Richard Littlejohn's columns attack the things which blight modern Britain: it's obsession with political correctness, Health and Safety and Global Warming.
His latest column talks about Martin McGuinness of Sinn Fein (the political wing of the IRA terrorist group) condemning the recent racist violence shown by the people of Northern Ireland against Romanian immigrants ("it's a bit like discovering that the Yorkshire Ripper is running a rape crisis centre"); the fact that gipsies in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire are to be given priority in hospitals and GP surgeries ahead of other people; "Global Warming" in Swaffham; a very unhappy witches' coven; and the longest-ever public-sector job title on The Guardian's website.
Ahhh, modern Britain.
Racist, criminal? You should know, McGuinness
By Richard Littlejohn
19th June 2009
Daily Mail
Like the Yorkshire Ripper running a rape crisis centre: Northern Ireland's Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness condemns the violence against Romanians in Belfast
Northern Ireland's First Minister Martin McGuinness was interviewed on television condemning in no uncertain terms the shocking violence directed towards Romanians living in Belfast.
This was nothing less than a crime against humanity by 'racist criminals', he declared.
'It is a matter of great concern for us that a small, unrepresentative group would attempt to threaten and intimidate a large number of people.'
As this celebrated pacifist was expressing his outrage, no one appeared to spot the rather large elephant standing alongside him, wearing a balaclava and brandishing an Armalite.
McGuinness is exceptionally well-qualified to talk about small, unrepresentative groups threatening and intimidating people.
For a quarter of a century, he was one of the IRA godfathers when hundreds of people were murdered simply for being either British or Protestant.
So no racism there, then. He appeared to have no problem with innocent men, women and children being slaughtered for nothing more than finding themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether they happened to be young boys in Warrington or shoppers in Harrods.
Child killers: Jonathan Ball, aged 2, and Timothy Parry, aged 12, were murdered by the IRA in Warrington, Cheshire in 1993
It has been reported that those responsible for the recent violence were acting in retaliation for alleged Romanian pickpocketing gangs in Belfast city centre.
This is precisely the tactic used by IRA punishment squads against drug dealers and petty criminals in Republican neighbourhoods.
Anyone who crossed the Provo warlords was either run out of town, kneecapped or killed. There was appalling butchery on both sides of the sectarian divide, but McGuinness has an abbatoir-full of blood on his leather apron.
While we should rejoice that he has now renounced - but never apologised for - his terrorist past, listening to this sanctimonious ex-gangster playing the hand-wringing, anti-racist, law-and-order moralist sticks in the craw.
It's a bit like discovering that the Yorkshire Ripper is running a rape crisis centre.
******************************************************
Fast-tracking the Tarmacing community on the NHS
One of the many emails I received yesterday was from a loyal Daily Mail reader incensed at the news that the NHS has decided to give priority to gipsies in hospitals and GP surgeries.
He had tried to see his doctor in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, only to be told that the first 'pre-bookable' appointment was in a month's time.
His options were either to turn up on the dot of 8am, in which case he might be seen within three hours, or to sit pressing the redial button on his phone in the hope that someone would answer and offer him a slot some time between now and when he died of old age.
Because he's a busy man and works 15 miles from the surgery, he went for option two. When he finally got through, after 20 minutes, he was told all the appointments were taken.
Have a nice day. Had he been a gipsy, he would have been ushered to the top of the list.
Now, I can understand that this policy may have arisen from the most noble of intentions. If someone with a sick child is passing through town, they shouldn't be refused treatment simply because they don't have a fixed address.
But this has nothing to do with the milk of human kindness and owes everything to the venomous bile of the 'diversity' industry, which takes sadistic pleasure in persecuting the taxpaying majority.
Under the new edict, gipsies will be allocated a full 20 minutes with a doctor and allowed to bring their extended family into the waiting room.
The average length of a normal appointment, always assuming you can get one, is between five and ten minutes.
A Department of Health statement said it was 'fast-tracking' what it calls ' members of the mobile community' because they have difficulty accessing services.
The 'mobile community'? That's a new one on me. Is it because they all have top-of-the-range mobile phones?
Apparently: 'If members of the mobile community are not seen quickly, the opportunity could be lost as they move on or are moved on.'
Run that by me again. If the opportunity is lost, they can't have been that sick in the first place.
