Is it right to tell somebody how good he is or how "inteligent" he is? should we reward somebody when we think he has done a good job? Should we do something for reward?
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Sould we compliment .
- Thread starter china
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Is it right to tell somebody how good he is or how "inteligent" he is? should we reward somebody when we think he has done a good job? Should we do something for reward?
That is a touchy one for me, anyway. Personally I do not appreciate it that much a pat on the back that much, but it is all to do with how the person was conditioned as a child and a young adult, even older adult, or what country they are from. If you haven't noticed Canadians can be quite sarcarstic and cynical. Well the sets a person up to do and feel opposites to other societies. A remark like "Good work China." might set feeling that the person may have done something wrong, or stupid.
Rewards are best - if they are good - cash preferred.
Compliments and rewards are good things, but CanadianLove makes a good point, in that honesty and trust is required, otherwise compliments can be misunderstood, or given falsely. Nevertheless it does no harm to take an insincere compliment at face value, as long as you're aware the possibility exists that it's not sincere. It builds your confidence and provides a gentle negative conditioning to the giver of the insincere compliment. If it appears not to give the response desired (usually an argument), it won't happen as often.
I was at a recent seminar where they took three people and played Blind Man's Walk where there were two chairs and the blindfolded person was to walk in a figure eight around the chairs.
The first participant was given nothing but negative feedback, saying "NO" and criticizing them when they were going in the wrong direction. The second was given positive feedback and encouragement. The second completed the task much quicker. The interesting part was that the third (the three participants were not in the room together) was told to move through the course without the blindfold while we were to applaud his ever right move. He felt really stupid and knew something was amiss because the response was not relative to his achievement.
The moral I guess is that a compliment is positive reinforcement and positive reinforcement can be a good thing. It can also be overdone. The issue is not whether we should or shouldn't compliment but rather to what extent.
The first participant was given nothing but negative feedback, saying "NO" and criticizing them when they were going in the wrong direction. The second was given positive feedback and encouragement. The second completed the task much quicker. The interesting part was that the third (the three participants were not in the room together) was told to move through the course without the blindfold while we were to applaud his ever right move. He felt really stupid and knew something was amiss because the response was not relative to his achievement.
The moral I guess is that a compliment is positive reinforcement and positive reinforcement can be a good thing. It can also be overdone. The issue is not whether we should or shouldn't compliment but rather to what extent.
Right doesn't really have anything to do with it. The reasons for complimenting someone are numerous and differ person to person, situation to situation. Compliments are not always rewards and an apt person can easily insult someone with a compliment.
Context cannot easily be separated from behaviors. A compliment is a tool you have at your disposal, use it as you see fit.
Context cannot easily be separated from behaviors. A compliment is a tool you have at your disposal, use it as you see fit.
my goodness... compliment people whenever you find reason to do so! Don't stop to ask "Should I?" Just do it. What's the world coming to when we have ask ourselves if we want to make somebody feel nice?
I think that 'no reward' is just the other side of the coin of punishing. Our daily life consists of competition and defeating the other by becoming the best. That's just the EGO thing. In sharing there's no reward needed. So I don't reward or punish people for things that they do. And I don't do things for reward anymore (I used to a lot). I do it because I do. Nothing more nothing less
Compliments were encouragement to our kids and it worked for us all. Now our kids are just in the habit of being good people, but we still compliment them on doing goods works sometimes.
Perhaps others prefer to berate theirs. Whatever works, I suppose.
Perhaps others prefer to berate theirs. Whatever works, I suppose.