More single women than men?


SwitSof
#1
I am shocked to hear some news from an ex-colleague that another ex-colleague whom I expect the least to get married quickly is going to get married soon.
I suppose a congrat is in order indeed, but it just bewilders me how she can get married sooner than other fantastic single women I know out there.
This woman is more of a tomboy, always wears trousers and T-shirt even cause our department is more of the back office, so it's pretty casual. She never wears make up even though there are blemishes on her face. It's probably a sign of self-confidence which is of course a good thing for her. She is rather chubby and despite of these personality-wise she is not really a nice person either however...
I know I'm being unkind and am not proud of it, but I know women who are prettier, nicer, smart, financially independent and still single.
It really bewilders me how no man ever asked these women's hand in marriage. They are already in their late 30s and I know at least one doesn't mind it much even though she just had her 40th b'day this year even, but I know one is quite worried and started asking herself why.
When I was in Japan, I also saw there are more single women in their 30s than the men. And some of them would go to say Bali to find men who would fancy them. Who said only men who can order Russian brides huh?
What are you guys looking for actually anyway? I must admit if I were a guy, I at least would ask one of these women on a date instantly and it confuses me no man has as they told me they haven't been on a date for couple of years even!
 
Minority Observer84
#2
Well I think the entire concept of being married is overrated . People assume marriage as a life milestone . Finsh college , get a good job , get married have kids . Boring! I've been single for years just having very short relations I'am only 22 but I'am not at all interested in getting married . As far as i'am concerned staying with the same person for years on end would drive me to extreme boredom.
 
eh1eh
#3
Maybe your chubby friend is settling for what she can get. Maybe the pretty financially stable ones are too picky, having expectations of having a man that is just as good looking and financially set as they are. That would narrow the odds quite a bit. Maybe their standards are set too high? Maybe they are nice and personable in social settings but stuck up prisses to potential partners. I guess it's all in your attitude as to what results you can get. If they've not even been asked out they must be putting out some bad vibes.

On a lighter note, you could recommend this service. (external - login to view)
 
DurkaDurka
#4
Why date when you can go on the Internet? You can chat, look at porn, chat some more, look at more porn. All your needs filled right there...
 
SwitSof
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Well I think the entire concept of being married is overrated . People assume marriage as a life milestone . Finsh college , get a good job , get married have kids . Boring! I've been single for years just having very short relations I'am only 22 but I'am not at all interested in getting married . As far as i'am concerned staying with the same person for years on end would drive me to extreme boredom.

Well, good for you then if you don't want to get married. I'm sure there are women out there who think and want the same thing with you.
 
SwitSof
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by DurkaDurkaView Post

Why date when you can go on the Internet? You can chat, look at porn, chat some more, look at more porn. All your needs filled right there...

Well... if you are satisfied with that, good on ya.
I and these female friends I know at least want companionship. Nothing on the internet beats the first kiss and the electricity you feel when a loved one puts his arms around you.
 
SwitSof
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by eh1ehView Post

Maybe your chubby friend is settling for what she can get. Maybe the pretty financially stable ones are too picky, having expectations of having a man that is just as good looking and financially set as they are. That would narrow the odds quite a bit. Maybe their standards are set too high? Maybe they are nice and personable in social settings but stuck up prisses to potential partners. I guess it's all in your attitude as to what results you can get. If they've not even been asked out they must be putting out some bad vibes.

Perhaps... for the chubby girl.
What are these vibes that you blokes get usually?
I don't reckon they're high maintenance. I'm not high maintenance for sure and don't really fancy high maintenance people even as friends, so I don't reckon they are as we do get along well. I even just travelled in Ireland before I moved to France with one of these women and we got along quite well and I've been travelling alone all this while.
Of course I don't reckon they're that desperate to lower their standards too low. I myself would prefer to be alone rather to compromise so much with somebody I have nothing in common with.
They seem to want normal nice guys: guys who have a job that at least can support themselves financially, who know how to love and respect her, who know what they want in life, who have the same interests and values and who can present themselves well enough and at least be neat if we're talking about appearance.
Quote:

On a lighter note, you could recommend this service. (external - login to view)

Are you kidding me?! One of these women used to be a flight attendant even!
 
Minority Observer84
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post

I'm sure there are women out there who think and want the same thing with you.

Ahmen to that !
 
eh1eh
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post


Are you kidding me?! One of these women used to be a flight attendant even!

Yes. It's a gag site. LOL
 
hermanntrude
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Well I think the entire concept of being married is overrated .

It's not.
 
SwitSof
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by hermanntrudeView Post

It's not.

Maybe you can deliberate that more Hermann to the 22-year old lad here, since you're married.
 
karrie
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Well I think the entire concept of being married is overrated . People assume marriage as a life milestone . Finsh college , get a good job , get married have kids . Boring! I've been single for years just having very short relations I'am only 22 but I'am not at all interested in getting married . As far as i'am concerned staying with the same person for years on end would drive me to extreme boredom.

