When Mom and Dad Grow Old


sanctus
#1
Just how and when do you step in to help your aging—and so independent—parents?
BY DOUGLAS TODD
My mother and stepfather were married for 30 years. They lived on a steep hillside on the North Shore of Vancouver, surrounded by evergreens and views of the Coast Mountains. When they retired, they settled into North Shore culture, appreciating long-time neighbours and socializing with their vibrant FM (Formerly Married) Club. But by his late 70s, my stepfather, Eric, was becoming worn out by physical illnesses. And my mother, Mary, suffered significant memory loss.
Like many aging couples, they cared for one another dutifully, compensating for the other’s ailments of body and mind. In the midst of this relative calm, my brother, stepsister and I gingerly tried to discuss their next move. Perhaps, we asked, they could bring in caregivers, downsize to an apartment or move to a retirement community?
My mother and I visited two stylish private seniors homes, which she barely recollected a day later. My stepfather never even went on the tours, because he was too racked with pain. Each time we tried to consider options available, it felt as if we were starting from scratch. How could we have a real family discussion about our parents’ deteriorating health and quality of life? We’re not proud of it, but we basically gave up trying; all we felt we could do was wait for a crisis to force the issue.
It turns out we aren’t alone. The prospect of talking to increasingly fragile parents about their future can be “one of the most difficult challenges adult children will ever face,” says Clarissa Green, a Vancouver therapist. “People often tell me they don’t want to raise sensitive issues with their parents about bringing in caregivers or moving,” she says. “They’ll say, ‘I don’t want to see Dad cry.’”
But Green usually responds, “What’s wrong with that?” Adult children, she says, need to try to join their parents in grieving their decline, acknowledge their living arrangements may no longer work and, if necessary, help them say goodbye to their beloved home. “It’s sad. And it’s supposed to be. It’s about death itself. I urge baby boomers not to run away—to listen to their parents’ stories and regrets and the slow-motion process of letting go of pieces of themselves,” Green says.
“One useful question to ask your parents is, ‘How would you know when it’s time?’” she says. In her family-counselling sessions, Green has heard all kinds of answers. Some seniors respond that they’ll know it’s time to allow caregivers in or move out of their home “when I can’t zip up my own fly” or when “I can’t remember who my wife is.” Going at it another way, Green says it can be useful for adult children to ask, “How would you know when it’s time to talk about this as a family?” One widow answered she’d know the moment had arrived “when she realized she didn’t want to be left alone, looking out her window at night at all that darkness.”
There are almost four million men and women over age 65 in Canada. Nearly two thirds of them manage to patch together enough support—from family, friends, private and government services—to live independently until virtually the day they die, according to Statistics Canada.
Of the Canadian seniors who live to 85 and over, almost one in three end up being moved—sometimes kicking—to group living for the last years of their lives. Even in the best-case scenarios, such dislocations can bring sorrow. “Often the family feels guilty, and the senior feels abandoned,” says Charmaine Spencer, an adjunct professor in the gerontology department of Simon Fraser University. Harried with their own careers and children, adult children may push their parents too fast to make a major transition.
Val MacDonald, executive director of the B.C. Seniors Services Society, cautions adult children against imposing their views on aging parents. “Many baby boomers can be quite patronizing,” she says. Like many who work with seniors, MacDonald suggests adult children devote many conversations over a long period of time to collaborating on their parents’ future, raising feelings, questions and options—gently, but frankly. Many middle-aged adults, according to the specialists, just muddle through with their aging parents.
For a variety of reasons, including my mother and stepfather’s determination not to be a burden, the attempts by my brother, stepsister and I to initiate a solid dialogue were only partially successful. Despite his stoicism, my stepfather agreed we could buy him a walker and allow a physiotherapist into their home to lead him through some therapeutic exercises. But when I got their approval to bring in a caregiver to cook, they proudly rejected her first stab at a lunch, quietly asking me to tell her not to return.
When the parents of Nancy Woods of Mulmur Hills, Ont., were in their mid-80s, they made the decision to downsize from their large family home to an apartment in Toronto. As Woods’s parents, George and Bernice, became more frail, she believed they knew she had their best interests at heart. They agreed to her suggestion to have Meals on Wheels start delivering lunches and dinners.
