McCain Spills the Beans About Rumsfeld
William Prendergast
Senator McCain got himself in trouble with his fellow Republicans again by telling the truth: he said he has "no confidence"—that’s right, he said "NO confidence," absolutely none—in Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the "military genius" who’s running the Iraq war for Mr. Bush.
At least McCain kept his real opinion of Rumsfeld to himself until the election was over and President Bush was safely back in the White House. Thank goodness!! Can you imagine what would have happened had he spoken the truth to the nation during his prime time speech at the GOP convention?
"My friends, I am here tonight to endorse George W. Bush for a second term as President of the United States."
(Thunderous cheers and applause.)
"No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute… I’m not doing it because I want to—I’m doing it because I have to. It’s sheer party loyalty. What I think of the man personally doesn’t matter-- although I’ll tell you quite frankly, I’ve have had piles removed that displayed more character and better judgment that President George W. Bush.
"But let’s get one thing straight, right now. I have to endorse…what’s-his-face, because he’s the nominee—but one thing that I don’t have to endorse and cannot endorse and will not endorse is that idiot Rumsfeld. If the past four years have proven anything, it’s that Donald Rumsfeld is a lying, incompetent butthead. I have absolutely no confidence in him, and neither would you, if had more than half a brain, which, let’s face it, most of you don’t."
(Shouts of protest from crowd.)
"Aw, shut up! You’re not even real delegates. You’re not allowed to nominate anyone besides who they sent you to nominate, so shut up! If you were real delegates, you would have insisted on nominating me; because it just so happens that by every objective standard, I am a real leader with real credibility and I have something that approaches integrity. But no, that’s not what the GOP wants these days; no, sir. You don’t go for that; you go for President "Please, Daddy, get me out of Viet Nam, no I won’t go AWOL if you do, oh sorry, tee-hee, I deserted." Or you vote for Mr. Fabulous Rudy Trend-dee-nee 9-11 "Leadership" Balding Ex-Mayor of New York here, who appears on podiums with his mistress. Or you go and vote for an Austrian bodybuilder who started his career as some kind of rent-boy posing in a jock strap. God help the Republican Party, that’s all I can say about that.
"I have to take Bush. Take him right down the throat, hairs, warts and all, gagging all the way. Why? Because I’m a loyal Republican. The party says "Bush," so I say "Bush." And then when no one’s looking, I spit and I take a shot of Jack Daniels to get the taste out of my mouth.
"But I will not crawl. I didn’t crawl to the Cong, and I won’t crawl to you idiots, either. No, sir. Certainly not to benefit the worst Secretary of Defense in American history. Noooo waaaaay! Rumsfeld’s an ass! He’s not even good at lying! Do you remember when he first got the job, and he announced to the press that he was going to set up a Department of Disinformation for the specific purpose of lying to the rest of the world? What kind of numbnuts announces that he’s set up a tax-funded government bureau for the specific purpose of lying? The minute I heard that, I said to myself, "Hoo-boy, here we go. We’re in trouble." Was I right, or was I right?"
(Shouted objections from the crowd.)
"Oh, shut your holes, you little weasels. You wanna brown nose him, do it on your own nickel. I’m here to tell you the truth, and the truth is that Rumsfeld lies to public, to the Senate, to the Congress, to the press, and to the men and women serving in our armed forces! He lies to all the people of all the nations of the world, all the time! Do really think he didn’t know that prisoners were being tortured? Like hell he didn’t know! Thank God I don’t have to endorse him at this convention, because if I did, I’d puke right here--on camera, on national television, I’d puke my back teeth up just like Bush’s dad did in Japan! It would not be pretty! So thank your lucky stars, people!"
"Hear me now, believe me later: if you trust Rumsfeld to look out for your kids, they’ll end up picking through Iraqi garbage dumps looking for empty Pepsi cans to armor their vehicles with. He’s too stupid to catch bin Laden and too much of a megalomaniac to resign. He’s a lying, incompetent narcissistic creep. Do-you-understan’-the-words-that-are-comin’-out-of-my-mouth?
"But I do endorse the guy who hired Rumsfeld and is keeping him on, long after it’s become apparent to the rest of the world that Rumsfeld doesn’t know what he’s doing and has been lying about what he’s doing for years. That I will do, because I am a loyal member of the Republican Party."
"I wanted to end on a positive note like that. So now, good night to you all, and God bless you, and God help you and God help America’s troops in Iraq, with Donald flipping Rumsfeld in charge of them."
(Taps his notecards on the podium to straighten them out, slicks his hair back, then exits to dead silence.)
