What is it with women and talking?


Dexter Sinister
#1
So I'm sitting at the kitchen table after supper, reading a really well done fictional reworking of the British Arthurian legend and enjoying a truly splendid cup of coffee from our new espresso maker, and Mrs. Sinister comes in and sits down across the table from me. Today she received a new wireless device from her employer, that provides the functions of a cell phone, text messaging, address book and contact management, email, daily/weekly/monthly/annual planner, and a micro mini weenie pissant computer (yes, a Blackberry) so she was there with the device and the manual for it, trying to figure out how all its functions work. Two people in the same room, doing completely unrelated tasks that require focus and concentration; clearly this is not a situation for idle chit chat.

But she cannot not talk if there's anyone visibly within hearing distance. She reads bits of the manual out loud, she comments on what the device is doing, she makes noises of surprise and pleasure... I'm focused on my book, and a voice impinges on my consciousness but I don't catch the words, so I look up and say "What, I didn't catch that," and she says, 'Oh nothing, just thinking out loud." I go back to my reading, and within 10 seconds the voice breaks my concentration again, and we do another round of "What?" "Oh nothing."

Okay guys, how many rounds of that will you take before you say something like, "If you have nothing to say, stop saying it." My record I think is 12, which I set tonight. I suspect that there are only three things you can do when you're alone in a room with a woman. You can talk to her, feed her, or have sex with her, and you'll almost certainly have to do the first along with the other two. You cannot be alone in a room with a woman and not pay attention to her. You cannot read, you cannot write, you cannot sit and think. You will be interrupted, ceaselessly and pointlessly.

I tested that hypothesis tonight. I left the kitchen, went into the living room, still within hearing distance but out of sight, and she stopped talking. I went back into the kitchen and sat down with my book again, and she started talking about nothing again. Every woman I've ever known has behaved that way: if there's anyone visible within hearing distance, they cannot not talk, even if they have nothing to say.

Ladies, if you have nothing to say, don't say it. Shut up.
 
Colpy
#2
The problem here is gender difference.

The ladies can, and always will, multi-task. They can handle several different tasks at once, and YES yappi......talking always seems to be one of them.

Men, on the other hand FOCUS. They concentrate on one thing at a time and all other input is distraction......ever notice a guy looking for a place in his car?

First thing he does is turns off the radio.

One of God's little jokes.
 
zoofer
#3
What was the question again?

Oh don't mind me, I was talking to Cavuto on Fox News.

While reading your rant, er' essay.

Its to do with the left part of the female brain. The talking part. When you left it shut down. When you returned it automatically restarts. There is a couple of hormones that directs this phenomenon. Goes back to prehistoric times.

What it boils down to is a subliminal request for sex or chocolates.
 
glossprincess
#4
Mmmmmmm sex and chocolates........
 
zoofer
#5
Not necessarily in that order.
 
glossprincess
#6
I say both at the same time
 
Finder
#7
You know my wife pretty much does the same thing. I call her a nut ball because she talks sometimes when she's doing something but isn't talking to anybody. Sometimes I'll ask her what she said because I don't understand what she is asking, or I'll ask her if she is talking to me... women are odd things.
 
JoeyB
#8
I can sucessfully be in the same room as a woman and ignore her completely.

I've done it before. I pretended I was deaf.

and by crikey it works a treat.

(it's a bit hard not to laugh when they say silly things however)

Also regarding the sex thing... you can communicate without saying anything at all and get laid. you just need to work on your body language.
...but save it for the really hot foreign girls who cant communicate in any language you speak ) hehehe
 
Jay
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by Dexter Sinister

So I'm sitting at the kitchen table after supper, reading a really well done fictional reworking of the British Arthurian legend and enjoying a truly splendid cup of coffee from our new espresso maker, and Mrs. Sinister comes in and sits down across the table from me. Today she received a new wireless device from her employer, that provides the functions of a cell phone, text messaging, address book and contact management, email, daily/weekly/monthly/annual planner, and a micro mini weenie pissant computer (yes, a Blackberry) so she was there with the device and the manual for it, trying to figure out how all its functions work. Two people in the same room, doing completely unrelated tasks that require focus and concentration; clearly this is not a situation for idle chit chat.
But she cannot not talk if there's anyone visibly within hearing distance. She reads bits of the manual out loud, she comments on what the device is doing, she makes noises of surprise and pleasure... I'm focused on my book, and a voice impinges on my consciousness but I don't catch the words, so I look up and say "What, I didn't catch that," and she says, 'Oh nothing, just thinking out loud." I go back to my reading, and within 10 seconds the voice breaks my concentration again, and we do another round of "What?" "Oh nothing."
Okay guys, how many rounds of that will you take before you say something like, "If you have nothing to say, stop saying it." My...

