Cats Are Similar To Teenagers

[Twila]

Cats Are Similar To Teenagers.

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10.Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

 

[Spade]

Fortunately, teenagers become adults; cats just get older.

 

[Tyr]

Fortunately, teenagers become adults; cats just get older.

.... and teenagers tend to grow out of the dander stage, only to fall back into it in old age. Cats are "danderized" for life

 

[Spade]

When a cat walks within a 100 metres of my wife, her eyes swell shut. I have learnt to use an antihistamine when a teenager approaches.

 

[Twila]

Plus side of cats is you can have them fixed....then they don't return with offspring...teenagers..not so much.

cats mooch for 15yrs...teenagers much much longer

 

[Spade]

Plus side of cats is you can have them fixed....then they don't return with offspring...teenagers..not so much.

cats mooch for 15yrs...teenagers much much longer

Cats can be spayed and spaded.

 

[Tyr]

Cats can be "evil"

 

[Tyr]

Teens are just misunderstood

 

[Colpy]

Plus side of cats is you can have them fixed....then they don't return with offspring...teenagers..not so much.

cats mooch for 15yrs...teenagers much much longer

Plus side of cats is you can have them put down if they become destructive: not so with teenagers

 

[VanIsle]

Cats can be spayed and spaded.

No they cannot. Sorry. No Spades here. Look up the word spay. It does not include "ed" (with any spelling)

 

[Tyr]

Cats can be spayed and spaded.

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[Spade]

No they cannot. Sorry. No Spades here. Look up the word spay. It does not include "ed" (with any spelling)

I've been slagged by my cousin! The pain, O the pain! Sorry cousin, butcher wrong!

From the Merry Am Dictionary!
Quote:
spay
Pronunciation:
\ˈspā, ÷ ˈspād\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
spayed \ˈspād, ÷ ˈspā-dəd\ ; spay·ing \ˈspā-iŋ, ÷ ˈspā-diŋ\
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French espeer to pierce, castrate, from espee sword, from Latin spatha sword — more at spade
Date:
15th century
: to remove the ovaries and uterus of (a female animal)

 

[Spade]

to spade (third-person singular simple present spades, present participle spading, simple past and past participle spaded)
To turn over soil with a spade to loosen the ground for planting.

 

[Said1]

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

 

[VanIsle]

I've been slagged by my cousin! The pain, O the pain! Sorry cousin, butcher wrong!

From the Merry Am Dictionary!
Quote:
spay
Pronunciation:
\ˈspā, ÷ ˈspād\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
spayed \ˈspād, ÷ ˈspā-dəd\ ; spay·ing \ˈspā-iŋ, ÷ ˈspā-diŋ\
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French espeer to pierce, castrate, from espee sword, from Latin spatha sword — more at spade
Date:
15th century
: to remove the ovaries and uterus of (a female animal)

So .....? We were talking about cats!

 

[VanIsle]

to spade (third-person singular simple present spades, present participle spading, simple past and past participle spaded)
To turn over soil with a spade to loosen the ground for planting.

I see. That means then that we can say "Spade, spaded the flower beds"? Did you go back a few centuries?:-?

 

[Spade]

So .....? We were talking about cats!

Yep, we were! Henry's cat is spayed.

and

If you have not used the verb "to spade," then, cousin, you must be dirt poor!