However, years later, after a crisis, Woods discovered her parents had taken to throwing out the prepared meals. Her dad had appreciated them, but Bernice had come to believe they were poisoned. “My father was so loyal,” says Woods, “he had hid that my mother was succumbing to Alzheimer’s and paranoia.”
To her horror, Woods discovered her dad and mom were “living on crackers and oatmeal porridge” and were weakening from the impoverished diet. Her dad was also falling apart with the stress of providing for Bernice—a common problem when one spouse tries to do everything for an ailing partner. “The spouse who’s being cared for might be doing well at home,” says Spencer, “but often the other spouse is burned out and ends up being hospitalized.”
Fortunately, outside help is often available to people slogging through the often-harrowing process of helping their parents explore an important shift. Sons and daughters can bring in brochures or books on seniors’ issues, as well as introduce government health-care workers or staff at various agencies, to help raise issues and open up discussions, says Val MacDonald, whose nonprofit organization responds to thousands of calls a year from British Columbians desperate for information about how to weave through the dizzying array of seniors services and housing options.
The long list of things to do, says MacDonald, includes assessing their ability to live independently; determining your comfort level with such things as bathing a parent; discussing with all household members whether it would be healthy for an elderly relative to move in; monitoring whether, out of pure duty, you’re overcommitting yourself to providing a level of care that could threaten your own well-being.
There is no pat answer to lifestyle changes, and despite the best efforts to have heartfelt discussions, the reality is that dramatic events often force seniors and their loved ones to make snap decisions. “There’s almost always a trigger,” says MacDonald.
The loss of a spouse can suddenly cause a senior to feel lonely, depressed and unable to care for himself, says MacDonald. So can a drastic drop in income. The most common trigger, however, is flagging health.
All things being equal, many specialists say it’s best for seniors to live in their own homes as long as possible. But the time often comes when ill health or extreme loneliness close down that possibility.
The shock phone call that catapulted Nancy Woods and her parents into action came from her distraught dad. “I got this frantic call from my father that he couldn’t cope anymore. My mother was setting fires in the apartment,” she says. “He didn’t want to see it for what it was. Up to then he’d been in denial.”
Without knowing she was following the advice of experts who recommend using outside sources to stimu- late frank discussion with parents, Woods grabbed a copy of The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life. She read sections of the book to her dad and asked him, “Who does that sound like?” Her father replied, “It’s Mother. It’s dementia.”
At that point, Woods said, her dad finally recognized their tragic predicament. She told her father she would help them move out of their apartment. “He nodded. He didn’t rant or rave. He took it on the chin.”
Woods regrets that she “had not noticed small details signalling Mom’s dementia.” But she’s satisfied her dad accepted his passage into a group residence, where he and his wife could stay together in a secure unit where staff were trained to deal with patients with Alzheimer’s disease. “From the moment they moved into the Toronto nursing home, their physical health improved. On the other hand, it was the beginning of the end in terms of their mental abilities. Perhaps they couldn’t get enough stimulation. Perhaps it was inevitable.”
After my stepfather died in 2002, the grim reality of my mother’s sharply declining memory set in starkly. With her expanding dementia, Mom was adamant about staying in her large North Shore house, even though she was befuddled about how to cook, organize her day or take care of herself. For the next three years we effectively imposed decisions on her, most of them involving bringing in caregivers, including family members. In 2005 Mom finally agreed, although she barely knew what was happening, to move to a nearby nursing home, where, despite great confusion, she is happier.
During the time my mother lived in her house, my brother and stepsister and I had to heed the advice offered by virtually every seniors’ specialist, including MacDonald: We must allow our parents, when other efforts have failed, “to live at risk.”
“Children can’t make all the decisions for their parents,” MacDonald says. “Middle-aged offspring can carry around an awful lot of guilt about that. But they can’t do everything for their parents or be there all the time.”
That said, I wished we’d long ago heeded the recommendations of those who say it’s never too early to start the emotionally tough process of talking to your aging parents about their future. Before crises hit. As Spencer says, the sense of dislocation that comes with making an important passage can be “a very hard adjustment for a senior at the best of times. But it’s worse if it’s not planned out.”
 
