What would your reaction be?


karrie
#1
Carly headed into work, ecstatic to tell her friends her good news. As she walked down the hall toward the office she shared with her Tom and Samantha, she thought of the excitement they'd share with her when they found out about the baby.

The last thing she expected was Tom's shocked silence, and the days of avoidance that followed. She pondered the reasons behind this abnormal behavior, but, was unable to fathom his reaction.

Finally, after days of unusual quiet in the office, skipped lunches, and missed coffee dates, Carly was able to pin Tom down and demand an explanation for his sudden shift from a warm and caring friend, to a cold and indifferent coworker. The answer she got was one she never would have expected.

"I can't stay friends with you. I'm a pedophile. I'm in counselling... I've never so much as touched a child because I know it's wrong, but, I'm a pedophile"

What would your reaction be, to finding out a friend of yours has pedophilic thoughts?

What should society's reaction be to people who come forward for help in order to avoid hurting a child?

Which is the responsible path to take with such an individual?
 
Dreadful Nonsense
#2
Your a psyche student i believe....So from your point compassion and continued therapy for the guy.....

from mine
They shoot horses don't they
 
karrie
#3
Quote: Originally Posted by DocDredView Post

Your a psyche student i believe....So from your point compassion and continued therapy for the guy.....

from mine
They shoot horses don't they

Shoot first, seek therapy later would have been my answer actually.

But.

If we shoot all men who admit to pedophilic urges, then men will just not admit to them, never seek counselling. They'll never be able to admit to the people around them that they can't be around kids, and then everyone involved risks that man coming into contact with a child at a vulnerable moment.

It's a most uncomfortable predicament. It still has me fingering the trigger of my gun, but, it gives me a moment of pause.

There are some truly great minds here capable of some incredible discussions. I was curious to see where the ideas would lead.
 
missile
#4
my reaction would be to insure that he was never around my grandchildren.
 
Colpy
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by missileView Post

my reaction would be to insure that he was never around my grandchildren.

.....alone.

The thing about this guy is he recognizes his problem, has never acted on it in a negative way, is working to overcome it, and even admits it to a woman who will soon have a vulnerable child. How much more could you want? The guy needs encouragement and praise.....not a gun to his head.

Every single human being has a twist or two in their sexual psyche..............some just can't get a grip on theirs. The dangerous ones ACT on them, not work to overcome them.
 
Curiosity
#6
I have yet to see a pedophile 'cured'....there is no cure.

Argue away - but incarceration, injection, medication, counseling, surgery - have not done the work of what is in the brain, not the sexual workings.

I believe it is implanted at the very earliest stages of imprinting and grows in need.

It is control over the lesser, possession of the weak, a deviance in the behavior regarding sexual expression which has little to do with sexuality and more to do with violence....

I repeat there is no cure... yet.

Regarding the opening question posited - a pedophile confession - that is unusual. The woman should take her gift from the confessor and remove herself as far away as she can from him.
 
Toro
#7
All sexuality is genetic. The catalyst to propagate the species is the most base instinct of any living organism. It is hard-wired into every living thing. It is not a choice. You cannot choose what sexually arouses you.

However, you can choose how you act. Simply because you are aroused by what is outside the norm does not mean you must fulfill what drives you.

However, because he is turned on by pedophilia does not mean he is going to have sex with children any more than a heterosexual man is going to rape a women simply because he's heterosexual.

I give the guy a lot of credit. He knows what he is and he recognizes he should not be around his friend. He cannot choose what arouses him but he can choose how he acts.
 
Impetus
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

I've never so much as touched a child because I know it's wrong, but, I'm a pedophile"

What would your reaction be, to finding out a friend of yours has pedophilic thoughts?
What should society's reaction be to people who come forward for help in order to avoid hurting a child?
Which is the responsible path to take with such an individual?

My reaction would of course be shock at first (at the honest admission of latent pedophilia as much as the latent pedophilia itself), but hopefully I'd get past that and see the situation as it is, not as I imagine it could be in the worst case.

Society has to take into account no crime has been committed and if the person has reached out for help and taken action, he deserves the help. There is no such thing as "thought crime".

The responsible act to take is "business as usual" at work, with this bit of info governing if/how I would associate with Tom outside of work.

Remember, he hasn't committed a crime up to now and is proactively dealing with his sickness.

For him to admit it to you was a great act of courage and has to say something about his sincerity in fighting it.

