Sign on the dotted line, please:


Sassylassie
#31
Sorry but the contract states I am Most Wonderous Sassy. Legal, perfectly legal.
 
Jay
#32
Quote: Originally Posted by Sassylassie

Pist for you sceptics, I modified the wording and no one noticed. Cleaver no.

Very clever!
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#33
Awww, would ya look at that, the two revisionist contract-signers, side by side!
 
Sassylassie
#34
Haggis it's time for a break your talking to a coat of arms. Please tell me your not singing The Yellow Rose of Texas.
 
Jay
#35
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

Awww, would ya look at that, the two revisionist contract-signers, side by side!

But I haven't signed my soul away to the dark side....
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#36
Quote: Originally Posted by Sassylassie

Haggis it's time for a break your talking to a coat of arms. Please tell me your not singing The Yellow Rose of Texas.

You're right, I AM talking to a coat of arms, and . . . nobody else could miss him, not half as much as me. He cried so when I left him . . .
 
Sassylassie
#37
Sassy is laughing, it's almost time for her to go to bed. The other half is convinced I'm an on line gambling addict and losing our fortune. Hee-hee. Ah the truth would set him free but that would spoil my fun.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#38
That's wicked, Sassy! Truly wicked.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#39
Hey hey hey, this has to be kept in the Recent Post list until everybody has signed it! Tsk.
 
Zan
#40
newbies too?
 
Johnny Utah
#41
"I, Johnny Utah , a fine upstanding (yet occasionally bad as hell) member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: these people are my friends. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack my friends in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

Johnny Utah

Where's the Free Beer for signing my soul away?
 
missile
#42
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

I want everybody here to sign this. Or else!

"I, MISSILE_______________________, a fine upstanding (yet occasionally bad as hell) member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: these people are my friends. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack my friends in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

Brian/Missile_____________________________

Attached Images
exploding-head_457.gif (62.6 KB, 306 views)
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#43
Zan, yes, of course newbies should sign too. Mind you, newbies just get shot if they don't comply, but signing is nice, it gives you the courtesy of a nice kangaroo trial before you're shot.

Look at this list grow! I can just imagine all the pots of spaghetti boiling in the background, and the cans of beer being hastily drained, for the ol' just-in-case .

Now remember, all you signers, don't be mentioning to the others about the unbelievable perks of signing, ie the free trip to Peurto Vallharta, the new car, that sort of thing. Those are your SECRET perks. And whatever you do, don't mention the fact that signers are all privvy to the much sought after answers about the nekkid women.
 
Zan
#44
"I, Zan a fine upstanding newbie member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: I hope these people will become my friends. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack my friends in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

Zan [/quote]
 
Nuggler
#45
Right; what Haggis wrote; consider me signed.

I have never attacked a fellow forumite in a personal or impersonal manner in any forum that was foolish enough to have me as a member, and never would.......attack someone that is. Why bother . It's really beneath me

I don't even like debating, just say my piece (I know I'm right) and go sit down and have a coffee. Let the lesser mortals take up the scrum.
Etch.........I mean,,,,,,,,,really.........hah

Old'n.........whatever.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#46
Awesome, oldnugly, and I know what you mean about always being right. I feel the same way. Why argue about it?

Zan, you are a newbie heads above other newbies, having signed this sacred vow

I should mention the good luck all signers automatically receive. Better than a four-leaf clover, and easier to pack around, too.
 
Jersay
#47
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

I want everybody here to sign this. Or else!

"I, ___Jersay_________________, a fine upstanding (yet occasionally bad as hell) member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: these people are my friends. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack my friends in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

____________Jersay___________________

 
Jersay
#48
*Drops dead.*
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#49
Quote: Originally Posted by Jersay

*Drops dead.*

It's okay, you're granted a Get Out of Dropping Dead card for signing zee papairs.
 
Kreskin
#50
My lawyer is asking for some clarification. Notably the ". . . *^&*(#^#" part.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#51
Quote: Originally Posted by Kreskin

My lawyer is asking for some clarification. Notably the ". . . *^&*(#^#" part.

Give me your lawyer's name, I'll just strike him dead, no worries.
 
darkbeaver
#52
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

I want everybody here to sign this. Or else!

