Useless inventions


peapod
#1
Wow! some wacky patents out there...you gots any?? check this one out

UK Patent No. GB1361962. Pedrick's ultimate deterrent to solve the Cold War. The UN places three nuclear bombs on earth-orbiting satellites. If these detect that one of the superpowers has been nuked by one of the others, they are automatically programmed to drop on Washington, Moscow and Peking, ensuring the mutual destruction of all three.
 
Andygal
#2
I'd change that to "drop the nuke on wherever Bush is at the moment" assuring the desctruction of stupidity and a 50 point rise in the average IQ of the world.
 
peapod
#3
better get to the patent office andygal...wow! I am blown away by the patent world .....I am gettin me chuckles for the day.


Title: US4344424: Anti-eating face mask
Country: US United States of America

Abstract: An anti-eating face mask which includes a cup-shaped member conforming to the shape of the mouth and chin area of the user, together with a hoop member and straps detachably engageable with a user's head for mounting the cup-shaped member in overlying relationship with the user's mouth and chin area under the nose thereby preventing the ingestion of food by the user.

 
manda
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by peapod

better get to the patent office andygal...wow! I am blown away by the patent world .....I am gettin me chuckles for the day.


Title: US4344424: Anti-eating face mask
Country: US United States of America

Abstract: An anti-eating face mask which includes a cup-shaped member conforming to the shape of the mouth and chin area of the user, together with a hoop member and straps detachably engageable with a user's head for mounting the cup-shaped member in overlying relationship with the user's mouth and chin area under the nose thereby preventing the ingestion of food by the user.

sounds like a refined muzzle to me
 
#juan
#5
Is it too late for my solar powered flashlight, or the open on impact parachute?
 
Jo Canadian
#6
Ever had to pee in the dark of night???

 
#juan
#7
If I built my solar powered flashlight really small, it could be clipped onto .........Nevermind.
 
Reverend Blair
#8
I invented a device for pulling rotted fence posts out of the ground. It's 2 slabs of 1/4 inch plate with pointy bits sticking out of them. You just tighten the bolts that hold them together, ram a Jack-All under one corner, and start jacking. The post either comes out or breaks off slightly under ground level.

I'd imagine that about a million other guys have invented the exact same device out of pure desperation. I wonder if anybody ever patented it?
 
Ten Packs
#9
You coulda been sitting on the beach at Cabo this winter, Rev....
 
Reverend Blair
#10
Likely not. I had fun playing with the welder though.
 
LeftCoast
#11
Nipples - why do we got em (men that is)?

I think god is a bit of a tease - if I had breasts I'd never leave the house.
 
peapod
#12
here's one, probally a neo cons's idea :P
Nuclear handgrenade. It made a hole 90 feet deep and 300 feet across. Only problem was, the average soldier could only throw it 20 feet. :P
 
Hard-Luck Henry
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by peapod

here's one, probally a neo cons's idea :P
Nuclear handgrenade. It made a hole 90 feet deep and 300 feet across. Only problem was, the average soldier could only throw it 20 feet. :P

I remember a TV show called "Brass" - a very dark, but funny, sitcom of sorts, about a First World War industrialist. One of his many schemes aimed at making piles of said "brass", was to design and build new weapons for the War Office. One of his ideas was for the "anti-tank boot"; a boot with a high explosive charge in the toecap, to be detonated by squaddies running up tanks, and kicking them.
 
peapod
#14
Thats funny bigh...anyways a really good invention was the corner deli :P A good thing like me telly momsy martha says. I going to da mama's house for one her food orgies. This is where the middle eastern deli down the street comes in. Gawd! what a place, everybody is happy and content at the deli, all the unusal smells waffling around, same goes for the visual. Who knew there so many kinds of olives, you can sample them at the olive bar, some can really kicked you in the ***, ouch! hot and spicy. Everyone chats aways to the sounds of mmmmmmmmmmmm by a gang of nibblers I settle for some persian sangack bread, so thin and long, I coulds use it for a skirt in a pinch :P and 200 grams of feta and red pepper spread, made before my eyes, and 1.4 kgs of the same thing for da mama nah, but the invention of the deli was a good thing.

Room! Room! make room for the bouncing belly
from hymn to the belly
 
peapod
#15
Hey rev, here is one for you

US04858627
Smoker's Hat
A portable hat... [includes] a filtration, purification and deionization system for removal of combustion products... and an exhaust system for expelling the filtered deodorized, deionized and optionally scented air from the hat.
 
Reverend Blair
#16
Wouldn't that hat be for non-smokers? Us smokers tend not to ind a little smoke in the air after all.
 
Vanni Fucci
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by Reverend Blair

Wouldn't that hat be for non-smokers? Us smokers tend not to ind a little smoke in the air after all.

Think of the possibilities though Rev...we might be able to smoke in the bar again...of course we'd have to wear one of those stupid things on our head...but wotthehell...
 
Reverend Blair
#18
I've worn stupider things on my head in the bar.
 

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