At this point, if his story gets out at work and it affects his work environment it amounts to discrimination due to sickness or disability. (I'm on the Employment Equity committee at work)

I'm in agreement that pedophilia is "incurable" and those that cross the line and act on their urges should be removed from society on a more or less permanent basis.
I also believe if/when they are released back into society, we deserve a warning. They should be released under very close scrutiny, with very tight parole conditions as to where they live, who they associate with, and with a restriction on contact with children.

They released one near where I live and for a while there were posters put up, weekly rallies by some of the mothers in his neighbourhood, and all kinds of speculation on what he'd do next. Years have passed and it's died down. Parents warn the children, watch them closely, and if anything they're the most wary children around since they know there's a monster out there. He has a face...

Muz
 
Curiosity
#9
I love the responses here from people - I hope Karrie does too.... You people are kind and good.

I forgot to post one more sentence in my own response: Predators/Pedophiles (or all their other names according to gender/age group of preference) .... can be either male or female.
 
MikeyDB
#10
How large is the "problem" of pedophilia? If we understand that sexual arousal occurs for some people when viewing children or being near children, and accept that this arousal, the feeling without the all-too-often behaviors of fear and coercion, that misuse of the "authority" of the adult...the priest....the minister....the teacher....etc. etc. that this phenomenon exists, isn't there enough evidence to suggest that as well spent as our money may be on AIDS Cancer and ALS or any other worthwhile pursuit, that we need to spend more money and put more effort into understanding and treating this behavior than we do?

It might be neat and tidy to say "Punish those perverts" but the truth is that if a condition exists that supplants the social and moral conditioning of great numbers of people that the lines between right and wrong are blurred by a "condition", don't we have a responsibility to address this sickness as well?
 
MikeyDB
#11
The time to act is now, not after the Xth victim.....

Chinese proverb: The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago.
The next best time is right now.
 
karrie
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by ImpetusView Post

Parents warn the children, watch them closely, and if anything they're the most wary children around since they know there's a monster out there. He has a face...

Muz

This is one of the things that struck me Muz. How nice it would be, as a mom, if people were open and up front about it. Sure, it's shameful to have to admit it. But if I were in this situation, it makes it possible to simply ensure that your children are never alone with this man. That's much easier than trying to pick the pedophile out of the crowd, so to speak.
 
Kreskin
#13
What if she said she was a pedophile?
 
karrie
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by ColpyView Post

The guy needs encouragement and praise.....not a gun to his head.

Every single human being has a twist or two in their sexual psyche..............some just can't get a grip on theirs. The dangerous ones ACT on them, not work to overcome them.

Absolutely.

But at the same time, for anyone who's ever been molested or dealt with their child having been molested, it's awfully hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt. While a gun may not be what they recieve, serious social punishment is more than likely to occur. How do we balance the desire to keep only 'safe' people around our families, and yet to encourage people to be honest if they have urges like this?
 
lone wolf
#15
Is one truly a pedophile if thoughts remain merely thoughts? A meteor doesn't become a meteorite until it has struck earth. Many have been the times I've wished I was twelve again. Self control is the reason we don't act out. What would my reaction be? After the initial shock, and probably some eww-factor distance, I would want to know....

Wolf
 
karrie
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

I have yet to see a pedophile 'cured'....there is no cure.

Argue away - but incarceration, injection, medication, counseling, surgery - have not done the work of what is in the brain, not the sexual workings.

I believe it is implanted at the very earliest stages of imprinting and grows in need.

The whole situation made me wonder how many men live their lives with these urges, yet never molest. 'Curing' someone of a fetish or proclivity is next to impossible, yes, but can giving them social tools to avoid acting on it be seen as just as big a success?
 
karrie
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

Is one truly a pedophile if thoughts remain merely thoughts? A meteor doesn't become a meteorite until it has struck earth. Many have been the times I've wished I was twelve again. Self control is the reason we don't act out. What would my reaction be? After the initial shock, and probably some eww-factor distance, I would want to know....

Wolf

a pedophile is someone with sexual urges toward children. A child molestor is someone who has acted on it.
 
karrie
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by KreskinView Post

What if she said she was a pedophile?

Do you mean the expectant mother?
 
lone wolf
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

a pedophile is someone with sexual urges toward children. A child molestor is someone who has acted on it.