"I, _X_____________________, a fine upstanding (yet occasionally bad as hell) member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: these people are my friends. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack my friends in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

_______X________________________

 
Kreskin
#53
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

Quote: Originally Posted by Kreskin

My lawyer is asking for some clarification. Notably the ". . . *^&*(#^#" part.

Give me your lawyer's name, I'll just strike him dead, no worries.

Alan Dershowitz
(617)-495-4617
 
Amik
#54
"I, Amik, a fine upstanding (and virginal newbie) member of this forum, do solemnly swear upon the kitchen sink and sundry other items, to remember, at all times, just one thing before posting: these people might be my friends, relatives and coworkers. I might yell at them, I might throw an empty beer can at them, I might even throw day-old spaghetti at them if they're (choose one) . . . *^&*(#^# right-wing . . . *#@$(%&#*(@& left-wing, but I'm not going to attack people I don't hardly know in a genuinely vicious manner from this point on. May Haggis strike me dead if I do, for being dead will certainly be better than what she has in mind for me in the torture rooms if I don't sign and comply."

Signed in fear and dread,

Amik

_________________
Question. What happens if I break the contract?
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#55
Hey, Amik, you are now one very lucky newbie, blessed with acres of good luck. Unlike, I might add, the poor lawyer who misled our Kreskin.

darkbeaver, I wondered where you had been! And yes, your x marks the spot. beavers, especially darkbeavers, have privileges, and one of them is the right to sign with an x, in blood. That WAS in blood, wasn't it?
 
Dexter Sinister
#56
I ain't signing that, Hag, even though you said please. Trust me to love and respect and honour everybody (except the few total dipsticks here, and I'll hammer them only at Wreck Beach, where they ask for it), without the formalities of a contract and lawyers and pre-nup agreements, or break it off now before it gets really serious and somebody's heart gets broken again. I do not fear or dread you, I cannot be intimidated, and you cannot strike me dead, 'cause I'm at least as tough and smart as you think you are.

Want to haul me into the Torture Room? Henh... it is to laugh. I will enjoy your whips and chains for a while, then break the bonds and whup your *** with your own implements of destruction, and you'll love it.

... you know, I have a really rich and interesting fantasy life...

...but if anyone else was really interested, it wouldn't be a fantasy, would it...
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#57
Okay buster, you're getting my Special Dex Torture Room.

You'll be placed there for three weeks. Inside the room are just two items, both seemingly innocuous at first glance.

One: the best, most interesting, book you've ever read.

Two: A female, talking non-stop.

At least as tough and smart as me, eh, Smarty-boy?
 
Dexter Sinister
#58
Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

... A female, talking non-stop.

That's redundant, but I see you've read the thread about woman and talking.
I'll just whap her upside the head with the book, then enjoy a good read. On the other hand... what does she look like?
Quote:

At least as tough and smart as me, eh, Smarty-boy?

Yep. Don't make me come over there and prove it. You'll be sorry.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#59
Quote: Originally Posted by Dexter Sinister

Quote: Originally Posted by Haggis McBagpipe

... A female, talking non-stop.

That's redundant, but I see you've read the thread about woman and talking.
I'll just whap her upside the head with the book, then enjoy a good read. On the other hand... what does she look like?
Quote:

At least as tough and smart as me, eh, Smarty-boy?

Yep. Don't make me come over there and prove it. You'll be sorry.

You wouldn't survive ten seconds, smarty-boy. I'd whup you into next week before you could say 'geometric tolerancing!!!'. Oh, and the woman? She's protected by an invisible shield. You can't touch, but you do get that incessant yammering of her voice. Kinda high-pitched, a little whiny question mark at the end of everything she says. Oh! Oh!I know! And she likes to state the obvious. A lot. How'd ya like them apple, smarty-boy.
 
Dexter Sinister
#60
Oh yeah? Well, then know this: I'm 6' 2", about 200 pounds, and I'm in shape. I can recite "geometric tolerancing" forwards and backwards ("gnicnarelot cirtemoeg") and do Fourier transform integrals in my head while whupping you left-handed and holding that book in my right hand and reading with full comprehension. As for that whining woman, I can tune her out completely; I have immense, even staggering, powers of concentration, not to mention such powerful charisma that both you and that whining one would melt and swoon as soon as you heard my velvety baritone voice.

You wouldn't stand a chance. 'Specially if I brought along a fine old bottle of single malt scotch. An 18-year old Glenmorangie, for instance. Give up yet?
 

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