William Prendergast
Senator McCain got himself in trouble with his fellow Republicans again by telling the truth: he said he has "no confidence"—that’s right, he said "NO confidence," absolutely none—in Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the "military genius" who’s running the Iraq war for Mr. Bush.
At least McCain kept his real opinion of Rumsfeld to himself until the election was over and President Bush was safely back in the White House. Thank goodness!! Can you imagine what would have happened had he spoken the truth to the nation during his prime time speech at the GOP convention?
"My friends, I am here tonight to endorse George W. Bush for a second term as President of the United States."
(Thunderous cheers and applause.)
"No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute… I’m not doing it because I want to—I’m doing it because I have to. It’s sheer party loyalty. What I think of the man personally doesn’t matter-- although I’ll tell you quite frankly, I’ve have had piles removed that displayed more character and better judgment that President George W. Bush.
"But let’s get one thing straight, right now. I have to endorse…what’s-his-face, because he’s the nominee—but one thing that I don’t have to endorse and cannot endorse and will not endorse is that idiot Rumsfeld. If the past four years have proven anything, it’s that Donald Rumsfeld is a lying, incompetent butthead. I have absolutely no confidence in him, and neither would you, if had more than half a brain, which, let’s face it, most of you don’t."
(Shouts of protest from crowd.)
"Aw, shut up! You’re not even real delegates. You’re not allowed to nominate anyone besides who they sent you to nominate, so shut up! If you were real delegates, you would have insisted on nominating me; because it just so happens that by every objective standard, I am a real leader with real credibility and I have something that approaches integrity. But no, that’s not what the GOP wants these days; no, sir. You don’t go for that; you go for President "Please, Daddy, get me out of Viet Nam, no I won’t go AWOL if you do, oh sorry, tee-hee, I deserted." Or you vote for Mr. Fabulous Rudy Trend-dee-nee 9-11 "Leadership" Balding Ex-Mayor of New York here, who appears on podiums with his mistress. Or you go and vote for an Austrian bodybuilder who started his career as some kind of rent-boy posing in a jock strap. God help the Republican Party, that’s all I can say about that.
"I have to take Bush. Take him right down the throat, hairs, warts and all, gagging all the way. Why? Because I’m a loyal Republican. The party says "Bush," so I say "Bush." And then when no one’s looking, I spit and I take a shot of Jack Daniels to get the taste out of my mouth.
"But I will not crawl. I didn’t crawl to the Cong, and I won’t crawl to you idiots, either. No, sir. Certainly not to benefit the worst Secretary of Defense in American history. Noooo waaaaay! Rumsfeld’s an ass! He’s not even good at lying! Do you remember when he first got the job, and he announced to the press that he was going to set up a Department of Disinformation for the specific purpose of lying to the rest of the world? What kind of numbnuts announces that he’s set up a tax-funded government bureau for the specific purpose of lying? The minute I heard that, I said to myself, "Hoo-boy, here we go. We’re in trouble." Was I right, or was I right?"
(Shouted objections from the crowd.)
"Oh, shut your holes, you little weasels. You wanna brown nose him, do it on your own nickel. I’m here to tell you the truth, and the truth is that Rumsfeld lies to public, to the Senate, to the Congress, to the press, and to the men and women serving in our armed forces! He lies to all the people of all the nations of the world, all the time! Do really think he didn’t know that prisoners were being tortured? Like hell he didn’t know! Thank God I don’t have to endorse him at this convention, because if I did, I’d puke right here--on camera, on national television, I’d puke my back teeth up just like Bush’s dad did in Japan! It would not be pretty! So thank your lucky stars, people!"
"Hear me now, believe me later: if you trust Rumsfeld to look out for your kids, they’ll end up picking through Iraqi garbage dumps looking for empty Pepsi cans to armor their vehicles with. He’s too stupid to catch bin Laden and too much of a megalomaniac to resign. He’s a lying, incompetent narcissistic creep. Do-you-understan’-the-words-that-are-comin’-out-of-my-mouth?
"But I do endorse the guy who hired Rumsfeld and is keeping him on, long after it’s become apparent to the rest of the world that Rumsfeld doesn’t know what he’s doing and has been lying about what he’s doing for years. That I will do, because I am a loyal member of the Republican Party."
"I wanted to end on a positive note like that. So now, good night to you all, and God bless you, and God help you and God help America’s troops in Iraq, with Donald flipping Rumsfeld in charge of them."
(Taps his notecards on the podium to straighten them out, slicks his hair back, then exits to dead silence.)