The Daily Mail's Richard Littlejohn attacks the Left-Wing Guardian newspaper over its scaremongering about Global Warming. He also targets two of its correspondents, George Monbiot and socialist Polly Toynbee.
In the article he writes as though it was being reported in a 17th Century version of The Guardian newspaper....
Ye ende of ye worlde is nigh!
27th July 1663
Ye Guardian
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN
As Mr Samuel Pepys records in his Diary today: "There was last night the greatest tide that ever was remembered in England to have been in this river, all Whitehall having been drowned."
Now that the waters of the Thames are lapping at the very doors of ye Palace of Westminster, will the King awake to ye very real threat global warminge poses to his realm?
For centuries, expertes have been warning of climate change. As long ago as 1236, there was a great deluge which caused the Halls of Westminster to flood. Many soothsayers predict that unless drastic provisions are enacted within 200 years, the Thames will cease to freeze over in winter, bringing to an end the annual frost fayres.
This journal, in particulair through the musings of Mistress Toynbee and Master Monbiot, has attempted to alert Parliament of the necessity to confront the man-made catastrophe soon to engulf this sceptred isle.
While we make no secret of our preference for Puritan rule over the monarchy, we did harbour hope that the accession of Charles, King of Scots, to the throne of England would usher in a new age of enlightenment, modernisation and diversity.
Yet our best wishes remain unfulfilled as His Royal Highness lives up to his reputation as Ye Merrie Monarch and leads a life of hedonism while ye crisis worsens.
Today, ye Guardian calls on Charles II to recall Parliament urgently to sanction a confection of emergency measures designed specifically to eradicate global warminge.
Firstly, there must be an immediate prohibition on the smoking of tobacco products in public places; namely ale houses, theatres and bear-baiting pits. Master Monbiot calculates that the effluent from this filthy habit is causing a hole the size of Wessex in ye ozone layer.
Furthermore, ye new-fangled "patyoe heaters" being erected in coach yards and beer gardenes for the comfort of imbibers in inclement weather, must be discouraged through the imposition of a special tariff; the proceeds of which should be expended on the recruitment of a dedicated army of global warminge co-ordinatores under the direction of a Carbonfinder General, to be appointed by ye King and given powers to Hang, Draw and Quarter all Enemyes of Ye Earthe.
Ye ecologistes are concerned about the emissions of harmful gases from livestock being kept in the environs of the Citye. Domestic cattle, pigges and sheepes, are giving off enough poisons to destroy ye rainforest of Epping, which has already been ravished by rapacious developers of property in ye Manor of Chigwelle.
Frost fayre on ye frozen River Thames last year
Ministers must therefore order the populace to switch to a diet consisting exclusively of vegetablesand grains; providing not just a reduction in greenhouse gasses but also a virtuous enhancement of wellbeinge.
The burning of fossile fuelles for heating and cooking is a major cause of concern. Introducing a compulsory vegan diet should eliminate the need for much cooking.
Instead of putting another log on the fire, citizens should be urged to wear an extra tunic. We must follow the example of our Celtic neighbours and extract more of our energye from renewable sources, such as Peat.
Transporte continues to leave a scar upon ye environmente. The highways and byways are littered with the exhaust droppings of horses and donkeys, giving rise to noxious fumes which rise up unto the Heavens and further erode the layer of ozone.
We call upon the Keeper of the Exchequer to levy an immediate 'green' tax on biofuels such as hay, which are contributing to the problem.
In addition, the populace must be discouraged from travelling in any horse-drawn vehicle, particularly in the Citye. We propose that a "congestion charge" zone be established between Ye Olde Balls Ponde Road in the North; Lambeth Walke in the South; Nottinge Hill in the West, and Wappinge in the East.
All vehicles entering the Citye will be subject to a daily fee of admission, thus encouraging more journeyes by foot and lower emissions.
Much more must be done to recycle domestic waste. Currently, housewyves are disposing of rotten food by feedyng it to their livestock-Once the livestock is removed By Law, other arrangements must be made.
Ye Corporation of Ye Citye of London should supply wheelye bins to each household, together with strict instructions on the sorting of waste into categories such as parchment and bottels, which will be collected once every two years.
Any citizen repeatedly depositing materiels in the wrong receptacle; ie: tipping the contents of a chamber pot into a bottel banke; will be hanged.
Lastly, returning to the present floods, work must begin at once on the construction of Ye Thames Barriere, at Greenwich, first proposed over 150 years ago by Mayor Dick Whittington, but cruelly postponed indefinitely because of ye Treasury spending cuts.
We ignore at our peril the eerily accurate prediction of one of the first ecologistes, St Swithin. He wrote, perceptively that on:
'St Swithin's Day,
if it does rain.
'Full forty days,
it will remain.'