That's about the typical thought process for a young man.
 
SwitSof
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

That's about the typical thought process for a young man.

Probably not, heaps of men recently are like that.
Have a good friend who is French Belgian and is now 37 years old and is still afraid of commitment.
I heard him talking that he would like to have children someday but still the idea of getting married scares the heck out of him.
The Irish men are also avoiding marriage now. From what I've heard they don't want to lose everything if a divorce were in order several years down the road later, which did happen to some men and I must admit I don't find it fair actually. This fear is understandable, but yeah I'm not sure how to put it, still for the longest time it does seem the women would be the party who wants to tie the knot whereas the men do everything they can to get away. Still not sure why...
 
hermanntrude
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post

Maybe you can deliberate that more Hermann to the 22-year old lad here, since you're married.

\

Well first of all, i'd say that at 22, marriage didn't make a lot of sense to me either.

I'd also say that if you never meet someone you can trust and communicate with deeply enough, then marriage isn't any good for you, but of course that might not be because there's no-one good enough....

Having said that, if you're up to it, marriage is very rewarding indeed. Two people can live so much more easily together. safety, security, emotional support, always having someone to talk to, someone you don't have to hide anything from, someone who knows everything.

And of course if you didn't get married (or at least act married) then you wouldn't have a family. I think having a family will be even more rewarding than having a wife. I'll let you know, though...
 
Minority Observer84
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by hermanntrudeView Post

It's not.

Is too! LOL
 
SwitSof
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Is too! LOL

Very mature...
 
Minority Observer84
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post

Probably not, heaps of men recently are like that.
Have a good friend who is French Belgian and is now 37 years old and is still afraid of commitment.
I heard him talking that he would like to have children someday but still the idea of getting married scares the heck out of him.
The Irish men are also avoiding marriage now. From what I've heard they don't want to lose everything if a divorce were in order several years down the road later, which did happen to some men and I must admit I don't find it fair actually. This fear is understandable, but yeah I'm not sure how to put it, still for the longest time it does seem the women would be the party who wants to tie the knot whereas the men do everything they can to get away. Still not sure why...

I don't think it's something about me that's going to change . I find the whole idea of monogomy boring . Plus a person gives up a lot of the freedoms they gained from adult hood to marriage . I have a friend every single time we go out his wife calls him at least 4-5 times my god ! he even check in with her whenever he's going to be late from work (seriously one time I was driving him home from work and I get a flat and he calls to tell her he's gona be late because of my flat ) Granted he does it to her whenever she's out and about but still it's infantile.By the way having kids is extremely overrated . Why anyone would anyone want the responsibility , financial pressure and the general extra work attached to having offspring is beyond me .

P.S my parents have been married for more than 30 years and have 6 kids I still can't figure that out .
 
Minority Observer84
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post

Very mature...

Yeah i guess i'am making karrie's point for her
 
SwitSof
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

P.S my parents have been married for more than 30 years and have 6 kids I still can't figure that out .

Easy... you haven't been in love.
 
karrie
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Yeah i guess i'am making karrie's point for her

That wasn't my point. It's not a matter of immaturity per se. It's more a matter of natural progressions. Most young people need to get to know themselves well, enjoy time exploring the world, before they're ready to settle down into a marriage and/or family life. Immaturity, while it might be the proper technical definition, bears conotations that I really don't think apply.
 
hermanntrude
#21
I think one day you'll change your mind. You said you don't think that's true, and so did i when I was your age.

As for the loss of freedom, that's an issue between the couple. Some couples are happy for one of them to vanish for a few days and not explain when they come home, which is weird to me, and some couples like to call each other ten times a day. I think that's crazy too. The thing is, much of it is politeness. If I'm gonna be late home, my wife would benefit from knowing so, so i'll send her a message by msn, that way she won't plan anything that'd be ruined by my being late. Having said that there's no need for me to call her all the time or vice versa.

You've mentioned all the negative sides of having children, and yes, i'm very aware of them. It scares me a lot to be the one who an entire family are dependant on for an income. The responsibility scares me too. Having said that, the positive side is giant quantities of love, getting to know and shape a new person, and make a life which is half you and half your wife... My baby already fascinates me and i've only ever seen one picture of it, and that was in black and white and a bit grainy. It moves around inside her, gets hiccups... i talk to it and feel it all the time. I can't wait to get to know it, even if it pukes and ****s on me and makes me poor.
 
Minority Observer84
#22
Quote: Originally Posted by SwitSofView Post

Easy... you haven't been in love.

Love another thing extremely overrated .
 
hermanntrude
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

Love another thing extremely overrated .

wrong again.

Misunderstood, surely. overrated, nope. Under-rated, I'd say.
 
SwitSof
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by hermanntrudeView Post

wrong again.

Misunderstood, surely. overrated, nope. Under-rated, I'd say.