tamarin
#2
That's sad and a huge condemnation of the practices of western culture. In Canada, the Ministry of Health wants everyone to live to a 100 and hasn't the foggiest notion of what to do about it if they do. With terrible wasting diseases like Alzheimers a dignified exit should be offered. Instead the government sentences them to be vegetables. The future will see this time for what it is: cruel, dogmatic and insensitive.
 
Curiosity
#3
I started a thread a while back about self-suicide... not euthansia where someone has to assist... but the self choosing the time of departure, planned in a rational manner before the brain goes....

People view this as sacreligeous however in a world where we dispose of yet to be born children, why does it seem so far off that we can also choose (on our own) our time of death?

Science probably has the means to swallow a pill or take a drink or inhale of some chemical concoction which will give us eternal sleep without agony.... without having to beg our loved ones to do the deed... or worse a practitioner who could care less whether we died or not.....is it an act of selfishness or perhaps of love?

It is a deeply personal (and perhaps cowardly issue) but I am slowly becoming interested in end life choice...with dignity....when there are few or no options....when we have the capability of tying all
the loose ends together, ensuring our wishes are met and then having a private and personal day into night.

It of course is not for everyone, and many people die through accident, early illness, and simply die of old age but in contentment, finding their way through the last sleep.....but somehow I wonder why we cannot be in control of our exit...if the options of living are too challenging to keep.

I know the great religious and divine forces will fight this as bravely as they have fought ending a new beginning in life as yet unborn - but somehow I can't discount an adult of sound mind should be able to make a choice which is within the boundaries of civility and legal issues.

Dear Sanctus

This is an offensive message for you to read and I apologize for it, but medicine and science has often given we humans longer lives of quality than we could dream of in previous generations, but for some even science has run out of assistance....and a huge burden remains for the family...one which no senior should have to experience.
 
sanctus
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

That's sad and a huge condemnation of the practices of western culture. In Canada, the Ministry of Health wants everyone to live to a 100 and hasn't the foggiest notion of what to do about it if they do. With terrible wasting diseases like Alzheimers a dignified exit should be offered. Instead the government sentences them to be vegetables. The future will see this time for what it is: cruel, dogmatic and insensitive.


But who wants to make such a choice? I was fortunate in that my first actual solo ministry was to a local Seniors Centre. It was probably one of the most rewarding, and distressing, activities I have ever been involved in. Oddly enough, few of them wanted to die, mostly they just wanted people they loved to remember they existed.
 
sanctus
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by CuriosityView Post

This is an offensive message for you to read and I apologize for it, but medicine and science has often given we humans longer lives of quality than we could dream of in previous generations, but for some even science has run out of assistance....and a huge burden remains for the family...one which no senior should have to experience.


I understand what you are writing, and that your intentions are honourable. But you are correct that such words are very sad to me. Have we come to the point where babies and old people who are "burdens" can just be "medically removed"???
 
karrie
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

That's sad and a huge condemnation of the practices of western culture. In Canada, the Ministry of Health wants everyone to live to a 100 and hasn't the foggiest notion of what to do about it if they do. With terrible wasting diseases like Alzheimers a dignified exit should be offered. Instead the government sentences them to be vegetables. The future will see this time for what it is: cruel, dogmatic and insensitive.


Already I hear terror from aging realtives of mine, that they will come down with a wasting illness, and esentially be culled by a government not willing to pay of their care. Euthenasia is a tricky, tricky subject.
 
sanctus
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by karrieView Post

Already I hear terror from aging realtives of mine, that they will come down with a wasting illness, and esentially be culled by a government not willing to pay of their care. Euthenasia is a tricky, tricky subject.


One wonders why we have become so quick to want to do away with people, be it unwanted babies or the Seniors? Is it really the solution to just kill them at the drop of a hat? What is wrong with actually caring for them, loving them, and welcoming them into our homes?
 
karrie
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by sanctusView Post

One wonders why we have become so quick to want to do away with people, be it unwanted babies or the Seniors? Is it really the solution to just kill them at the drop of a hat? What is wrong with actually caring for them, loving them, and welcoming them into our homes?

culture of convenience I suppose. I know that when I mentioned to my in-laws that my home is theirs when the time comes, especially since my mother-in-law can't drive at all, they brushed the idea off, saying it would be difficult for us. I pointed out that it makes no sense to me that parents are expected to care for their children, but not the other way around. No sense at all. And their own daughter explained that she would galdly help them pick out a nursing home, but that's as much help as they could expect from her. I just don't get it.

I don't believe in dragging out life through artificial means when someone is in pain, but cutting it short doesn't seem like an answer either. Enriching it and making the most of what time is left seems like the better idea.
 
tamarin
#9
Karrie and Sanctus, there is the other side of the coin. And I've been unhappy enough to witness it several times over the last ten years in my community. Individuals, in this case all older men, accomplished and with loving families, and facing the unthinkable, go out one afternoon to the sheltered part of a yard and put a bullet through their heads. Why, why, why wasn't an alternative available?
 
karrie
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

Karrie and Sanctus, there is the other side of the coin. And I've been unhappy enough to witness it several times over the last ten years in my community. Individuals, in this case all older men, accomplished and with loving families, and facing the unthinkable, go out one afternoon to the sheltered part of a yard and put a bullet through their heads. Why, why, why wasn't an alternative available?

