England defeats Italy, 1-2

[Tecumsehsbones]

In World Cup action today, mighty England scored another thrilling victory, defeating Italy 1-2 on their way to an inevitable seventeenth World Cup championship.

England scored three seconds into the match, then followed up with one goal per minute until minute 33, when it was discovered that Wayne Rooney is of Irish ancestry. Rooney was immediately removed from the match and executed. He was replaced by Prince 'Arry, who scored 52 more goals before the alf. In the second alf, England scored 67 more goals, when at minute 74, Prince Philip replaced Graham Cracker at midfield, and immediately scored 82 goals. Finally, in minute 82, Prince George replaced Jack Pudding at striker, and scored 18 goals in the last eight minutes.

England held the pathetic dagoes goalless. In fact, the ball never crossed into England's end of the pitch.

When it was noted that several of the England side appeared rather, well, shall we say dark? Nigel Mirage, the leader of the United Kingdom Impotence Party, said "Nonsense. They were simply tanned from the wog sun there in Wogland. And if you give us your votes, we the BNP. . . er, UKIP, will expel every last wog, n*igger, Mussulman, Jew, and Irishman in England!"

Upon being wakened to be told of the stunning English victory, Her Majesty reportedly farted, drooled, and went back to sleep.

Final score, Victorious England 1, Pathetic Dagoes 2. Another shutout triumph for England!

This report brought to you by correspondent Winston Smith.

 

[gopher]

Kool newspeak there Winny

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Kool newspeak there Winny

Ministry of Truth: Keeping you informed. Doubleplusgood.

 

[captain morgan]

You write remarkably well.... It was as if I was watching an entirely different game of the TV.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

You write remarkably well.... It was as if I was watching an entirely different game of the TV.

That's Obama's fault. He should be impeached.

 

[captain morgan]

Using his drone technology to incinerate the ball before it hit the back of the net would have been a strong result that we all could get behind

 

[Spade]

England one decisively! Those Italians, me two-ers!

 

[spaminator]

http://forums.canadiancontent.net/sports/125560-viva-fifa.html

 

[Spade]

http://forums.canadiancontent.net/sports/125560-viva-fifa.html

Sounds dirty!

 

[Blackleaf]

Proud of the lads. It was their best performance in a World Cup game probably since Italia 90. The guys were brilliant, especially goalscorer Sturridge and Sterling, who terrified the Italian defence. Football is a funny old game and sometimes the best team loses, and that's what happened last night.

According to BBC Radio Five Live, Italy's performance has been criticised in the Brazilian press, with one newspaper praising England for their attacking, threatening football and criticising Italy for their slow, ineffective passing about the pitch. In the paper's player ratings, Sterling was awarded the highest points of all the players. So England impressed the Brazilians last night - and if you impress the Brazilians at football you must be doing something right.

Italy were eventually left hanging on, with England bringing on wave after wave of attack in the second half to try and get a well-deserved draw at least - which they would have got had Rooney not missed an absolute sitter which, most other times, he would have scored. Italy were lucky to keep the lead and very lucky to win that match.

England will beat Uruguay and Costa Rica in their final two games in the group and qualify for the Last 16. There was nothing last night in the game between those two teams - Uruguay's shock defeat is great news for England - that say they will be a threat to either England or Italy.

Uruguay were supposed to be this strong side with Suarez conquering all before him but, unfortunately for them, the guy has injury problems and didn't play against Costa Rica last night, which may partially expain Uruguay's surprise defeat. So it's very likely he will also be missing against England, but even if he does play against us he won't be fully match fit. So Suarez will not pose much of a threat to England. And the pacy Sturridge and Sterling - who were the best players on the pitch last night - will terrify a Uruguayan central defence which was slow and sluggish against the Costa Ricans.

So it was a good day for England yesterday. They first saw the Uruguayans suffer a shock defeat against Costa Rica, which has only helped England's qualification chances, and then they suffered a narrow defeat against a good Italy side despite playing their best football for a long time.

Remember - Spain lost their opening match of the 2010 World Cup (as they did in this one) and they went on to WIN the tournament.

England and Italy to qualify from the group, as I expected all along.

England v Italy: Roy Hodgson's young team promise bright future despite losing first game in World Cup 2014

Raheem Sterling, Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck and Ross Barkley bring a vibrant approach which means Italy game is the start of an exciting journey

On the ball: Raheem Sterling puts in a cross as Marco Verratti challenges Photo: GETTY IMAGES



By Paul Hayward, Chief Sports Writer, Manaus
15 Jun 2014
The Telegraph

98 Comments

Rebirths tend to work best when everyone gets behind them, which means England's fans displaying their appreciation for what Roy Hodgson’s youngsters were trying to achieve against Italy in Manaus.

The day after an opening tournament game, St George’s legions tend to find themselves giving vent to boredom or anger.

But this World Cup 2014 Group D performance in 30-degree heat against a side marshalled by Andrea Pirlo was in a different league to the corresponding fixtures in 2010, 2006 and 2002.

A comfortable win against Tunisia at France 98 was of a higher quality than we saw in game one from 2002-2010.

This game, though, despite being a 2-1 defeat, expressed a buccaneering spirit against one of football’s superpowers.

So here comes the test. Either the audience back home can lapse into grumpy fatalism or they can see this as the start of something promising.