Why is that?
 
hermanntrude
#25
The fact is that love is a hard thing to understand, mostly because of the myths in current circulation. The most common myth is that it's a passive thing, something that happens to you, and you can't prevent. Love takes effort, it is an active thing. Having said that, like many things which take a bit of work, it's immensely rewarding. You won't know until you try, of course.

It's hard to talk like this without sounding trite. the trouble is that it's all trite and cliche for a reason. The reason being that the giant majority of people who are and want to be married and/or in a committed relationship of any sort, can't be wrong.
 
Minority Observer84
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by hermanntrudeView Post

You've mentioned all the negative sides of having children, and yes, i'm very aware of them. It scares me a lot to be the one who an entire family are dependant on for an income. The responsibility scares me too. Having said that, the positive side is giant quantities of love, getting to know and shape a new person, and make a life which is half you and half your wife... My baby already fascinates me and i've only ever seen one picture of it, and that was in black and white and a bit grainy. It moves around inside her, gets hiccups... i talk to it and feel it all the time. I can't wait to get to know it, even if it pukes and ****s on me and makes me poor.

Ah to me there are nothing but negatives . As you might already be able to tell I'am not very sentimental or nurturing . I think it;s more of an outlook thing than it is a age thing . I don't like kids they are rude , noisy , curious , self centered and most annoying of all unpredictable .I don't like other people's kids I'am pretty sure if I had any I wouldn't like them either it seems to me to be a lot of work and effort put into something to get nothing . I attribute the high incidence of child birth to social pressure , tradition and love a feeling I really cannot understand .
 
hermanntrude
#27
you're sounding EXACTLY the way I sounded at 22. Honest truth.
 
Minority Observer84
#28
Quote: Originally Posted by hermanntrudeView Post

you're sounding EXACTLY the way I sounded at 22. Honest truth.

I tried the whole nurturing thing out , a girl i was seeing gave me a puppy , which was entertaining for a few hours , then comes all the work of feeding it cleaning it walking it and generally making sure it doesn't get me fined or kicked out of my apartment complex . In a few weeks the girl was gone and so was the puppy , being the gentlemen that I am I gave it back to her .
 
SwitSof
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by Minority Observer84View Post

I don't think it's something about me that's going to change . I find the whole idea of monogomy boring.

Well, I suppose there are women who are also rather adventurous. If you don't mind not getting the exclusivity meaning that say she can compare you to the other and that's probably done unconsciously and those potential problems that may occur with say a man with 2 or more wives, then you two are meant for each other since you want the same thing.
I'm from a Chinese-descent family and my great grandfather actually had two wives and everybody got along very well. The first wife got tired of the sex and she got tired of doing the house chores too, so she deliberately asked her husband to find a 2nd wife who did like cooking and these chores and was a very nice lady apparently, as the two wives actually ended up to be as close as sisters.

Quote:

Plus a person gives up a lot of the freedoms they gained from adult hood to marriage . I have a friend every single time we go out his wife calls him at least 4-5 times my god ! he even check in with her whenever he's going to be late from work (seriously one time I was driving him home from work and I get a flat and he calls to tell her he's gona be late because of my flat ) Granted he does it to her whenever she's out and about but still it's infantile.

I agreed with Hermann, it's more of out of consideration. I even tell my flatmate if I weren't going to be home that night either cause I was clubbing the whole night or staying in a friend's place without planning it just so that the flatmate wouldn't be worried and call the police!

Quote:

By the way having kids is extremely overrated . Why anyone would anyone want the responsibility , financial pressure and the general extra work attached to having offspring is beyond me .

Well, if you don't want to have children, there are also women who don't like the idea to bear a child either. My mum said having me to be born naturally was rather painful for her, so since then she demanded the drugs! There are women who want to stay pretty let's say and wouldn't want the delivery to damage their figure or that they would have to dress rather casual to take care of the child(ren).
I personally think blood alone doesn't make a family. I wouldn't mind the idea of adopting a child who is already born to this world. I reckon the parent(s)' care, love and education would make the child to at least adopt some values the parent(s) has/have, instead of the blood. I had an extended family when I was young and still in school in Japan amongst my friends. We stayed together to overcome broken hearts, grief of losing a dad, depressions even one was trying to kill himself.

Well maybe you can call it the desire to leave a legacy or just more of a biological instinct to continue the human race or simply just to have a family besides the partner, but if you see there is no point in having any children, then it's your choice to have.
Actually one of these women I mentioned has no desire to have any children either cause she saw what the pressure is going to be put on the generation of these now children because this generation then would have to bear the pension for the elderly that would be so high by the time this generation can earn.
Last edited by SwitSof; Aug 14th, 2007 at 11:47 AM..Reason: typo
 
hermanntrude
#30
dogs and children cannot be compared. There are many people who absolutely adore having children but wouldn't ever have a dog.
 

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