I suppose if there was a way to make ABSOLUTELY certain that unwilling people wouldn't be 'assisted' by tired relatives, or by doctors who feel they have become a waste of money, then there might be an alternative in place. Alzheimers is one of the worst, because you lose yourself, and I know people who have killed themselves because of it. But, no one interfered with their decision. There was no way it was a thinly veiled murder. I can't think of any method that would guarantee no one interfered with the decision, or that the system couldn't be abused.
 
tamarin
#11
It is a tough call but still the government should feel obligated to provide an exit option. I should think as the years roll on and the Alzheimers crisis really takes hold the government's hand will be forced.
In the meantime, the eternal question: if a longtime friend or brother or sister, facing a terrible death, asked you to help in their suicide, wouldn't you? I don't know how I could refuse. If asked in the deepest spirit of shared compassion and with clarity... how could I not?
 
karrie
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by tamarinView Post

In the meantime, the eternal question: if a longtime friend or brother or sister, facing a terrible death, asked you to help in their suicide, wouldn't you? I don't know how I could refuse. If asked in the deepest spirit of shared compassion and with clarity... how could I not?

I can't imagine anyone asking me to do that. I've seen people die some very horrible, painful deaths. No one I know has talked about suicide as an exit strategy. It has been left up to the doctors to manage their exit through pain killers. If someone was to ask me, it would take a lot of reflection on the cases of their individual situation, the possible impact on me, how it would effect my belief system, to come up with any kind of decision. Never would I presume to know the answer until the time came.
 
tracy
#13
I don't think anyone would advocate involuntary euthanasia. Even voluntary euthanasia remains 100% illegal, so I think that's a separate issue.

I do feel more compassion for families who struggle with this issue. It often just isn't possible for families to care for their loved ones.
 
vinod1975
#14
What are we talking man, the bottom of this is YOU should respect your parents by heart and with every possible sence you need to help them and Most important is that the child sees respect between the father and mother (whether married or divorced). Parents who respect one another, help one another, do not argue in front of the children, and treat one another with sensitivity are much more likely to have children who likewise show the proper respect. This is especially challenging for divorced couples who feel little respect for one another. Keep your anger or differences of opinion as private as possible, and know that the children want and need to respect both parents. Children learn how to treat us from the way we treat our own parents and in-laws. Too often we expect grandparents to be the babysitters and to help us make life easier. But what are we doing to make their lives more comfortable and pleasant? Do we put out some food and drinks when they come to visit, as we do when important guests come? Do we go outside to greet them when their car pulls up -- or do we yell from the couch, "Come on in, Ma"?
 
Kreskin
#15
This is interesting to me personally. I enjoy reading what all of you are saying. I am helping faciliate a seminar this week that talks about the financial implication of the stages of retirement, and this very issue is part of the agenda. I also have an 87 year old widowed mother who lives on her own but her health is deteriorating quite fast.

One thing I found interesting in the seminar material was this. A recent study of aging parents indicated that 47% had never had a discussion with their family about their last wishes.

We, as a culture, have collectively concluded that an RSP is a retirement plan, when in fact it is an asset to help fund a retirement plan. In reality, few people have established let alone communicated a retirement plan to their families.
 
vinod1975
#16
Hummm , I am impressed
 
karrie
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by KreskinView Post

We, as a culture, have collectively concluded that an RSP is a retirement plan, when in fact it is an asset to help fund a retirement plan. In reality, few people have established let alone communicated a retirement plan to their families.

I like that distinction... the difference between having a retirement fund and a retirement plan. Many people do seem to just wing it as they go. Personally, I'd like to have a plan, much like a living will. I want to have some clear cut criteria laid out for when I should move, and to what sort of facilities. For example, if ever I can no longer drive for myself, it's probably time to move to an apartment complex. If ever I need assistance day to day, then it's probably time to move into a care facility, or to have plans set out for in home care at one of my childrens' homes.