And as for moving on, one of the most striking aspects of the 'mobile community' is that they tend not to go anywhere - except flying to Florida on holiday twice a year.
The actual numbers of proper raggle-taggle, Romany gipsies in Britain is minute.
Most of these 'travellers' are Irish tinkers, itinerant scrap-metal merchants, scruffy hippies left over from the 1983 Glastonbury Festival, or dubious waifs and strays from Eastern Europe doing a bit of freelance begging.
Somehow, they have managed to get themselves classified as a homogenous, oppressed ethnic group, with all the rights, privileges and lavish welfare benefits that entails.
They also seem to be exempt from planning laws and the clutches of the Inland Revenue.
Hardly a week goes by without some poor sap having to demolish a house or barn conversion which has been built without permission two feet too close to the road or in an area of natural beauty.
Yet opportunist 'travellers' can Tarmac over the Green Belt during a Bank Holiday weekend and, in utter contravention of planning regulations, set up an illegal caravan park and stay there for life.
Anyone who objects is smeared as a 'racist' by the very authorities we pay to enforce the law. You can't blame the gipsies if they are indulged by every card-carrying Guardianista in Britain.
Groups covered by the preferential NHS treatment policy include Scottish gipsies, Welsh gipsies (what about English or Irish gipsies?), circus performers, fairground folk, New Age travellers and bargees.
I'd love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting. You can just imagine them all sitting round, sipping their Fairtrade coffee and nibbling their ethically sourced mung-bean snacks, when someone pipes up: 'What are we going to do about the bargees?'
I have visions of arriving at the surgery, only to be forced to wait in line behind assorted jugglers, clowns, a couple of diddicoys in kilts singing Men Of Harlech, a woman in a shawl selling lucky heather, some bloke with an earring and a pony tail dressed as Captain Pugwash and the cast of The Boys From The Blackstuff.
As my Mail reader from Wellingborough concluded: 'Next time I'm sick, I'll turn up in a gipsy costume, tie my brown and cream horse to the nearest lamp-post and demand an immediate appointment.'
***************************************************
Swaffham is hardly the Sahara
What was I saying a couple of weeks ago about foregoing the pleasure of Radio 4's Today programme first thing in the morning because it gets me up in a foul temper?
They were at it again yesterday. After a couple of cursory, softball questions to Environment Minister Hilary Benn about the real story of the day - MPs' fraudulent expenses claims - the subject moved on quickly to the BBC's obsession with ' climate change'.
Benn was allowed to assert that we're all going to be fried to a crisp by 2080 unless we pay more taxes, which is the whole point of the cynical 'global warming' scam.
Ignoring the fact that the world has actually got colder these past ten years and that in parts of northern Canada polar bears are breeding like rabbits, we were then transported to a farm in East Anglia, which we were assured was turning into a Saharan desert.
As it happens, my wife was driving through East Anglia this week. In Swaffham, which has been horribly scarred by a ludicrous War Of The Worlds wind turbine, she was forced to pull over because of a ferocious downpour, with hailstones the size of golf balls.
It was probably divine retribution for her driving an SUV.
*******************************************
Witches' coven banned
My favousite story of the week comes from Stockport, Greater Manchester, where a witches' coven has been banned from booking a church hall for a Halloween party.
Sandra Davis, aka Amethyst Selmeselene, the high priestess of the Crystal Cauldron group, claims they are victims of religious persecution.
She said they had chosen the hall for its excellent facilities, including disabled access. I'd assumed they'd be arriving on broomsticks, not in wheelchairs. Mrs Davis, who gave up her job with a fork-lift truck company to become a full-time witch, could not hide her disappointment. 'It makes you think that there is still a little bit of the attitude from the past of Catholics wanting to burn witches,' she complained.
Here we go looby-loo.
***********************************************************
However did they manage?
This week's edition of "Labour Investment, Tory Cuts" comes courtesy of reader John Gayfer, who has spotted what he believes is the longest-ever public-sector job title on The Guardian website.
Something called Positive East is seeking a: 'Caring with Confidence Programme Co-ordinator GMI Partnership (Positive East, Metro Centre, West London Gay Men's Project) and London Borough of Hounslow.'
In exchange for a £33,177 salary, the successful candidate will 'co-ordinate the delivery of the CwC Programme aimed at LGBT carers, managing staff and liaising with other agencies for the effective delivery of the programme'.
