitude toward climate change. I think we might have done a little too much good. I think Duran Duran might have rocked a little too hard. Do you have any idea how many carbon credits have been purchased this week alone? Approximately one billion. The seeds that were planted on Saturday are small, oxygen-producing saplings by Tuesday. I mean, I was outside all week and I needed a scarf. This could be serious.”
Many are wondering why the scheduled performers had such an impact. I spoke with renowned psychologist Dr. Michael Pillbottom, who had the following to say: “Young people identify with celebrities and rock stars because they see them as anti-authoritarian, which confirms and validates the anti-authoritarian streak many young people feel themselves. When Ludacris, AFI, and Fall Out Boy choose to rage against any particular machine, the youth of America will opt to rage against that machine as well. I recommend these totally awesome bands retract their position and begin encouraging the college crowd to change their minds, as well. Before it’s too late.”
Al Gore says that he now plans on fighting global cooling. Since the emergence of this potential catastrophe, he has already begun planning Live Heat 2008, a worldwide anti-cooling concert series that will take stage sometime next June or July. “Until then, I plan on encouraging everyone reading this to run your SUV’s, waste gas, pollute the air, dump all of your recycling into a stream, use asbestos, crank up your freon-based air conditioning, fart loudly, reject vegetarianism, and stop buying my old book An Inconvenient Truth. Instead, by my new book, Crank Up the Heat. Do it for the good of the world.”
Many conservatives and critics of anti-warming activists now feel vindicated by Gore’s revelation. That aside, they’re disappointed to see Gore take on a new environmental cause and are chomping at the bit to stop him every step of the way. Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh let his listeners know how he felt. “The earth isn’t really cooling at all, and if it was, so what? I have the right to freeze the earth if I want to. As an American who lives in a capitalist, free-market society, it’s my right to do whatever I set my mind to, without Al Snore and his elitist left-wing cabal stopping me. Maybe now that he’s been discredited, I can get back to ruining the planet. Maybe now we can get around to destroying the world, just as God intended when he created it.”
Limbaugh sets the record straight: “Conservative Christians like myself know how it is. Jesus created us, and when he created the earth, he gave it to us as a gift. Well, it’s a gift we’ve grown bored with. You know how when you’re a kid, and you get a really sweet set of G.I. Joes for Christmas? When you first open the box, you’re in love with them and you take great care of them. After a couple weeks, you’re sick of them, so you just tape a couple m-80’s to them and blow them up. Well, that’s your prerogative, because they’re YOUR toys! The way I see it, the earth is my toy. Let’s get back to blowing it up with m-80’s.”
Dr. Greenthumm continues to feel concern. “The term ‘global cooling’ is not new. The concept has existed as a hypothetical explanation for earth’s next cyclical ice age for decades. However, it’s never been a reality until now. Now, it’s really a danger”, Dr. Greenthumm implored. “Please, if there’s a message we need to pass on to future generations, it’s to heat up the earth as quickly as thoroughly as possible.”
Source
Seriously, what idiots :lol:
Global warming has been at the forefront of issues concerning the world’s scientists for decades. Environmental activists have taken a staunch anti-global warming stance as they attempt to spread the word and educate as many people as possible on the dangers of the greenhouse effect.
All that changed on July 7th, 2007 when the organization known as Save Our Selves launched Live Earth. The Live Earth event, which consisted of a series of concerts held around the world, was co-chaired by former U.S. Vice President Al Gore. Unfortunately, an unexpected problem arose from the day’s transpirings.
“Live Earth was phenomenal”, Gore reports. “My only concern is that it worked too well. According to my most recent numbers, we’re beginning to see global cooling emerge as a legitimate threat.”
The statistics back up this statement. The day after the event, millions of Americans sold off, destroyed, or publicly burned their SUV’s and other gas-guzzling cars. The United Nations Environment Programme estimates that over 1,000,000,000 trees were planted in direct response to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, potentially resulting in drastic overforestization.
Governmental offices around the world were bombarded with letters, to such an extent that many elected politicians have begun enacting pro-environment legislation, such as George W. Bush’s “no more cars” proposal.
