"The trash lines up at my door just to bring me the news"

Sal luv - wise words but how do you know the difference?
Sometimes we cannot always bring success to people - even though that is what we wished for them - but do not blame them or cut them off if they do not attain your perceived goal for them. They have to find their own way and want it badly enough.
There will still be some people you can have an impact upon and assist through a troubled series of events....and there will always be the malingerers.... how to tell which is which?

Honestly Curiosity, I don't know how I know the difference except I can spot 'em a mile away. It takes a few in-depth conversations and any bitterness tends to surface. They are typically the ones who blame everything on everyone else. Their x is a nightmare. Their friends trick and betray them. Their family never understands them. Any kind of "twist" and I do my turn.
Doesn't mean you can't support them in the moment or even superficially on a daily basis if you work with them. I just set my boundaries and close off my personal life.
I never have goals for people including myself. This is contrary to what our society teaches us. We must always have goals. I just never went in that direction, I am always too busy living the moment. I haven't figured out yet "how" that works for me except I think you have to maximize every moment and the rest just falls into place. Give it our all. It's worked for the last 51 years, I hope it works for the next grace period. lol

Good thoughts Sal
I liked the point you made about not having "goals for people or self" - because there is bound to be disappointment when goals are not attained, even if they would have been counter productive anyway.
I also liked the way you view things and I could use a lesson or two in trying the views out on my own way of handling my personal life. Thanks for giving me something to chew on today....it is of value to me. Curio

Don't be an ass, Unforgiven. The software is fairly new to us all and we've never had to use these things till the Viner bunch arrived with their constant back biting and fighting. It's lack of needing to use the functions, not purposeful deletion. The staff is well within their rights to delete whatever we see fit ... we have no need to use subterfuge if we want to remove something.

Honestly Curiosity, I don't know how I know the difference except I can spot 'em a mile away. It takes a few in-depth conversations and any bitterness tends to surface. They are typically the ones who blame everything on everyone else. Their x is a nightmare. Their friends trick and betray them. Their family never understands them. Any kind of "twist" and I do my turn.
Doesn't mean you can't support them in the moment or even superficially on a daily basis if you work with them. I just set my boundaries and close off my personal life.
I never have goals for people including myself. This is contrary to what our society teaches us. We must always have goals. I just never went in that direction, I am always too busy living the moment. I haven't figured out yet "how" that works for me except I think you have to maximize every moment and the rest just falls into place. Give it our all. It's worked for the last 51 years, I hope it works for the next grace period. lol


Hmmm.... Do you know the last three ladies who washed their feet in my life perchance? Narcissistism, bi-polar, MPD - complete with sleletons in the closets and bats in the belfrey.
Why do I attract them? Maybe it's because I listen. Maybe it's because I care. Maybe I was just too damned vulnerable. This big heart is a too-open and convenient landing ground. At least I came ahead from the last one when I actually got nerve enough to take a big risk. The rest is a long involved story.
Wolf
Actually, I worried about it enough that I went to counselling. I mean ... it couldn't be the rest of the world, right? Counsellor scoped out my big failing right away.... Boundaries! I don't set up clear and strong ones. She did like my cutsie-pie little feel-good analogy though:
A wounded heart is like a bird with a broken wing. I can pick it up and take it home. I can feed it and love it. I can make it strong and fix its hurts. When it''s all better, it's time to go, so it poops on me and flys away....
Thanks
Wolf

Hmmm.... Do you know the last three ladies who washed their feet in my life perchance? Narcissistism, bi-polar, MPD - complete with sleletons in the closets and bats in the belfrey.
Why do I attract them? Maybe it's because I listen. Maybe it's because I care. Maybe I was just too damned vulnerable. This big heart is a too-open and convenient landing ground. At least I came ahead from the last one when I actually got nerve enough to take a big risk. The rest is a long involved story.
Wolf
Maybe they had nice boobs!!