Do you have trouble understanding politics? If so, the following
primer should clear it up for you. No bull.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
CAMBODIAN DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
DIRECT DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is
impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both,
shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a
debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
he milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas
about government. The cow runs for office, and while most
people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except
the other cow votes for her because they think it would be
"throwing their vote away."
NAZISM: The government shoots you and takes the cows.
NEW DEALISM: The government shoots one cow, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink.
ANARCHISM: Keep the cows. Steal another one. Shoot the government.
CONSERVATISM: Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows.
LIBERALISM: Give away one cow. Get the government to give you a new cow. Now give them both away.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
primer should clear it up for you. No bull.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
CAMBODIAN DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
DIRECT DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is
impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both,
shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a
debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
he milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas
about government. The cow runs for office, and while most
people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except
the other cow votes for her because they think it would be
"throwing their vote away."
NAZISM: The government shoots you and takes the cows.
NEW DEALISM: The government shoots one cow, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink.
ANARCHISM: Keep the cows. Steal another one. Shoot the government.
CONSERVATISM: Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows.
LIBERALISM: Give away one cow. Get the government to give you a new cow. Now give them both away.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