I think having seen a man I know being put into a home and onto an allowance, at the whim of a daughter who wanted to maintain the levels in his bank accounts as she saw fit, has made me a bit paranoid about being bullied as one ages. I want agreed upon guidelines laid out before we need them, so that everyone knows, and there dont need to be hushed discussions behind my back about what should be done, and when.
 
vinod1975
#18
even at the age of 32 I have allready started and if today if I stop doing any thing I would get ..... money every day which is enogh for me
 
temperance
#19
I spent 7 years as a palliative care nurse through community Nursing ,I have seen some families deal with this through a team approach ,meaning all siblings are involbved as well as Nursing ,Docs ,others have failed miserably ,not only their parents but themselves ,The burden is eveyrones ,Chinese ,Middle eastern ,you rarely see these people in nursing homes ,the family is the cell ,as it should be ,please if I could offer anything be prepared ,talk this out ,get the facts before youre knee deep in desicions that could haut you forever ,dont let one child take on the whole responsiblity it creates regret ,search thur the pension and insurance poilicies for what Nursing care is allowed use it wisely , I cant count how many times I have been the only person there with the dying parent ,becuase the children were so overwhelmed with dealing with how ,where they could get help ,and some resented their parents with leaving this to them .It is never easy but can be managable if approached before .The combonation of comfort measures and commpassion are what counts ,Pallivacare Doctors, Teams have diffrent outcomes than your reg doc ,the outcome is comfort ,contorl of pain within the , persons desires ,not to heal anymore .
 
vinod1975
#20
Temperance , what actually you mean by that can we have one liner for this.
 
karrie
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by temperanceView Post

I spent 7 years as a palliative care nurse through community Nursing ,I have seen some families deal with this through a team approach ,meaning all siblings are involbved as well as Nursing ,Docs ,others have failed miserably ,not only their parents but themselves ,The burden is eveyrones ,Chinese ,Middle eastern ,you rarely see these people in nursing homes ,the family is the cell ,as it should be ,please if I could offer anything be prepared ,talk this out ,get the facts before youre knee deep in desicions that could haut you forever ,dont let one child take on the whole responsiblity it creates regret ,search thur the pension and insurance poilicies for what Nursing care is allowed use it wisely , I cant count how many times I have been the only person there with the dying parent ,becuase the children were so overwhelmed with dealing with how ,where they could get help ,and some resented their parents with leaving this to them .It is never easy but can be managable if approached before .The combonation of comfort measures and commpassion are what counts ,Pallivacare Doctors, Teams have diffrent outcomes than your reg doc ,the outcome is comfort ,contorl of pain within the , persons desires ,not to heal anymore .

I admire your strength to have done palliative care work. It is one of the hardest jobs on this earth. And one of the most valuable.
 
vinod1975
#22
What I belive one of the respectful , hardest and job on earth
 
L Gilbert
#23
In 2000, my mother sold her duplex in the Okanagan and moved out here (I had another bedroom built onto the house). Although she might have enjoyed the company of seniors in a home, she hates community living and is perfectly comfotable in a house. She's 86, partially blind and has a myriad of minor ailments. I am still able to take care of her, however, and I get her out and about whenever she's feelong up to it. She's developed a bevy of senior friends and plays cribbage, bridge, etc. with them. I usually wander into town on Tuesdays so she's located a seniors meeting place where she can join in several activities. I usually joke about me being a rotten teen and she's here to get revenge. Anyway, It isn't hard, she doesn't eat that much, my critters love her, my neighbors love her, etc. Then there's the selfish end of the issue, I'd rather look after her than have the feds or the province look after her. A private home is out of the question. Both of us together can't afford those prices. She's my mother. It disgusts me when I see older people stuck in homes where no family bothers to visit. Besides my mother, I can include in my circle of friends 3 people in their 90s, several in ther 70s and 80s, and lots all the way to 5 years old. I'll be damned if any find themselves not wanted.
Now I have to look up palliative and see what it means. As if my vocabulary isn't big enuff.
 
vinod1975
#24
I was living with my mother in small one room house untill she left me in Jan-2004 for resting in peace and after her death I was so pissed off from my life , that at one point of time almost commited suicide , but some one ( who is my wife know ) made me relized that life has to go on .....
 
temperance
#25
Palliative care addresses the physical and psychological aspects of end of life. It involves:
  • Pain and other symptom management;
  • Social, psychological, cultural, emotional and spiritual support;
  • Caregiver support; and,
  • bereavement support.
Whether palliative care is offered through a formal palliative care program or through a variety of other avenues, the focus of the care is on achieving comfort and respect for the person nearing death and maximizing quality of life for the patient, family and loved ones.

We fought long and hard to provide hospice and care to and with families in Ont .the gov .is slowly taking back its time amounts and promised care .
I would include this in any retirement plan ,one never knows ,and it hits the family (the unprepared family like a brick wall ) if the financail and where to turn for community help is know, it relives the child to spent time with the parent ,instead of fight with insurance gov or what to get service (help ) you the family is alway in charge and the wishes of Mom/ Dad are proierty with gov help , l ike I said we fought for it to be this way .
Icant begin to tell of research and extra work I would do (not have to ) I wanted to to ensure ,along we everone else we had a system a team appoach to the eneviable pain (loss )_
 
vinod1975
#26
All I know is when you loose your near and dear , that pain is unberable.
 
sanctus
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by KreskinView Post

One thing I found interesting in the seminar material was this. A recent study of aging parents indicated that 47% had never had a discussion with their family about their last wishes.

We, as a culture, have collectively concluded that an RSP is a retirement plan, when in fact it is an asset to help fund a retirement plan. In reality, few people have established let alone communicated a retirement plan to their families.


Good post! In my experience ministering to seniors I also found that same thing. I also discovered that often there were strong disagreements amongst family members as to who each felt SHOULD be responsible for "Mom" once they had placed her in a home.

Equally distressing to me personally was how many of our Seniors sat in these homes waiting for family members to visit who never seemed to show up.

I used to say Mass every Sunday at one home. This place had a lovely and well appointed Chapel for this purpose. We woucld fit easily 50 people. One story sticks in my mind, even though this was at least 8 or 10 years ago.

One lady used to come to Mass dressed to the nines, dressed up in a way I have not seen since I was a boy. She wore hat, white gloves if you please and a fetching dress or skirt and blouse every week. Quiet a switch from what one normally sees.

One Sunday after Mass I complimented her on dressing up for Church. She said "Oh Father, actually I'm dressed up because I have to be ready in case my son has time to take me out for lunch".

Well, you can imagine what I felt!
 
sanctus
#28
Quote: Originally Posted by L GilbertView Post

In 2000, my mother sold her duplex in the Okanagan and moved out here (I had another bedroom built onto the house). Although she might have enjoyed the company of seniors in a home, she hates community living and is perfectly comfotable in a house. She's 86, partially blind and has a myriad of minor ailments. I am still able to take care of her, however, and I get her out and about whenever she's feelong up to it. She's developed a bevy of senior friends and plays cribbage, bridge, etc. with them. I usually wander into town on Tuesdays so she's located a seniors meeting place where she can join in several activities. I usually joke about me being a rotten teen and she's here to get revenge. Anyway, It isn't hard, she doesn't eat that much, my critters love her, my neighbors love her, etc. Then there's the selfish end of the issue, I'd rather look after her than have the feds or the province look after her. A private home is out of the question. Both of us together can't afford those prices. She's my mother. It disgusts me when I see older people stuck in homes where no family bothers to visit. Besides my mother, I can include in my circle of friends 3 people in their 90s, several in ther 70s and 80s, and lots all the way to 5 years old. I'll be damned if any find themselves not wanted.
Now I have to look up palliative and see what it means. As if my vocabulary isn't...

Quote has been trimmed, See full post: View Post

And your beneifts are much greater then those who dispose of their parents! That is one of the issues I think that is hard for people in Senior's Centres, the fact that they are mostly surrounded by other elderly people, all basically killing time until their demises. This robs them of the variety of life, for if you think about it, on any given day we interact with people from all age groups.

One thing I used to do in one Senior's Centre is hold Children's Masses every so often in a Senior's Centre, inviting kids and their parents from the parish to attend these events. The Youth Group would help prepare parts of the Mass, picking songs, readings, etc.

It was wonderful, for it both gave the Senior's exposure to the young and the young exposure to them.
 
vinod1975
#29
Respect your parrents and do not argue with them , that should be our moto , coz once we loose them then only we starts relizing the movement and at that point of time we can only and only cry and cant do anything else.
 
sanctus
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by vinod1975View Post

Respect your parrents and do not argue with them , that should be our moto , coz once we loose them then only we starts relizing the movement and at that point of time we can only and only cry and cant do anything else.


In general yes, but not always possible. Honouring our parents means we should respect the life they gave to us, but for many people their parents are either neglectful or abusive. In such cases, we must seek to free ourselves of such events in our lives.
 

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