Dr. Herbert Greenthumm, head of the earth sciences department at UCLA, had this to say: “It seems to me that anyone within earshot of the Foo Fighters last week now feels the need to go green. This is wonderful, except that we’re concerned with the dangers of going too far in the other direction. If you have any doubts that inverse global warming, or ‘global cooling’ as we call it, can severely impact our planet’s ecosystem, I refer you to our statistics.”
Dr. Greenthumm then proceeded to discuss the possible expansion of polar ice caps, the dangers of perpetual chill, and the fatal problem of too much oxygen filling up the air. “Just think of what will happen if too many trees are planted. Not only will your children’s children have fresh air to breathe, they’ll have a fresh air surplus that will haunt them for decades and centuries to come. Too much oxygen is just as bad as not enough, and that’s something I think we need to really drive home with all the potential activists out there.”
“I’m so pleased with what we’ve accomplished with Live Earth. The Black Eyed Peas in particular made me shake my booty like it was 1999″, Gore stated. “However, we need to keep our goals in sight. We’re out to save the earth here… this means a balanced and healthy attitude toward climate change. I think we might have done a little too much good. I think Duran Duran might have rocked a little too hard. Do you have any idea how many carbon credits have been purchased this week alone? Approximately one billion. The seeds that were planted on Saturday are small, oxygen-producing saplings by Tuesday. I mean, I was outside all week and I needed a scarf. This could be serious.”
Many are wondering why the scheduled performers had such an impact. I spoke with renowned psychologist Dr. Michael Pillbottom, who had the following to say: “Young people identify with celebrities and rock stars because they see them as anti-authoritarian, which confirms and validates the anti-authoritarian streak many young people feel themselves. When Ludacris, AFI, and Fall Out Boy choose to rage against any particular machine, the youth of America will opt to rage against that machine as well. I recommend these totally awesome bands retract their position and begin encouraging the college crowd to change their minds, as well. Before it’s too late.”
Al Gore says that he now plans on fighting global cooling. Since the emergence of this potential catastrophe, he has already begun planning Live Heat 2008, a worldwide anti-cooling concert series that will take stage sometime next June or July. “Until then, I plan on encouraging everyone reading this to run your SUV’s, waste gas, pollute the air, dump all of your recycling into a stream, use asbestos, crank up your freon-based air conditioning, fart loudly, reject vegetarianism, and stop buying my old book An Inconvenient Truth. Instead, by my new book, Crank Up the Heat. Do it for the good of the world.”
Many conservatives and critics of anti-warming activists now feel vindicated by Gore’s revelation. That aside, they’re disappointed to see Gore take on a new environmental cause and are chomping at the bit to stop him every step of the way. Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh let his listeners know how he felt. “The earth isn’t really cooling at all, and if it was, so what? I have the right to freeze the earth if I want to. As an American who lives in a capitalist, free-market society, it’s my right to do whatever I set my mind to, without Al Snore and his elitist left-wing cabal stopping me. Maybe now that he’s been discredited, I can get back to ruining the planet. Maybe now we can get around to destroying the world, just as God intended when he created it.”
Limbaugh sets the record straight: “Conservative Christians like myself know how it is. Jesus created us, and when he created the earth, he gave it to us as a gift. Well, it’s a gift we’ve grown bored with. You know how when you’re a kid, and you get a really sweet set of G.I. Joes for Christmas? When you first open the box, you’re in love with them and you take great care of them. After a couple weeks, you’re sick of them, so you just tape a couple m-80’s to them and blow them up. Well, that’s your prerogative, because they’re YOUR toys! The way I see it, the earth is my toy. Let’s get back to blowing it up with m-80’s.”
Dr. Greenthumm continues to feel concern. “The term ‘global cooling’ is not new. The concept has existed as a hypothetical explanation for earth’s next cyclical ice age for decades. However, it’s never been a reality until now. Now, it’s really a danger”, Dr. Greenthumm implored. “Please, if there’s a message we need to pass on to future generations, it’s to heat up the earth as quickly as thoroughly as possible.”
Source
Seriously, what idiots :lol:
