Re: Burial, cremation or other?Nov 5th, 2007
On the second day of the twelve days of mourning I want, after the coroner has figured out what killed me and pronounced that officially, I want to be lovingly prepared by 4 young sexy morticians, a 22 year old female Swedish makeup artist in a bikini, and red rose petals surrounding my table. My head shaved, nails trimmed and a nice shave with warm lather.
On the third day of the twelve days of mourning I want, my car prepared with a full tank of gas, oil change, and detailed inside and out so that it's as clean as a hounds tooth. All my music loaded onto a 300 gig mp3 player and the scent of sandal wood with a hint of patchouli infused in warm oil and rubbed into the wood work.
On the four day of the twelve days of mourning I want to be dressed in a pimpin zoot suit with a reit pleat, hat and cane. My pocket watch, $3000 in hundreds in my money clip on my right hip and a flask of Bushmills Blackbush in my inside coat pocket. In the trunk a keg of Guinness and four one pint bar glasses from Ireland.
On the fifth day of the twelve days of mourning I want, to be set upon a large oak chair with my pimpin hat pulled down slightly to shade my eyes and before me my wife and those loyal to me to to commit Seppuku and their bodies prepared for ritual burial.
On the sixth day of the twelve days of mourning I want, to be placed in my car where my wife and those loyal to me have been already placed and the music started. I want 40 mourners to openly weep and wail with uncontrollable lunges toward the car crying "why, why?" The car started and locked and the room sealed so the mourners will die of carbon monoxide asphyxiation.
On the seventh day of the twelve days of mourning, I want the building sealed up in brick and then parged with lead and finally sheathed in stainless steal and welded to form an air tight seal.
On the eighth day of the twelve days of mourning I want Pink Floyd with Roger Waters to perform Dark Side Of The Moon from the roof top of the building live.
On the ninth day of mourning of the twelve days of mourning I want, a wake to be held on the Toronto Islands. A feast of epic proportions and free alcohol provided and giant banners with my face on them unfurled at dawn. This should last for 16 hours at which time a small New Orleans band shall lead the procession back to the docks for the ferry and all traces of the activities removed from the Islands.
On the tenth day of the twelve days of mourning I want, in all the major cities in Canada free bus service for all and for each person who rides the bus I want them to be given a free quality tshirt with a picture of my smiling face and two thumbs up in their size.
On the eleventh day of the twelve days of mourning I wan an inquiry.
On the twelfth day of the twelve days of mourning I want a parade down the main drags of Vancouver, Calgary Winnipeg, Toronto Montreal and Halifax kicking off at the very same time. I want one hundred elephants and one hundred horses one hundred dogs and one hundred rats to be taken along the parade routes with no explanation.
I explained this to my wife who is in complete agreement.
She said, "Yeah....sure".
And that's about it.