I don't know how they ever managed without one.
dailymail.co.uk
His latest column talks about Martin McGuinness of Sinn Fein (the political wing of the IRA terrorist group) condemning the recent racist violence shown by the people of Northern Ireland against Romanian immigrants ("it's a bit like discovering that the Yorkshire Ripper is running a rape crisis centre"); the fact that gipsies in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire are to be given priority in hospitals and GP surgeries ahead of other people; "Global Warming" in Swaffham; a very unhappy witches' coven; and the longest-ever public-sector job title on The Guardian's website.
Ahhh, modern Britain.
Racist, criminal? You should know, McGuinness
By Richard Littlejohn
19th June 2009
Daily Mail
Like the Yorkshire Ripper running a rape crisis centre: Northern Ireland's Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness condemns the violence against Romanians in Belfast
Northern Ireland's First Minister Martin McGuinness was interviewed on television condemning in no uncertain terms the shocking violence directed towards Romanians living in Belfast.
This was nothing less than a crime against humanity by 'racist criminals', he declared.
'It is a matter of great concern for us that a small, unrepresentative group would attempt to threaten and intimidate a large number of people.'
As this celebrated pacifist was expressing his outrage, no one appeared to spot the rather large elephant standing alongside him, wearing a balaclava and brandishing an Armalite.
McGuinness is exceptionally well-qualified to talk about small, unrepresentative groups threatening and intimidating people.
For a quarter of a century, he was one of the IRA godfathers when hundreds of people were murdered simply for being either British or Protestant.
So no racism there, then. He appeared to have no problem with innocent men, women and children being slaughtered for nothing more than finding themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether they happened to be young boys in Warrington or shoppers in Harrods.
Child killers: Jonathan Ball, aged 2, and Timothy Parry, aged 12, were murdered by the IRA in Warrington, Cheshire in 1993
It has been reported that those responsible for the recent violence were acting in retaliation for alleged Romanian pickpocketing gangs in Belfast city centre.
This is precisely the tactic used by IRA punishment squads against drug dealers and petty criminals in Republican neighbourhoods.
Anyone who crossed the Provo warlords was either run out of town, kneecapped or killed. There was appalling butchery on both sides of the sectarian divide, but McGuinness has an abbatoir-full of blood on his leather apron.
While we should rejoice that he has now renounced - but never apologised for - his terrorist past, listening to this sanctimonious ex-gangster playing the hand-wringing, anti-racist, law-and-order moralist sticks in the craw.
It's a bit like discovering that the Yorkshire Ripper is running a rape crisis centre.
******************************************************
Fast-tracking the Tarmacing community on the NHS
One of the many emails I received yesterday was from a loyal Daily Mail reader incensed at the news that the NHS has decided to give priority to gipsies in hospitals and GP surgeries.
He had tried to see his doctor in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, only to be told that the first 'pre-bookable' appointment was in a month's time.
His options were either to turn up on the dot of 8am, in which case he might be seen within three hours, or to sit pressing the redial button on his phone in the hope that someone would answer and offer him a slot some time between now and when he died of old age.
Because he's a busy man and works 15 miles from the surgery, he went for option two. When he finally got through, after 20 minutes, he was told all the appointments were taken.
Have a nice day. Had he been a gipsy, he would have been ushered to the top of the list.
Now, I can understand that this policy may have arisen from the most noble of intentions. If someone with a sick child is passing through town, they shouldn't be refused treatment simply because they don't have a fixed address.
But this has nothing to do with the milk of human kindness and owes everything to the venomous bile of the 'diversity' industry, which takes sadistic pleasure in persecuting the taxpaying majority.
Under the new edict, gipsies will be allocated a full 20 minutes with a doctor and allowed to bring their extended family into the waiting room.
The average length of a normal appointment, always assuming you can get one, is between five and ten minutes.
A Department of Health statement said it was 'fast-tracking' what it calls ' members of the mobile community' because they have difficulty accessing services.
The 'mobile community'? That's a new one on me. Is it because they all have top-of-the-range mobile phones?
Apparently: 'If members of the mobile community are not seen quickly, the opportunity could be lost as they move on or are moved on.'
Run that by me again. If the opportunity is lost, they can't have been that sick in the first place.
And as for moving on, one of the most striking aspects of the 'mobile community' is that they tend not to go anywhere - except flying to Florida on holiday twice a year.