K ... you're talking a LOT heavier than "If only they built 'em like that when I was in school...."

Wolf
 
karrie
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

K ... you're talking a LOT heavier than "If only they built 'em like that when I was in school...."

Wolf

Pedophilia is a term that applies to prepubescent children. As icky as it is, admiring the build of a girl who is well built after puberty, isn't the same thing no.
 
Impetus
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

I love the responses here from people - I hope Karrie does too.... You people are kind and good.

I forgot to post one more sentence in my own response: Predators/Pedophiles (or all their other names according to gender/age group of preference) .... can be either male or female.

I know that for a fact. I had one living next door to me until last August.
The police weren't interested when I complained that she was providing alcohol to minors (including my daughter). There was an incident with one of my daughter's girlfriends and she (the psycho) mysteriously ended up pregnant sometime after a young boy was found passed out in the park after a night at her place.

Point is, had it been a man doing it the police have been all over him like flies on ****.

My response would have been the same either way. I went to her door and told her "if you say one word of hello to my daughter I won't go the the police next time. You'll deal with me."

That seemed to work...good riddance!

Muz
 
Dreadful Nonsense
#22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kreskin
What if she said she was a pedophile?



Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

Do you mean the expectant mother?

yeah! lets go there.



so far in this thread i'm with curio that it can't be cured.
I don't want to see this guy around...if it was me he confided in, i prolly would just beat him up....and worry later....


We can't cure these people...sooo we need to put them in prison in the open...make like this huge governmetn capmpaign so everyone will know....because of our namy pamby society when it comes to this chit and the present state of imprisoning these fukcers away from the general populace and lumping them all together with other sex offenders...we should.
1) warn the public of a change in the rules.
2) pedophiles be warned , keep those urges in check for you will be tossed in with the hardcore crimials for the duration of your sentence.
3)go fukc yerself
4)all sex offenders for that matter


we go way too light on these people....if they knew the consequences was going to be more than whiling yer time away with psyche talks, we would have less on the street.....
those that would survive the new in your face prison system would have an incentive to not do this anymore......

the present state of affairs is an A S S
 
karrie
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by ImpetusView Post

I know that for a fact. I had one living next door to me until last August.
The police weren't interested when I complained that she was providing alcohol to minors (including my daughter). There was an incident with one of my daughter's girlfriends and she (the psycho) mysteriously ended up pregnant sometime after a young boy was found passed out in the park after a night at her place.

Point is, had it been a man doing it the police have been all over him like flies on ****.

My response would have been the same either way. I went to her door and told her "if you say one word of hello to my daughter I won't go the the police next time. You'll deal with me."

That seemed to work...good riddance!

Muz

Yeah, people typically ignore female predation because we don't want to shatter our tidy little view of the world, where women are virtuous, and men are dangerous.
 
karrie
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by DocDredView Post

so far in this thread i'm with curio that it can't be cured.
I don't want to see this guy around...if it was me he confided in, i prolly would just beat him up....and worry later....


we go way too light on these people....if they knew the consequences was going to be more than whiling yer time away with psyche talks, we would have less on the street.....
those that would survive the new in your face prison system would have an incentive to not do this anymore......

Okay, but, as others have pointed out, this man hasn't actually committed a crime.

So, if we declare absolute war on any man who has a pedophilic thought, then rather than seeking counselling, and being honest enough to say "no, I can't be around children alone", instead, we've created a scenario where these men have to hide their issue, and risk being put in a situation where they can hurt a child.

So, in order to deal with them we have to first have a child molested.

Is that really a better way to deal with it?
 
triedit
#25
I would simply not associate with him when my child was present. In a work environment that's easy enough.

I don't think you should be able to persecute or prosecute based on thoughts. If that were the case a whole lot of us would be in jail for one thing or another.
 
Dreadful Nonsense
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by trieditView Post

I would simply not associate with him when my child was present. In a work environment that's easy enough.

I don't think you should be able to persecute or prosecute based on thoughts. If that were the case a whole lot of us would be in jail for one thing or another.

yeah well me and you doing time for extra marital affairs is a far cry from this......(need the lol right now tri)
 
Dreadful Nonsense
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

Okay, but, as others have pointed out, this man hasn't actually committed a crime.

So, if we declare absolute war on any man who has a pedophilic thought, then rather than seeking counselling, and being honest enough to say "no, I can't be around children alone", instead, we've created a scenario where these men have to hide their issue, and risk being put in a situation where they can hurt a child.

