What would your reaction be?

[karrie]

Carly headed into work, ecstatic to tell her friends her good news. As she walked down the hall toward the office she shared with her Tom and Samantha, she thought of the excitement they'd share with her when they found out about the baby.

The last thing she expected was Tom's shocked silence, and the days of avoidance that followed. She pondered the reasons behind this abnormal behavior, but, was unable to fathom his reaction.

Finally, after days of unusual quiet in the office, skipped lunches, and missed coffee dates, Carly was able to pin Tom down and demand an explanation for his sudden shift from a warm and caring friend, to a cold and indifferent coworker. The answer she got was one she never would have expected.

"I can't stay friends with you. I'm a pedophile. I'm in counselling... I've never so much as touched a child because I know it's wrong, but, I'm a pedophile"

What would your reaction be, to finding out a friend of yours has pedophilic thoughts?

What should society's reaction be to people who come forward for help in order to avoid hurting a child?

Which is the responsible path to take with such an individual?

 

[Dreadful Nonsense]

Your a psyche student i believe....So from your point compassion and continued therapy for the guy.....

from mine
They shoot horses don't they

 

[karrie]

Your a psyche student i believe....So from your point compassion and continued therapy for the guy.....

from mine
They shoot horses don't they

Shoot first, seek therapy later would have been my answer actually.

But.

If we shoot all men who admit to pedophilic urges, then men will just not admit to them, never seek counselling. They'll never be able to admit to the people around them that they can't be around kids, and then everyone involved risks that man coming into contact with a child at a vulnerable moment.

It's a most uncomfortable predicament. It still has me fingering the trigger of my gun, but, it gives me a moment of pause.

There are some truly great minds here capable of some incredible discussions. I was curious to see where the ideas would lead.

 

[missile]

my reaction would be to insure that he was never around my grandchildren.

 

[Colpy]

my reaction would be to insure that he was never around my grandchildren.

.....alone.

The thing about this guy is he recognizes his problem, has never acted on it in a negative way, is working to overcome it, and even admits it to a woman who will soon have a vulnerable child. How much more could you want? The guy needs encouragement and praise.....not a gun to his head.

Every single human being has a twist or two in their sexual psyche..............some just can't get a grip on theirs. The dangerous ones ACT on them, not work to overcome them.

 

[Curiosity]

I have yet to see a pedophile 'cured'....there is no cure.

Argue away - but incarceration, injection, medication, counseling, surgery - have not done the work of what is in the brain, not the sexual workings.

I believe it is implanted at the very earliest stages of imprinting and grows in need.

It is control over the lesser, possession of the weak, a deviance in the behavior regarding sexual expression which has little to do with sexuality and more to do with violence....

I repeat there is no cure... yet.

Regarding the opening question posited - a pedophile confession - that is unusual. The woman should take her gift from the confessor and remove herself as far away as she can from him.

 

[Toro]

All sexuality is genetic. The catalyst to propagate the species is the most base instinct of any living organism. It is hard-wired into every living thing. It is not a choice. You cannot choose what sexually arouses you.

However, you can choose how you act. Simply because you are aroused by what is outside the norm does not mean you must fulfill what drives you.

However, because he is turned on by pedophilia does not mean he is going to have sex with children any more than a heterosexual man is going to rape a women simply because he's heterosexual.

I give the guy a lot of credit. He knows what he is and he recognizes he should not be around his friend. He cannot choose what arouses him but he can choose how he acts.

 

[Impetus]

I've never so much as touched a child because I know it's wrong, but, I'm a pedophile"

What would your reaction be, to finding out a friend of yours has pedophilic thoughts?
What should society's reaction be to people who come forward for help in order to avoid hurting a child?
Which is the responsible path to take with such an individual?

My reaction would of course be shock at first (at the honest admission of latent pedophilia as much as the latent pedophilia itself), but hopefully I'd get past that and see the situation as it is, not as I imagine it could be in the worst case.

Society has to take into account no crime has been committed and if the person has reached out for help and taken action, he deserves the help. There is no such thing as "thought crime".

The responsible act to take is "business as usual" at work, with this bit of info governing if/how I would associate with Tom outside of work.

Remember, he hasn't committed a crime up to now and is proactively dealing with his sickness.

For him to admit it to you was a great act of courage and has to say something about his sincerity in fighting it.