Roy Hodgson, the manager, called it the “best” performance of his time in charge. Cesare Prandelli, his Italian counterpart, said: “England until just a few years ago played long balls and headers, now they play good football.”

Raheem Sterling, Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck and Ross Barkley all played as they would for their clubs, with enterprise and energy.

They relished the chance to impose their talent on Italy.

If the physiotherapist Gary Lewin’s goal-celebration injury was a very English mishap, the intricacy with which England worked the ball around the Italian penalty box was a refreshing upgrade on the last 12 years.

England physio Gary Lewin injured his ankle whilst celebrating Sturridge's equaliser against Italy

The counter-point is that the two full-backs, Glen Johnson and Leighton Baines, were frequently beaten by Italian attackers and Gary Cahill, one of the best defenders in the last Premier League season, was beaten in the air by Mario Balotelli for Italy’s winning goal.

The front of England’s team improved while the rear looked vulnerable.

They were not alone. The rearguards of Spain and Uruguay were taken apart by Holland and Costa Rica respectively.

Attackers are in heaven at this World Cup. Defenders are looking traumatised.

Yet England posted 18 shots on goal and 48 per cent possession against expert ball-retaining opposition. Barkley, Jack Wilshere and Adam Lallana all joined the action.

In the past England teams have retreated into their psychological compounds in the face of public and media hostility.

This one will benefit from the knowledge that their audience understand which path they are on.

That way, Roy’s Boys can bear down on a ruined Uruguayan defence with extra confidence. That way, they could still qualify from this group.

England v Italy: Roy Hodgson's young team promise bright future despite losing first game in World Cup 2014 - Telegraph

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Proud of the lads.

Congratulations on your great triumph.

 

[captain morgan]

All those high hopes of the English squad crushed before their very eyes.

Now, they will have to face what is thought to be among the toughest teams in the tourney in terms of Uruguay.... Looks like there will be an early exit for your team Blackie.

 

[Blackleaf]

Congratulations on your great triumph.

Thanks. I appreciate it. I always respect someone who recognises a good footballing performance. It means they know their football.

Good luck against Germany, Portugal and Ghana.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Thanks. I appreciate it. I always respect someone who recognises a good footballing performance. It means they know their football.

Tell ya what, Blackleaf. England actually played a sound game. I was impressed. And yes, I actually do know enough football to know the difference, though not as much as you, as I came to football fairly late in life.

Here's the deal. I'll quit busting your chops on football, and we can discuss the play in the World Cup. Maybe when it's over, we'll have enjoyed the experience enough to extend it to other areas.

What say you?

 

[EagleSmack]

 

[Blackleaf]

All those high hopes of the English squad crushed before their very eyes.

Now, they will have to face what is thought to be among the toughest teams in the tourney in terms of Uruguay.... Looks like there will be an early exit for your team Blackie.

Is that the same Uruguay who were thrashed against Costa Rica, the supposed whipping boys of the group?

Suarez - probably the world's best player - was the guy who was to provide Uruguay's main attacking. It's just unfortunate for them that he has an injury and, as last night showed against Costa Rica, Uruguay aren't the same side without Suarez. And even if Suarez does play England he will not be fully fit and will not be the same player that Liverpool fans know and love.

I'm afraid Sterling and Sturridge will eat that shaky Uruguayan defence for their dinner.

Tell ya what, Blackleaf. England actually played a sound game. I was impressed. And yes, I actually do know enough football to know the difference, though not as much as you, as I came to football fairly late in life.

Here's the deal. I'll quit busting your chops on football, and we can discuss the play in the World Cup. Maybe when it's over, we'll have enjoyed the experience enough to extend it to other areas.

What say you?

I think you're probably taking the mick.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Is that the same Uruguay who were thrashed against Costa Rica, the supposed whipping boys of the group?

Suarez - probably the world's best player - was the guy who was to provide Uruguay's main attacking. It's just unfortunate for them that he has an injury and, as last night showed against Costa Rica, Uruguay aren't the same side without Suarez. And even if Suarez does play England he will not be fully fit and will not be the same player that Liverpool fans know and love.

I'm afraid Sterling and Sturridge will eat that shaky Uruguayan defence for their dinner.

That was an incredible match. I'd be more worried about Costa Rica than Uruguay if I were England. Those boys are on a mission!

 

[captain morgan]

Is that the same Uruguay who were thrashed against Costa Rica, the supposed whipping boys of the group?

They will slake their fury at the next match.... It will not be pretty

Suarez - probably the world's best player - was the guy who was to provide Uruguay's main attacking..

He IS the world's best player, and even with an injury, he's worth at least 3 Sterlings any day

I'm afraid Sterling and Sturridge will eat that shaky Uruguayan defence for their dinner.

Interesting comment.... Really keeps up with the British tradition of horrific culinary practices

 

[Blackleaf]

Costa Rica's biggest-ever victory was a 12-0 win against USA in Colombia in 1946.

England and Costa Rica have never played each other before.

 

[Spade]

Proud of the lads. It was their best performance in a World Cup game probably since Italia 90. The guys were brilliant, especially goalscorer Sturridge and Sterling, who terrified the Italian defence. Football is a funny old game and sometimes the best (sic) team loses, and that's what happened last night.

May England continue to be bested.