Hi everyone! I'm new here, but was wondering whether anyone had any good advice for me. I've tried everything to lose weight - exercise, trying to eat 'right' - etc, but nothing has worked for me. I don't know what to do.
Friends are telling me to try diet pills, especially this new Alli drug everyone keeps talking about, but I just don't know...
Any ideas on where I could find some good diet pill info? I have checked out this site, and it has pretty good stuff on
diet pills and weight loss -
<snip>but I would also like some others. Thoughts? Thanx!
Jenn
You know what, screw diet pills. If you want to do drugs to lose weight do Heroin. That's right, smack, shooting in your arms junkie drug addict Heroin.
For starters, right away when you start using Heroin, you won't give a **** about any weight problem. So the self esteem issue changes because you just don't care about that crap any more.
Now here's a real perk, the only real thing you do on Heroin, is nothing until you need to have some more Heroin and so you have your days free for the first bit.
~Caution Here~ You better make sure that you are financially comfortable and have some money put away and an income to support your new Heroin Weight Loss Addiction System. Hey losing weight costs money especially if you don't want to do a lot of anything except Heroin.
So in the first month, you will begin to lose your appetite and whats cool is that you are going to have such a nice time of it. You want to make a few friends who are interested in doing Smack too, so that you can buy in quantity and get the discount and have some one to sort of relate to when you get high.
Month 2 will really see the pounds drop off. You get more active because you been losing all this weight and now that you are hanging with some funky new friends you are naturally spending more time out at the clubs, dancing, getting into some crazy situations. This is all a reward for all the hard work you've done finding and cultivating a dealer, friends to do Horse with and finding the whole new side of you that can walk into a drugstore and lie to get some syringes. So you have a new confidence going for you and you are out more, having fun and you feel so bloody good with the Junk you can see just great this stuff is for turning your life around.
Now let's get serious here for a minute. This is month three of shooting Heroin and there are some things you need to consider. Surgery to get all that pouchiness off your belly and ass, and
(listen honey, between you and me, some breast augmentation to make you look like a 19 year old, isn't going to get you kicked out of any hot tubs ok)
whatever is going to make things look a lot better and clothes fit even more complementary than they already are.
There may be an urge to slow down, get off this crazy train and get your life "back on track". It's natural, it's just the imbalanced thinking that got you to be over weight to start with talking. Ignore it, but if you find that you've binged or started eating a little more than you have to, remember there is nothing wrong with putting your finger down your throat you know what I mean? Lots of people do it and it's not like you have a problem gaining weight.
Time to get down to brass tacks. It's month 4, you have this whole Heroin thing under control. You have your support group sorted out and in place. You need to go shopping! All that baggy **** isn't going to fit you now darlin'. You need a whole new killer wardrobe to show off all this fineness. Now get your
fix, get cool and remember class and style cost so spend the extra money to do it right the first time. You need some gay people. Hair is important and so is having the right shoes and accessories. Make sure you have at least two power suits in the wardrobe. You are worth it. Plus if you are still working, those who know you at work are starting to figure out that you aren't doing what you should be. You know what, **** them right in their filthy assholes. This is the new you, and you're not here to take **** off anyone. You belong at the top and, Hell Yes, you deserve it. It's time to demand that promotion and an substantial raise. Be adamant on the raise part too cause hey, you are a heroin junkie and the **** ain't cheap. Remember it doesn't matter what you have to do because anytime there is a problem that way, that's right,
cook, tie off, load, spike, joyness
ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Now look at you. Five months later, you look drop dead gorgeous. Thin is in baby and you are ground zero.
So right about now you should feel like things are nearly perfect. I know, I know, it just feels right. But hey this is me your talking to, all right. You've got a date you know. Not that kind of a date, another kind. Sweetie we have to get you off the
Smack now. No not this very second, go on have another hit. But we are going to have to make some changes. And I'm sorry to say that this is going to hurt sunshine. We need to find some medical people. And you have to lose those funky new friends. And no more dealing. And stop all that damn lying.
This will feel like getting the **** pounded out of you. But you can start to eat again. And you will be able to have a dump. Not sure what the liver and kidneys are going to be like but still you are thin and you look fabulous!
Brought to you by the letter
H