At this point, if his story gets out at work and it affects his work environment it amounts to discrimination due to sickness or disability. (I'm on the Employment Equity committee at work)

I'm in agreement that pedophilia is "incurable" and those that cross the line and act on their urges should be removed from society on a more or less permanent basis.
I also believe if/when they are released back into society, we deserve a warning. They should be released under very close scrutiny, with very tight parole conditions as to where they live, who they associate with, and with a restriction on contact with children.

They released one near where I live and for a while there were posters put up, weekly rallies by some of the mothers in his neighbourhood, and all kinds of speculation on what he'd do next. Years have passed and it's died down. Parents warn the children, watch them closely, and if anything they're the most wary children around since they know there's a monster out there. He has a face...

Muz

 

[Curiosity]

I love the responses here from people - I hope Karrie does too.... You people are kind and good.

I forgot to post one more sentence in my own response: Predators/Pedophiles (or all their other names according to gender/age group of preference) .... can be either male or female.

 

[MikeyDB]

How large is the "problem" of pedophilia? If we understand that sexual arousal occurs for some people when viewing children or being near children, and accept that this arousal, the feeling without the all-too-often behaviors of fear and coercion, that misuse of the "authority" of the adult...the priest....the minister....the teacher....etc. etc. that this phenomenon exists, isn't there enough evidence to suggest that as well spent as our money may be on AIDS Cancer and ALS or any other worthwhile pursuit, that we need to spend more money and put more effort into understanding and treating this behavior than we do?

It might be neat and tidy to say "Punish those perverts" but the truth is that if a condition exists that supplants the social and moral conditioning of great numbers of people that the lines between right and wrong are blurred by a "condition", don't we have a responsibility to address this sickness as well?

 

[MikeyDB]

The time to act is now, not after the Xth victim.....

Chinese proverb: The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago.
The next best time is right now.

 

[karrie]

Parents warn the children, watch them closely, and if anything they're the most wary children around since they know there's a monster out there. He has a face...

Muz

This is one of the things that struck me Muz. How nice it would be, as a mom, if people were open and up front about it. Sure, it's shameful to have to admit it. But if I were in this situation, it makes it possible to simply ensure that your children are never alone with this man. That's much easier than trying to pick the pedophile out of the crowd, so to speak.

 

[Kreskin]

What if she said she was a pedophile?

 

[karrie]

The guy needs encouragement and praise.....not a gun to his head.

Every single human being has a twist or two in their sexual psyche..............some just can't get a grip on theirs. The dangerous ones ACT on them, not work to overcome them.

Absolutely.

But at the same time, for anyone who's ever been molested or dealt with their child having been molested, it's awfully hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt. While a gun may not be what they recieve, serious social punishment is more than likely to occur. How do we balance the desire to keep only 'safe' people around our families, and yet to encourage people to be honest if they have urges like this?

 

[lone wolf]

Is one truly a pedophile if thoughts remain merely thoughts? A meteor doesn't become a meteorite until it has struck earth. Many have been the times I've wished I was twelve again. Self control is the reason we don't act out. What would my reaction be? After the initial shock, and probably some eww-factor distance, I would want to know....

Wolf

 

[karrie]

I have yet to see a pedophile 'cured'....there is no cure.

Argue away - but incarceration, injection, medication, counseling, surgery - have not done the work of what is in the brain, not the sexual workings.

I believe it is implanted at the very earliest stages of imprinting and grows in need.

The whole situation made me wonder how many men live their lives with these urges, yet never molest. 'Curing' someone of a fetish or proclivity is next to impossible, yes, but can giving them social tools to avoid acting on it be seen as just as big a success?

 

[karrie]

Is one truly a pedophile if thoughts remain merely thoughts? A meteor doesn't become a meteorite until it has struck earth. Many have been the times I've wished I was twelve again. Self control is the reason we don't act out. What would my reaction be? After the initial shock, and probably some eww-factor distance, I would want to know....

Wolf

a pedophile is someone with sexual urges toward children. A child molestor is someone who has acted on it.

 

[karrie]

What if she said she was a pedophile?

Do you mean the expectant mother?

 

[lone wolf]

a pedophile is someone with sexual urges toward children. A child molestor is someone who has acted on it.

K ... you're talking a LOT heavier than "If only they built 'em like that when I was in school...."

Wolf

 

[karrie]

K ... you're talking a LOT heavier than "If only they built 'em like that when I was in school...."

Wolf

Pedophilia is a term that applies to prepubescent children. As icky as it is, admiring the build of a girl who is well built after puberty, isn't the same thing no.