So, in order to deal with them we have to first have a child molested.

Is that really a better way to deal with it?

yeah well he would have told thwe wrong person....maybe a beating on the him would help him to carve into his brain it's totally wrong...

Whats wrong with my approach to these pricks....the whole government changing the prison where you go rules.....your a psyche student karrie...with all due respect none of you people have dome us any good on this matter.....in fact prolly done more harm than good .....no ....fukc it ....THE ONLY THING THESE PRICKS ARE GOING TO REACT TO IS PUNISHMENT OF THE PHYSICAL KIND.....let them live in fear like their victims do.....
it's gotta be done karrie.....no psyche in the world has stopped the flow.....
Last edited by Dreadful Nonsense; Jul 22nd, 2007 at 12:40 PM..
 
regis
#28
I have prostate cancer et i take drugs (castration chimique) because prostate cancer is an hormono-dependent cancer and the cancer will take advantage of the circulation of hormones if i don't.
I'm not pedophile but i believe these drugs can stop sexuality you can have accepted by society or not.
There is here a psy that publically (on radio ) recommend these drugs for pedophiles.

This man act the better he can and he is not at the end of his problem, he surely deserve our help. How many of us will give up their sexuality, if this sexuality can harm others without trying to compromise ? Not so easy.
 
karrie
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by DocDredView Post

yeah well he would have told thwe wrong person....maybe a beating on the him would help him to carve into his brain it's totally wrong...

Whats wrong with my approach to these pricks....the whole government changing the prison where you go rules.....your a psyche student karrie...with all due respect none of you people have dome us any good on this matter.....in fact prolly done more harm than good .....no ....fukc it ....THE ONLY THING THESE PRICKS ARE GOING TO REACT TO IS PUNISHMENT OF THE PHYSICAL KIND.....let them live in fear like their victims do.....
it's gotta be done karrie.....no psyche in the world has stopped the flow.

But this man knows it's wrong, otherwise he wouldn't be talking about it, seeking counseling, and making sure he's not around kids... right? Do you think you could make him think it was any more wrong? He obviously thinks it is, and is trying to find ways to deal with it.

And don't lump me in with people who think convicted criminals should be gone lightly on. I don't agree with the laws as they currently deal with child molestors. Trying to pin my opinion down based on my field of study is more than a bit flawed. I have nothing but contempt for child molestors. You'll never catch me trying to counsel or reform any adult who's molested a child.
 
Curiosity
#30
They have injections now - but that cease to work after a time.... and the perp has to want to get the injections.

In a more understanding world, we could recognize the disabling illness for what it is - mental illness has its quirks too but we try to understand and provide and prevent those victims from harming themselves or others.

..in an more understanding world, if a person feels they are becoming are have arrived at that stage, they should be able to check in for counseling and living arrangements just as a rehabilitation clinic until the degree of their abnormal thoughts and acts if they have already been tried..... to determine how to remedy the situation to prevent any attacks upon children.

Perhaps a large living community, known for its work, accepted by the community, (actually a community should be grateful someone is keeping a watch over these people).... we may get somewhere both in science and experimentation, and assistance to those.

Nobody is born deciding to becomg a sexual predator....it develops into an abnormal situation just as mental illness does.... we see young males of seventeen becoming schizophrenics very often.... they are usually bright, withdrawn, socially inactive with their peer groups of both genders....and most people familiar with the presenting illness can see it flourishing....

... why not this attitude towards predators. Not acceptance but offers immediately of assistance to perhaps change the situation.... relieve the urges..... give a respite from the stress obviously generated which adds to the need to obtain relief.....

This is just a vague and general outline... but a good community of people could accomplish this.... as we have done so many other things as a group for the victims of all kinds of physical illness and disabilities and many mental ones too.

I think often of the people who cannot hear and how they have been accepted, diagnosed, helped, have their own communities and standards and yet are able to function among us with as little derision as possible - when once they were condemned to the madhouses for their gibberish....

More stories about the mentally disabled - retarded, Down Syndrome people - all kinds of help there towards living as normal a life as they should be allowed to have.

Once recognized as an illness - even some day a curable one or at least a 'managed one'.... we may wipe out this from a condition of hating these bastards.....to giving them lives rather than leaving them to ruin so many little lives in their terrible existence.
 

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