Hilarious lonely hearts messages


Blackleaf
#1
These are REAL ADS from a Scottish lonely hearts club column.
>>>
Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone,Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango
sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion.
Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08
>>>
>>>
Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything
considered.
Box06/03
>>>
Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in
pints, fags [[cigarrettes]], Celtic football club and starting scraps on
Sauchiehall Street
at three in the morning. Box 73/82.
>>>
Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime
Fiancée
>seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists
in this
cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41
>>>
>>>
>>>
Ginger-haired Paisley troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,
maybe more.
Box 84/87
>>>
>>>
>>>
Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the
beach,
writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice
dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce
along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey.
Strong stomach essential Box 12/32
>>>
>>>
Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will
include
cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions.
References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45
>>>
Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old b*stard living in a damp cottage in
the **** end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with
big chest. Box 40/27
>>>
Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for
wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and
slaughtering dogs in
cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box
>>>52/7
>>>
Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler
competition
at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks
nostalgic man
who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking
and
listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/4
>>>
>>>
>>>Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi
>>>for the
>>>night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
>>>
>>>
messageboards.aol.co.uk (external - login to view)
 
El Barto
#2
People are really getting direct and honest. Unfortunate that the honesty comes out after previous relationships.
Hmmm wonder what I should post that would describe me?
The alibi feb 27 is a good one lol
 
Curiosity
#3
ElBarto

Those were wonderful hahaha....

We should have a contest to see who can write the most provocative 'come on' lonely heart invitation...

Hmmmmm that'll take me days to figure out....
 
El Barto
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

ElBarto

Those were wonderful hahaha....

We should have a contest to see who can write the most provocative 'come on' lonely heart invitation...

Hmmmmm that'll take me days to figure out....

Lonely hearts or broken hearts?
 
Curiosity
#5
ElBarto

Any kinda hearts.... broken, lonely, hungry, cranky hahah......
 
El Barto
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

ElBarto

Any kinda hearts.... broken, lonely, hungry, cranky hahah......

I'll wait till you start the thread, it was your idea.
see how many lonley souls out there
 

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