We must act now. If we don't, the consequences could be dire and in less than 500 years the whole of Englande could be under water.
dailymail.co.uk
In the article he writes as though it was being reported in a 17th Century version of The Guardian newspaper....
Ye ende of ye worlde is nigh!
27th July 1663
Ye Guardian
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN
As Mr Samuel Pepys records in his Diary today: "There was last night the greatest tide that ever was remembered in England to have been in this river, all Whitehall having been drowned."
Now that the waters of the Thames are lapping at the very doors of ye Palace of Westminster, will the King awake to ye very real threat global warminge poses to his realm?
For centuries, expertes have been warning of climate change. As long ago as 1236, there was a great deluge which caused the Halls of Westminster to flood. Many soothsayers predict that unless drastic provisions are enacted within 200 years, the Thames will cease to freeze over in winter, bringing to an end the annual frost fayres.
This journal, in particulair through the musings of Mistress Toynbee and Master Monbiot, has attempted to alert Parliament of the necessity to confront the man-made catastrophe soon to engulf this sceptred isle.
While we make no secret of our preference for Puritan rule over the monarchy, we did harbour hope that the accession of Charles, King of Scots, to the throne of England would usher in a new age of enlightenment, modernisation and diversity.
Yet our best wishes remain unfulfilled as His Royal Highness lives up to his reputation as Ye Merrie Monarch and leads a life of hedonism while ye crisis worsens.
Today, ye Guardian calls on Charles II to recall Parliament urgently to sanction a confection of emergency measures designed specifically to eradicate global warminge.
Firstly, there must be an immediate prohibition on the smoking of tobacco products in public places; namely ale houses, theatres and bear-baiting pits. Master Monbiot calculates that the effluent from this filthy habit is causing a hole the size of Wessex in ye ozone layer.
Furthermore, ye new-fangled "patyoe heaters" being erected in coach yards and beer gardenes for the comfort of imbibers in inclement weather, must be discouraged through the imposition of a special tariff; the proceeds of which should be expended on the recruitment of a dedicated army of global warminge co-ordinatores under the direction of a Carbonfinder General, to be appointed by ye King and given powers to Hang, Draw and Quarter all Enemyes of Ye Earthe.
Ye ecologistes are concerned about the emissions of harmful gases from livestock being kept in the environs of the Citye. Domestic cattle, pigges and sheepes, are giving off enough poisons to destroy ye rainforest of Epping, which has already been ravished by rapacious developers of property in ye Manor of Chigwelle.
Frost fayre on ye frozen River Thames last year
Ministers must therefore order the populace to switch to a diet consisting exclusively of vegetablesand grains; providing not just a reduction in greenhouse gasses but also a virtuous enhancement of wellbeinge.
The burning of fossile fuelles for heating and cooking is a major cause of concern. Introducing a compulsory vegan diet should eliminate the need for much cooking.
Instead of putting another log on the fire, citizens should be urged to wear an extra tunic. We must follow the example of our Celtic neighbours and extract more of our energye from renewable sources, such as Peat.
Transporte continues to leave a scar upon ye environmente. The highways and byways are littered with the exhaust droppings of horses and donkeys, giving rise to noxious fumes which rise up unto the Heavens and further erode the layer of ozone.
We call upon the Keeper of the Exchequer to levy an immediate 'green' tax on biofuels such as hay, which are contributing to the problem.
In addition, the populace must be discouraged from travelling in any horse-drawn vehicle, particularly in the Citye. We propose that a "congestion charge" zone be established between Ye Olde Balls Ponde Road in the North; Lambeth Walke in the South; Nottinge Hill in the West, and Wappinge in the East.
All vehicles entering the Citye will be subject to a daily fee of admission, thus encouraging more journeyes by foot and lower emissions.
Much more must be done to recycle domestic waste. Currently, housewyves are disposing of rotten food by feedyng it to their livestock-Once the livestock is removed By Law, other arrangements must be made.
Ye Corporation of Ye Citye of London should supply wheelye bins to each household, together with strict instructions on the sorting of waste into categories such as parchment and bottels, which will be collected once every two years.
Any citizen repeatedly depositing materiels in the wrong receptacle; ie: tipping the contents of a chamber pot into a bottel banke; will be hanged.
Lastly, returning to the present floods, work must begin at once on the construction of Ye Thames Barriere, at Greenwich, first proposed over 150 years ago by Mayor Dick Whittington, but cruelly postponed indefinitely because of ye Treasury spending cuts.
We ignore at our peril the eerily accurate prediction of one of the first ecologistes, St Swithin. He wrote, perceptively that on:
'St Swithin's Day,
if it does rain.
'Full forty days,
it will remain.'
We must act now. If we don't, the consequences could be dire and in less than 500 years the whole of Englande could be under water.
dailymail.co.uk
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