Last week, the humourless Swiss accused the British of not taking the Eurovision Song Contest seriously enough.
But, judging by this year's crazy entrants, how CAN the British take it seriously?
The Republic of Ireland has a turkey, yes, a TURKEY, singing for it (the song is called "Douze Points" but it'll more likely get Nil Points), Finland continues its obsession with heavy metal with a band called "Terasbetoni" (Finnish for "Steel Reinforced Concrete") who sing a song called, in beautiful Finnish, "Missa Miehet Ratsastaa" ("Where Men Ride") while Croatia's entry features an old man rapping whilst having to keep himself steady with a walking stick.
Sometimes it feels as though the British are the only normal people in Europe.
Here is a look at just SOME of this year's entrants...
From singing turkeys to fire-breathing devil worshippers: This year's Eurovision entrants
By PAUL HARRIS
17th May 2008
Daily Mail
In the finest tradition of the Eurovision Song Contest, it will feature all kinds of everything.
But with so many new countries in Europe, some appear to have found great difficulty in finding new ways to present their entries in the passionately fought competition.
So much so that several of them appear to have turned the clock back several decades this year to the days of La La La and Boom Bang-a-Bang.
And to judge from their acts in rehearsal, you could be forgiven for wondering if a couple of the Eastern European entrants haven't modelled themselves by mistake on a 1970s recording from the 52-year archives of our most enduring TV show.
Here are some of the acts competing for the final in Belgrade on May 24:
AZERBAIJAN
Population: 9 million
Performers: Elnur and Samir
Song: Day After Day
Style: Borat meets Liberace.
AZERBAIJAN: Elnur and Samir will croon Day After Day
Act: Features bizarre winged outfits and 70s style satin trousers, plus a skimpily clad female doing something questionable on her knees.
Biog: Elnur Huseynov and Samir Javadzade are carrying the flag for Azerbaijan as the country's first song contest entrants. Elnur, a 21-year-old hairdresser loves animals and wants to create his own zoo, which possibly explains the albatross outfit. Samir, 28, is a Whitney Houston fan and "likes to experiment with clothes".
BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA
Population: 4 million
Performers: Laka (with Mirela)
Song: Pokusaj (Try)
Style: Alice Cooper and Shirley Temple on speed.
BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA: Laka and Mirela duet with Pokusaj (Try)
Act: Fire-breathing devil worshipper cavorts on stage as manic Shirley Temple lookalike tries to show us her underwear.
Biog: A legend in the Balkans, Elvir Lakovic Laka formed a high school band called Tax Deformity and went on to win Bosnia and Herzegovina's coveted album of the year award. Mirela, Laka's little sister, plays the piano, loves singing and dressing up, and wants to become an actress.
BULGARIA
Population: 8 million
Performers: Deep Zone and Balthazar
Song: DJ Take Me Away
Style: Foxy blonde fronts oddball band.
BULGARIA: Deep Zone and Balthazar will belt out DJ Take Me Away
Act: Over-the-top extravaganza featuring DJs spinning flaming records as mini-skirted lead singer struts her 80s glam rock stuff.
Biog: Jonanna Dragneva, 21, is the not too widely known anchor-woman for a Bulgarian National Television show and lead singer of DZ&B, as Bulgarians know the group. Deep Zone Project was formed eight years ago and collaborated with DJ Balthazar to produce new line-up and the contest entry.
CROATIA
Population: 4 million
Performers: Kraljevi Ulice & 75 cents
Song: Romanca
Style: Grandad grabs microphone at wedding reception.
CROATIA: Kraljevi Ulice & 75 cents will perform Romanca
Act: Lead rapper steadies himself on a walking stick to deliver the lyrics while younger members of the group leap around and provide backing.
Biog: 75-year-old Ladislav Demeterffy Laci, aka 75 Cents, has become a national hero in Croatia after scoring hits with rap songs and enthralling interviewers with tales of his love life. Not surprisingly, he is the contest's oldest performer.
ESTONIA
Population: 1 million
Performers: Kreisiraadio
Song: Leto Svet (Summer Light)
Style: Pan's People meet Laurel & Hardy
ESTONIA: Kreisiraadio will sing Leto Svet (Summer Light)
Act: Bikini-clad blondes in stiletto heel boots clamber over three kneeling male submissives in a circus-style performance.
Biog: Kreisiraadio (crazy radio) is the male trio of the act and the blondes are the decoration. They have previously performed in opera, film and TV and on the radio. One of them - Hannes Vorno - has been an MP and is a lieutenant in the Estonian armed forces.
REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
Population: 4 million
Performer: Dustin the Turkey
Song: Irelande Douze Pointe
Style: Lightly marinated and fowl-mouthed
Ireland: Dustin the Turkey will perform Irelande Douze Pointe
Act: Man dresses as Turkey (or maybe it's a turkey dressed as a man). Whichever, it sings and dances. And gobbles, of course.
Biog: Dustin stars on an Irish TV programme and enjoys cult status and chart success. He ran a campaign in the Irish presidential elections as a representative of Fianna Fowl, and later the Poultry Party. Has previously sung with Sir Bob Geldof, Boyzone and Chris de Burgh.
FINLAND
Population: 5 million
Performers: Terasbetoni
Song: Missa Miehet Ratsastaa (Where Men Ride)
Style: Metallica meets Village People
FINLAND: Terasbetoni rock out to Missa Miehet Ratsastaa (Where Men Ride)
Act: Heavy metal music played by four muscle-men who are clearly too sexy for their shirts.
Biog: Terasbetoni - Finnish for Steel Reinforced Concrete - say they don't take themselves too seriously, but are fired by "new quests to overcome". Songs advocate a Pagan warrior lifestyle and a "brotherhood of metal".
LATVIA
Population: 2 million
Performers: Pirates of the Sea
Song: Wolves of the Sea
Style: Bucks Fizz do Christmas panto.
LATVIA: the Pirates of the Sea hit the stage with Wolves of the Sea
Act: Flintlock-waving, stripey-jumpered trio takes the stage for a performance that would not have looked out of place in the 1970s.
Biog: Impressive line-up includes a former female winner of the Latvian edition of Strictly Come Dancing; a Latvian-based Italian who starred in a home-produced version of West Side Story; and a seaman who spent two years sailing around the world without resorting to piracy.
SPAIN:
Population: 45 million
Performer: Rodolfo Chikilicuatre
Song: Baila El Chiki Chiki (Dance the Chiki Chiki)
Style: Kenny Everett does Elvis impersonation
SPAIN: Rodolfo Chikilicuatre and the catchy Baila El Chiki Chiki (Dance the Chiki Chiki)
Act: Plastic-guitar strumming eccentric flanks himself with two short-skirted Amazonian females to perform watered-down version of drum-driven Latin American Reggaeton song.
Biog: Rodolfo is a comedy character created by Buenos Aires born David Fernández Ortiz, 37, who introduced him to Spanish TV as the inventor of the vibrator-guitar. The original version of the song poked fun at Spanish politicians but was toned down for the non-political Eurovison.
dailymail.co.uk
But, judging by this year's crazy entrants, how CAN the British take it seriously?
The Republic of Ireland has a turkey, yes, a TURKEY, singing for it (the song is called "Douze Points" but it'll more likely get Nil Points), Finland continues its obsession with heavy metal with a band called "Terasbetoni" (Finnish for "Steel Reinforced Concrete") who sing a song called, in beautiful Finnish, "Missa Miehet Ratsastaa" ("Where Men Ride") while Croatia's entry features an old man rapping whilst having to keep himself steady with a walking stick.
Sometimes it feels as though the British are the only normal people in Europe.
Here is a look at just SOME of this year's entrants...
From singing turkeys to fire-breathing devil worshippers: This year's Eurovision entrants
By PAUL HARRIS
17th May 2008
Daily Mail
In the finest tradition of the Eurovision Song Contest, it will feature all kinds of everything.
But with so many new countries in Europe, some appear to have found great difficulty in finding new ways to present their entries in the passionately fought competition.
So much so that several of them appear to have turned the clock back several decades this year to the days of La La La and Boom Bang-a-Bang.
And to judge from their acts in rehearsal, you could be forgiven for wondering if a couple of the Eastern European entrants haven't modelled themselves by mistake on a 1970s recording from the 52-year archives of our most enduring TV show.
Here are some of the acts competing for the final in Belgrade on May 24:
AZERBAIJAN
Population: 9 million
Performers: Elnur and Samir
Song: Day After Day
Style: Borat meets Liberace.
AZERBAIJAN: Elnur and Samir will croon Day After Day
Act: Features bizarre winged outfits and 70s style satin trousers, plus a skimpily clad female doing something questionable on her knees.
Biog: Elnur Huseynov and Samir Javadzade are carrying the flag for Azerbaijan as the country's first song contest entrants. Elnur, a 21-year-old hairdresser loves animals and wants to create his own zoo, which possibly explains the albatross outfit. Samir, 28, is a Whitney Houston fan and "likes to experiment with clothes".
BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA
Population: 4 million
Performers: Laka (with Mirela)
Song: Pokusaj (Try)
Style: Alice Cooper and Shirley Temple on speed.
Act: Fire-breathing devil worshipper cavorts on stage as manic Shirley Temple lookalike tries to show us her underwear.