Quote has been trimmed
While this may be the case, Dex....you have said around here that she is a real hottie, so sometimes you just have to put-up with it!
 
Dexter Sinister
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Jay

While this may be the case, Dex....you have said around here that she is a real hottie, so sometimes you just have to put-up with it!

Yes, well, I concede there are some significant compensations, but sometimes...
 
tracy
#11
I have the opposite problem.
 
Said1
#12
I'l admit, sometimes I talk to myself, only when I'm alone though.
 
Sassylassie
#13
Well good for your wife Dexter, blah blah. I will attempt to explain this phanomina to the males on this forum. From the moment of marrage a man slowly and quietly starts to drive his wife crazy, it's true. Read on single males, women take notes.

Once married a male will hence-forth decide what vehicle a lass will drive most likely a truck. If you are lucky me may even let you drive it.

Step two: Your first home will have to have a shed a garage and basement storage for his pre-marrage stuff, it's junk his taste in furniture suck but will he trash it no--it's his stuff. The wife however will be required to maintain and clean said stuff.

Step three Car/truck keys: He never knows where they are and the eternal question of "Where are my car keys" bellowed from his chair. Will he seek or attempt to find said keys? No, you are requred to get off your hands and knees from scrubbing the floor and find his keys. This is your job for life think twice before you say I do lasses.

Step Four: Keeper of his wallet, yes when his wallet is not on his person you will be required to know it's where abouts at all times. A bowl by the kitchen door comes in handy, tupper ware sells one that will hold all his junk it's called That's a bowl. This bowl is where he will put everything from wallet to keys and his dirty laundry. Wear gloves when putting hand in this bowl.

Step Five: I will have to finish this later I am suppose to be working and I'm about to get busted.

P.S. I was not here, you did not see me. I didn't write this.
 
Said1
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by Sassylassie

Well good for your wife Dexter, blah blah. I will attempt to explain this phanomina to the males on this forum. From the moment of marrage a man slowly and quietly starts to drive his wife crazy, it's true. .

That's why I talk to myself, really.
 
Zan
#15
For your list Sassie:

A man will make it a steadfast rule that he shall NOT know where ANYTHING belongs in the house. For example, when attempting the complex job of assembling a sandwhich, you will be beseiged by incessant bellows from the kitchen such as "Where's the mayo!!! Where's the knives! Where's the damn plates around here"... etc... This often leads to jugs of milk, jars of mayo, packages of lunch meat etc... getting thrown out as said man cannot for the life of him, remember WHERE these items belong after you have directed him to the place where such things are kept in the house, thus leaving them in the oddest places to go bad. To ensure the task of driving the wife completely batty is accomplished fully, the man will invariably demand to know why there's no lunch meat the next day after he has allowed the last remaining package to go bad the previous evening...

... and should his presence ever be required at a 'formal dress required' function, a man will have absolutely no idea that he even OWNS a pair of dress shoes, much less where oh where he's hidden them in his futile attempt to evade such events....

edited for typo
 
Jay
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by Sassylassie

Well good for your wife Dexter, blah blah. I will attempt to explain this phanomina to the males on this forum. From the moment of marrage a man slowly and quietly starts to drive his wife crazy, it's true. Read on single males, women take notes.
Once married a male will hence-forth decide what vehicle a lass will drive most likely a truck. If you are lucky me may even let you drive it.
Step two: Your first home will have to have a shed a garage and basement storage for his pre-marrage stuff, it's junk his taste in furniture suck but will he trash it no--it's his stuff. The wife however will be required to maintain and clean said stuff.
Step three Car/truck keys: He never knows where they are and the eternal question of "Where are my car keys" bellowed from his chair. Will he seek or attempt to find said keys? No, you are requred to get off your hands and knees from scrubbing the floor and find his keys. This is your job for life think twice before you say I do lasses.
Step Four: Keeper of his wallet, yes when his wallet is not on his person you will be required to know it's where abouts at all times. A bowl by the kitchen door comes in handy, tupper ware sells one that will hold all his junk it's called That's a bowl. This bowl is where he will put everything from wallet to keys and his dirty laundry. Wear gloves when putting hand in this bowl.

Quote has been trimmed
You sound like the perfect wife....
 
Cosmo
#17
OMG ... when I read this, I had to do a quick gender check ... yup, I'm still a girl. I'm the one who can't find anything. Ever. I'm the one who, after several "What? Were you talking to me?" questions will say, "If you want my attention, say my name, otherwise I'm going to continue surfing and ignore you".

To be fair, Shell is younger, has a better memory than I and knows where everything in the house is located. I'm a product of the seventies (yep, all them good drugs) and have the memory of a goldfish. Plus if I have someone to find things for me, why would I bother with post-it notes?? The exception being shoes. I know where all the shoes are all the time. Her's and mine.