The actual numbers of proper raggle-taggle, Romany gipsies in Britain is minute.
Most of these 'travellers' are Irish tinkers, itinerant scrap-metal merchants, scruffy hippies left over from the 1983 Glastonbury Festival, or dubious waifs and strays from Eastern Europe doing a bit of freelance begging.
Somehow, they have managed to get themselves classified as a homogenous, oppressed ethnic group, with all the rights, privileges and lavish welfare benefits that entails.
They also seem to be exempt from planning laws and the clutches of the Inland Revenue.
Hardly a week goes by without some poor sap having to demolish a house or barn conversion which has been built without permission two feet too close to the road or in an area of natural beauty.
Yet opportunist 'travellers' can Tarmac over the Green Belt during a Bank Holiday weekend and, in utter contravention of planning regulations, set up an illegal caravan park and stay there for life.
Anyone who objects is smeared as a 'racist' by the very authorities we pay to enforce the law. You can't blame the gipsies if they are indulged by every card-carrying Guardianista in Britain.
Groups covered by the preferential NHS treatment policy include Scottish gipsies, Welsh gipsies (what about English or Irish gipsies?), circus performers, fairground folk, New Age travellers and bargees.
I'd love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting. You can just imagine them all sitting round, sipping their Fairtrade coffee and nibbling their ethically sourced mung-bean snacks, when someone pipes up: 'What are we going to do about the bargees?'
I have visions of arriving at the surgery, only to be forced to wait in line behind assorted jugglers, clowns, a couple of diddicoys in kilts singing Men Of Harlech, a woman in a shawl selling lucky heather, some bloke with an earring and a pony tail dressed as Captain Pugwash and the cast of The Boys From The Blackstuff.
As my Mail reader from Wellingborough concluded: 'Next time I'm sick, I'll turn up in a gipsy costume, tie my brown and cream horse to the nearest lamp-post and demand an immediate appointment.'
***************************************************
Swaffham is hardly the Sahara
What was I saying a couple of weeks ago about foregoing the pleasure of Radio 4's Today programme first thing in the morning because it gets me up in a foul temper?
They were at it again yesterday. After a couple of cursory, softball questions to Environment Minister Hilary Benn about the real story of the day - MPs' fraudulent expenses claims - the subject moved on quickly to the BBC's obsession with ' climate change'.
Benn was allowed to assert that we're all going to be fried to a crisp by 2080 unless we pay more taxes, which is the whole point of the cynical 'global warming' scam.
Ignoring the fact that the world has actually got colder these past ten years and that in parts of northern Canada polar bears are breeding like rabbits, we were then transported to a farm in East Anglia, which we were assured was turning into a Saharan desert.
As it happens, my wife was driving through East Anglia this week. In Swaffham, which has been horribly scarred by a ludicrous War Of The Worlds wind turbine, she was forced to pull over because of a ferocious downpour, with hailstones the size of golf balls.
It was probably divine retribution for her driving an SUV.
*******************************************
Witches' coven banned
My favousite story of the week comes from Stockport, Greater Manchester, where a witches' coven has been banned from booking a church hall for a Halloween party.
Sandra Davis, aka Amethyst Selmeselene, the high priestess of the Crystal Cauldron group, claims they are victims of religious persecution.
She said they had chosen the hall for its excellent facilities, including disabled access. I'd assumed they'd be arriving on broomsticks, not in wheelchairs. Mrs Davis, who gave up her job with a fork-lift truck company to become a full-time witch, could not hide her disappointment. 'It makes you think that there is still a little bit of the attitude from the past of Catholics wanting to burn witches,' she complained.
Here we go looby-loo.
***********************************************************
However did they manage?
This week's edition of "Labour Investment, Tory Cuts" comes courtesy of reader John Gayfer, who has spotted what he believes is the longest-ever public-sector job title on The Guardian website.
Something called Positive East is seeking a: 'Caring with Confidence Programme Co-ordinator GMI Partnership (Positive East, Metro Centre, West London Gay Men's Project) and London Borough of Hounslow.'
In exchange for a £33,177 salary, the successful candidate will 'co-ordinate the delivery of the CwC Programme aimed at LGBT carers, managing staff and liaising with other agencies for the effective delivery of the programme'.
I don't know how they ever managed without one.
dailymail.co.uk
Last edited: