Why do we depend on others?

[china]

If we do depend on others psychologically we become secondhand people, which we are (.....and that 's a new thread )
The whole history of mankind is in us - the story of mankind is not in books except for outward things; the whole history is here. And we do not know how to read it. You understand what I am saying? You are the book. But when you read the book as a reader it has no meaning.
But if you are the book and the book is showing you, telling you the story, then you will not depend on a single person, you will be a light unto yourself. But we are all waiting for a match, the fire of another, to kindle the light.
And that is where the tragedy lies, because we cannot see clearly for ourselves. Before we try to help others ,we have to see clearly. It is like the blind leading the blind.
Your point of view.

 

[talloola]

Yes china, the absolute truth. I believe that most people don't have a clue, how
much inner strength they have, and never find out, because they are looking to
the comfort of their friends all through their lives, and after a time they believe
their mere survival depends on the company and comfort of friends. I have read so many aritcles
that state how important 'friends' are, and how we 'need' them, and that may be
true, but each of us should be alone for periods of time to find out who 'we' are.
The more we admire the 'strength' of a friend we love , the less we will learn about our own self, by looking to them, and not into ourselves.

The stronger one is as an individual, the better a friend you will be.

 

[gerryh]

If we are talking "freinds" only like talloola says, I agree with her, but if we are talking in general, as china seems to be saying, I disagree completely.

 

[china]

gerryh

If we are talking "freinds" only like talloola says, I agree with her, but if we are talking in general, as china seems to be saying, I disagree completely.

I,m interested in finding the diffeence between the "friends like t
Talloola says "and the "talking in general, as china seems to be saying". Please be specific.'China

 

[darkbeaver]

If you wait untill you see clearly you will never help anyone because helping people is the way to clear thinking.

 

[china]

If you wait untill you see clearly you will never help anyone because helping people is the way to clear thinking.

Clearly stated .

 

[darkbeaver]

Nothing can be done alone that cannot be done more efficiently by the many, except making the descision to cooperate.

 

[gerryh]

gerryh


I,m interested in finding the diffeence between the "friends like t
Talloola says "and the "talking in general, as china seems to be saying". Please be specific.'China

I've written on this in the past. I have a 'partner", a "life mate" that completes me. Before she came along I was "incomplete", it was something I didn't realize until she was there. Before her I had "thought" that I didn't need anything else, when she came into my life I realized the void that was unfilled and how she "completed" me,"complimented" me. Without her I am less then whole, and this was something that I didn't fully comprehend before she came into my life.

So, the idea that depending on someone else makes us "second hand people" or that a "light" from someone else is not required to "read your book" for me is ludicrous. She completes me in every way, she is my life-mate, and now that I have her, even the thought of her not being there is almost unfathomable.

When I have said this before, some have poo-pooed it, some have said I was lucky, but I believe that we all have a "life-mate" somewhere out there.

 

[darkbeaver]

The individual is a necessary illusion. Some people can maintain and project that illusion to others proving the illusion by the necessity to project for reference.SLT

 

[L Gilbert]

Introspection and self-analysis is aided by what we see in others and in other forms of life. We all have some things in common. That is not secondhand, that is simply stuff we have in common.

 

[VanIsle]

I've written on this in the past. I have a 'partner", a "life mate" that completes me. Before she came along I was "incomplete", it was something I didn't realize until she was there. Before her I had "thought" that I didn't need anything else, when she came into my life I realized the void that was unfilled and how she "completed" me,"complimented" me. Without her I am less then whole, and this was something that I didn't fully comprehend before she came into my life.

So, the idea that depending on someone else makes us "second hand people" or that a "light" from someone else is not required to "read your book" for me is ludicrous. She completes me in every way, she is my life-mate, and now that I have her, even the thought of her not being there is almost unfathomable.

When I have said this before, some have poo-pooed it, some have said I was lucky, but I believe that we all have a "life-mate" somewhere out there.

You are lucky. It's a chapter that many, if not most, people ever get to read. Sometimes you open that chapter and think you are well into it but the other person isn't on the same page. Just recently my son's wife without warning stated she was not happy in their marriage. She said she wanted out. He was stunned. He said he never saw it coming in the least. They have been married for 15 years. They continued on in the same household for a few weeks and then she moved out into their travel trailer. He completely went on bended knee. He snuck over to the trailer when she wasn't there and left flowers. He tried doing the "dating" thing again. Her response - "nice touch"! I took the children away with me for a couple of days and the two of them went away for a couple of days. She made a decision to move back home. Our son said that from her first day home it was quite apparent it just wasn't going to work. They still live in the same house right now. They still share the same room at night. They will always share 3 children. She's moving out again back into the trailer for a couple of weeks until her apt. is ready for her to move into. Sometimes the next chapter is the worst chapter. Oddly enough, while she made the first decision to leave, it was him who made the second decision after she moved home and he could see it wasn't good for either of them. He no longer wants her there. He says he is fine with it and I believe him. It doesn't make it any nicer for any of them. At least not yet. Maybe he just opened the wrong book.

 

[china]

gerryh ,

Without her I am less then whole, and this was something that I didn't fully comprehend before she came into my life.

My wife and me -her husband we are both 100% whole ; we would not merry each other any other way .Our children are whole.

 

[gerryh]

gerryh ,



My wife and me -her husband we are both 100% whole ; we would not merry each other any other way .Our children are whole.

You're not getting it, and that's fine. I have found very few people that "get it".

My marriage is like my Mom and Dads, both of us have been very fortunate that way...at least while we are all alive. My Dad is dead now, and my Mother is only going through the motions. She is missing a big part of herself. I personally can not fathom not having Jenn beside me. we ARE one. Like I said, before I met her, I also thought I was "whole", it wasn't till after that I realized what was missing. We are, like my Mother and Father, Soul mates.

 

[VanIsle]

You're not getting it, and that's fine. I have found very few people that "get it".

My marriage is like my Mom and Dads, both of us have been very fortunate that way...at least while we are all alive. My Dad is dead now, and my Mother is only going through the motions. She is missing a big part of herself. I personally can not fathom not having Jenn beside me. we ARE one. Like I said, before I met her, I also thought I was "whole", it wasn't till after that I realized what was missing. We are, like my Mother and Father, Soul mates.

I have been married over 42 years. I get it.

 

[In Between Man]

You're not getting it, and that's fine. I have found very few people that "get it".

My marriage is like my Mom and Dads, both of us have been very fortunate that way...at least while we are all alive. My Dad is dead now, and my Mother is only going through the motions. She is missing a big part of herself. I personally can not fathom not having Jenn beside me. we ARE one. Like I said, before I met her, I also thought I was "whole", it wasn't till after that I realized what was missing. We are, like my Mother and Father, Soul mates.

Oh brother! :roll: I think it great that you found true love and all, but please realize that us dedicated loners can be just as happy too! Having two cats and roommate can be very fulfilling.

 

[Cliffy]

I think there are soul mates but not everybody has one. People are here for different reasons and some don't need another to be complete. It all depends on the type of lessons we need to learn. I also think that most people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and that is why so many fail. A soul mate may complete some but if they need someone to feel complete, they may also be deluding themselves.

I have met some couples who complement each other and others who can learn to be complete in themselves through the lessons they teach each other. But most who depend on another to fill the emptiness inside will usually suffocate the other into leaving. Relationship is a delicate balancing act and a learning process that far too few ever figure out.

 

[Cliffy]

Oh brother! :roll: I think it great that you found true love and all, but please realize that us dedicated loners can be just as happy too! Having two cats and roommate can be very fulfilling.

Alley,

There are many kinds of relationships. Not all involve members of the opposite sex. Most don't have anything to do with sex, like the ones between a person and their pets, between friends, between casual acquaintances. Relationship is the basis of the learning process. It is the mirror held up for us to see who we are. It would seem that few ever figure that out. When the image they see does not fit their preconceived ideas of who they are, they blame the mirror.

 

[In Between Man]

A soul mate may complete some but if they need someone to feel complete, they may also be deluding themselves.

Is it normal that my soul mate is my MALE best friend, whom I have BROTHERLY love for?

Or I am just weak ass who needs to cling to someone therefore I'm just deluding myself?

 

[In Between Man]

It is the mirror held up for us to see who we are. It would seem that few ever figure that out.

Do you mean, we judge and construct ourselves by comparing ourselves to others?

 

[In Between Man]

Is it normal that my soul mate is my MALE best friend, whom I have BROTHERLY love for?

Or I am just weak ass who needs to cling to someone therefore I'm just deluding myself?

Don't leave me hanging Cliffy!!! Its okay that I truly love my best friend and would give my life to save his right??? .... RIGHT???????8O8O8O