I wonder if it's truly a gender thing or if it's just a personality thing?
 
Colpy
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by Cosmo

OMG ... when I read this, I had to do a quick gender check ... yup, I'm still a girl. I'm the one who can't find anything. Ever. I'm the one who, after several "What? Were you talking to me?" questions will say, "If you want my attention, say my name, otherwise I'm going to continue surfing and ignore you".

To be fair, Shell is younger, has a better memory than I and knows where everything in the house is located. I'm a product of the seventies (yep, all them good drugs) and have the memory of a goldfish. Plus if I have someone to find things for me, why would I bother with post-it notes?? The exception being shoes. I know where all the shoes are all the time. Her's and mine.

I wonder if it's truly a gender thing or if it's just a personality thing?

I'm sorry, Cosmo.

You blew at the end.

You know where shoes are? That's MORE than one shoe?

Girly.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by Cosmo


I wonder if it's truly a gender thing or if it's just a personality thing?

Bingo! That would be my guess, absolutely. Although Colpy definitely has a point about the shoes!
 
Cosmo
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by Colpy

I'm sorry, Cosmo.

You blew at the end.

You know where shoes are? That's MORE than one shoe?

Girly.

Colpy ... yep. Very girly. *shrug* Tis my way.

But shoes are more than footwear. They are an obsession for me. I'm going to loan Haggis this pair ...



And here's my favourite sneakers ...



More sneakers ...



Ah, and we won't even start on the heels and Fluevogs!
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#21
And I thought my John Lennon Peace Converse All-Star hi-tops were oners!
 
Sassylassie
#22
For the record I am not here! I am working okay. Cosmo you poor lass you need a wife. I will change the list to be based on personality not gender.

Tactic 5: Read and study Guns and Amo you will need it. Not for gun information but military tactics and manuvers. Why, well as you know after work They like to wear the same outfit day after day after day after day. This is where the manuvers and tactics come into play, plan an attack to get this outfit in to the laundry plan early morning recons and removal. I know doing laundry at 2am sucks.

Tactic 6: Use of Their power tools. Example I was refinishing an office chair and needed to borrow the other halfs crow bar and electric staple gun. You'd think I'd asked for a kidney the wailing and moanen. Finally he lets me use these tools only to stand and critque my every move. Frustrated by him hovering and the malfunctioning staple gun I turned the gun around to face me and pulled the trigger to see what the problem was and pift staple into Sassy forhead. Well that set him into a right tizzy, please It wasn't like I shot him was it. So he has to take over this stage of the project because I can't be trusted. I learn from my mistakes It wouldn't of happened again. Note to self: Buy your own gun. Moral of the story they never and I mean never leave you alone with their power tools, I could be Meg Ruffmen and he still wouldn't share.

Tactic 7: Talking to ourselves is a defense mechanism, who really wants to talk about Hockey, the Grey cup what kind of china is that anyway. Gulf boring, boring bloody boring. Home Decor now that is a topic couples can talk about. Right.

Tactic8: Read Zans thread.


I must rest now from doing paper work all morning a two hour work out and walking the dog, raking the back yard (18 bags of leaves). Now it's all about his lunch.
 
Amik
#23
Your wife sounds a lot like my husband, Dexter. He talks to me, himself, the dog.. sometimes he sings. I don't believe he's ever been quiet for five whole minutes, ever! I've learned to tune him out while nodding and mumbling "mmhmm, yep, really?" But every now and then I get busted when he asks me something that a noncommittal "hmph" doesn't cover.
 
Jay
#24
Well Sassylassie, I now believe your huwsband is a very, very blessed man to have you as a wife.
 
Sassylassie
#25
Yes he's blessed but I'm am cursed.
 
JoeyB
#26
SO FREAKING GLAD I AM NOT MARRIED YET
 
zoofer
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by JoeyB

SO FREAKING GLAD I AM NOT MARRIED YET


If you need help...... for a small finders fee...
 
JoeyB
#28
Thanks, but No, Thanks.
 
Vereya
#29
I wonder if Dexter Sinister ever thought what it is like to be in one room with a man. When you come home exhausted in the vening, you just want to sit quietly in some shady corner, and read a book, or watch some TV, or just take a nap. You can never do it with a man around. He will talk to you about his day, he will want to make love to you, he will ask for his supper, never thinking that you want to be just left alone for a couple of hours It looks like Dexter Sinister and I could've been the perfect couple - we'd seldom talk, and so have ew opportunities to quarrel
 
Riyko
#30
XD not all women are like that, i'm one that's not like that. I hardly ever talk people forget i'm there.
 

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