Hot off the teletype :lol: :lol:
Krusty the Clown
vs.
Ronald McDonald
vs.
Bozo the Clown
vs.
Homey D. Clown
here is da fight right from the anti clown website 8)
HOTBRANCH: Sorry to announce this, guys, but you wasted your time showing up. You'd best not attempt argue against the über-clown, because you'll be hanging with Gabbo in the loser scrap heap! Krusty has all the bases covered: he is loved by children everywhere, has his own chain of fast-food restaurants, a clown college, and more endorsements than Michael Jordan™. No matter the odds, Krusty always emerges victorious. Do I really need to point out the Simpsons' amazing 4-1 record in the WWWF?
If Krusty has any trouble disposing of the competition, he has enough allies to help him lay down some serious smack. It begins with the psychotically violent duo of Itchy & Scratchy. Sideshow Bob and Corporal Punishment will no doubt be armed to the teeth, and don't forget Fat Tony's "Legitimate Businessman's Social Club". Nobody messes with the Mob's favorite entertainer. NOBODY!
There is also the vast array of defective Krusty Brand™ products that Krusty originally intended to pawn off on the rich and naive Moolahs. He can use items like the Lady Krusty™ (Is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this?), Krusty Brand Cereal™ (Jagged metal Krusty-O in every box!), and even WWWF Ground Zero™ (No advertising AND IT SHOWS!) to beat the crap out of his opponents. If all else fails, you just KNOW that Krusty is packing a few extra Krusty dolls with his props. Once he switches those dolls to "Evil", the battle is over and Krusty can finally settle his debt with the IRS. If they know what's good for them, Boz-o, Ron-o, and Hom-o will just lie down and play dead.
JOHN: Hey, HotBranch has a great point! Too bad it's on the top of his head. This one goes to the original wu-tang clown, Ronald McDonald, who's got all the tools of his trade at his disposal. The first opponent to make a move towards the clown prince receives an instant enema of piping hot fry vat grease, followed closely by a size 37 red shoe. If he so chooses, McDonald can also spray his opponents with his special sauce (read: napalm), Shamrock Shakes (formulated to damage all but the Irish™), or that concentrated agent orange crap they give away free to bake sales. (C'mon, you knew they were testing that stuff for the army, didn't you? Why else would they give it away?)
Beyond this, McDonald's got backup. Ronald McDonald's insane clown posse includes a convicted felon, a giant burger with significant political pull, a six foot tall bird geared up for aerial bombardment, and the giant purple people eater, Grimace. Imagine, if you will, a Grimace-splash. Now imagine a Grimace-splash off the top of a steel cage. Now imagine a Grimace-splash launched from orbit. (I know, I'm getting carried away, but just close your eyes and enjoy) Beyond these heavy hitters, the McDonalds corporation simply has too much manpower at its disposal. 24,500 restaurants worldwide, each employing an average of 150 acne-ridden sullen teens and part-time wage slave seniors equals an army of roughly 3.6 million footsoldiers, each stepping forth to volley lethal, concrete-hard McNuggets™ at their foes.
In the end, Ronald McDonald stands astride the fallen bodies of his battered and bruised opponents. His eyes are wild with bloodlust as he screams the last words his foes will ever hear: "Do you want fries with that... bitch?!"
FATALITY!
JEFF: You guys are totally missing the crucial factor. Now I know Bozo may be a bit of a dark horse here, but he is actually the only one of the clowns who has any formal clowning experience, and the only clown with the physical stamina to go the distance.
You see, Bozo got his start in the circus. The CIRCUS, man. We're talking about the "every one pitches in to put up the Big Top," "you had better know how to walk the tight rope in case of a disaster," "it's your turn to feed the lions and all we have is Hamburger Helper," and "can someone help me control this rampaging elephant" freaking circus. Granted, he has been in the relatively safe confines of syndicated television for a while, but the muscles he built up driving tent stakes, and the skills he learned from the Flying Garbonzo Brothers will set him miles ahead of his competition.
Speaking of the Garbonzo Brothers, it would not surprise me if a number of Bozo's old comrades were also invited to Moolah for the festivities (unlike, say, Ronald's teenage supporters, who, even if they were paid enough to make the trip, can't even find their own country on a world map, much less the distant and oft overlooked land of Moolah). You know, even if Ronald's supporters did make it on time (John, have you been to a McDonalds lately? They make the DMV look spry), there is still the problem of the Imperial Guards. While those teenagers will go down like winter wheat before the harvester when the guards open fire, those same AK-47s lack stopping power when confronting Herman, the formerly-rampaging but now heavily-sedated yet still generally pissed-off-because-he-hasn't-gotten-laid-since-they-put-him-on-Prozac™ full-grown bull-elephant (as seen on FOX's When Animals Attack).
But getting back to clowning, when it comes to what it really takes to win an actual clown fight, there is no substitute for a rigorous, formal training in clowning, and Bozo is the only real clown in the group. Whether its fighting it out inside a very small car or tricking your fellow clown into smelling your cyanide-squirting fake flower, or assuring the distressed clown atop the burning building that it is perfectly safe to jump into the half-full tub of superglue, Bozo will have the clear advantage of a genuine, circus-style clowning career. I haven't ever seen Homey or Ronald juggle or ride an excruciatingly small tricycle or demonstrate any of the other staple clown skills. I just don't think they've really paid their dues. While they might be able to intimidate, manipulate, or mutilate small children, they are just not crafty enough to take on a fellow clown. Now Krusty seems to have some basic clowning skills, but judging from the five packs a day and his history of multiple quadruple-coronary-bypass surgeries, I doubt he has the physical stamina to go the distance.
I see Bozo taking the victory, and clowning contracts with two of the more renowned burger franchises.
JOE: You guys are all SOO-OOO wrong its not even funny (get it...FUNNY?!?...In a CLOWNS match?!?...oh, never mind.) Homey the Clown is the only competitor of the group with any combat experience. Namely, whompin' people on the head with a sock. This may not seem like much until you have seen a Steven Seagal movie and then, only then, do you realize what a powerful weapon a sock can be. The only possible outcome of this scenario is a constant stream of three out of shape clowns screaming, "Ow, Homey, you broke my RUBBER NOSE!!!"
Secondly, as far as back-up goes, Homey has his old buddy Bruce "The Last Boy Scout" Willis. So the Simpsons are 4-1 in the Grudge Match...Who cares?! Have they ever beaten the Death Star?! International terrorists are an everyday occurance for this man, how could three aging lard-ass clowns possibly be a match for him?
The way I see it, John McClane pulls out an uzi and wastes all of the additional help all three of these competitors could bring with them. Then, with only the clowns left, Homey proceedes to use "Sock 'Em - Fu"™ to beat each of them into a bloody pulp. The coroners later have to search through a puddle of blood, intestines, and 13 inch shoes in a vain attempt to identify the corpses. Then Homey turns to the Crown Prince and says,
"So, little kiddie, you don't like clowns..."
BBBAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!
"Homey don't play that!!"