Biog: A legend in the Balkans, Elvir Lakovic Laka formed a high school band called Tax Deformity and went on to win Bosnia and Herzegovina's coveted album of the year award. Mirela, Laka's little sister, plays the piano, loves singing and dressing up, and wants to become an actress.
BULGARIA
Population: 8 million
Performers: Deep Zone and Balthazar
Song: DJ Take Me Away
Style: Foxy blonde fronts oddball band.
BULGARIA: Deep Zone and Balthazar will belt out DJ Take Me Away
Act: Over-the-top extravaganza featuring DJs spinning flaming records as mini-skirted lead singer struts her 80s glam rock stuff.
Biog: Jonanna Dragneva, 21, is the not too widely known anchor-woman for a Bulgarian National Television show and lead singer of DZ&B, as Bulgarians know the group. Deep Zone Project was formed eight years ago and collaborated with DJ Balthazar to produce new line-up and the contest entry.
CROATIA
Population: 4 million
Performers: Kraljevi Ulice & 75 cents
Song: Romanca
Style: Grandad grabs microphone at wedding reception.
CROATIA: Kraljevi Ulice & 75 cents will perform Romanca
Act: Lead rapper steadies himself on a walking stick to deliver the lyrics while younger members of the group leap around and provide backing.
Biog: 75-year-old Ladislav Demeterffy Laci, aka 75 Cents, has become a national hero in Croatia after scoring hits with rap songs and enthralling interviewers with tales of his love life. Not surprisingly, he is the contest's oldest performer.
ESTONIA
Population: 1 million
Performers: Kreisiraadio
Song: Leto Svet (Summer Light)
Style: Pan's People meet Laurel & Hardy
ESTONIA: Kreisiraadio will sing Leto Svet (Summer Light)
Act: Bikini-clad blondes in stiletto heel boots clamber over three kneeling male submissives in a circus-style performance.
Biog: Kreisiraadio (crazy radio) is the male trio of the act and the blondes are the decoration. They have previously performed in opera, film and TV and on the radio. One of them - Hannes Vorno - has been an MP and is a lieutenant in the Estonian armed forces.
REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
Population: 4 million
Performer: Dustin the Turkey
Song: Irelande Douze Pointe
Style: Lightly marinated and fowl-mouthed
Ireland: Dustin the Turkey will perform Irelande Douze Pointe
Act: Man dresses as Turkey (or maybe it's a turkey dressed as a man). Whichever, it sings and dances. And gobbles, of course.
Biog: Dustin stars on an Irish TV programme and enjoys cult status and chart success. He ran a campaign in the Irish presidential elections as a representative of Fianna Fowl, and later the Poultry Party. Has previously sung with Sir Bob Geldof, Boyzone and Chris de Burgh.
FINLAND
Population: 5 million
Performers: Terasbetoni
Song: Missa Miehet Ratsastaa (Where Men Ride)
Style: Metallica meets Village People
FINLAND: Terasbetoni rock out to Missa Miehet Ratsastaa (Where Men Ride)
Act: Heavy metal music played by four muscle-men who are clearly too sexy for their shirts.
Biog: Terasbetoni - Finnish for Steel Reinforced Concrete - say they don't take themselves too seriously, but are fired by "new quests to overcome". Songs advocate a Pagan warrior lifestyle and a "brotherhood of metal".
LATVIA
Population: 2 million
Performers: Pirates of the Sea
Song: Wolves of the Sea
Style: Bucks Fizz do Christmas panto.
LATVIA: the Pirates of the Sea hit the stage with Wolves of the Sea
Act: Flintlock-waving, stripey-jumpered trio takes the stage for a performance that would not have looked out of place in the 1970s.
Biog: Impressive line-up includes a former female winner of the Latvian edition of Strictly Come Dancing; a Latvian-based Italian who starred in a home-produced version of West Side Story; and a seaman who spent two years sailing around the world without resorting to piracy.
SPAIN:
Population: 45 million
Performer: Rodolfo Chikilicuatre
Song: Baila El Chiki Chiki (Dance the Chiki Chiki)
Style: Kenny Everett does Elvis impersonation
SPAIN: Rodolfo Chikilicuatre and the catchy Baila El Chiki Chiki (Dance the Chiki Chiki)
Act: Plastic-guitar strumming eccentric flanks himself with two short-skirted Amazonian females to perform watered-down version of drum-driven Latin American Reggaeton song.
Biog: Rodolfo is a comedy character created by Buenos Aires born David Fernández Ortiz, 37, who introduced him to Spanish TV as the inventor of the vibrator-guitar. The original version of the song poked fun at Spanish politicians but was toned down for the non-political Eurovison.
dailymail.co.uk