Letter from a Wife and Mother


GreenGreta
#1
Your Wife
1234 Your Address
Your Town, Your Province
Your Postal Code
(This is your house)


Dear Sir;

Is it too much to ask that you please stop beating me? Will you please stop, in the name of "love", taking your knife, gun and fists, and destroying me? Is it necessary to use that much force on me when I am physically weaker than you? Am I such a huge threat to you that you must resort to this?

Do you have to, in front of our children, humiliate and degrade me, their mother? I don't want my sons to think women are servants, bitches and ****s. I don't want my daughters thinking that men will only hurt them. I don't want this vicious cycle to continue. Does it impress you that your sons will grow up to be abusers? Are you excited about the day your grandchildren come to you crying that their dad beats THEIR mother? Will you tell your grandchildren that their mother deserves it?

Does it please you to see your children huddled together, crying, and scared to death? Is your day a success that way?

Why, if you really think I am so bad, are you still with me? Why don't you leave instead of hurting me this way? Are you really incapable of living without me? Are you really so weak that you would rather be at my funeral than let me live my life? Are you really that small? Are you nothing without me?

What did I do that was so wrong? What did I do to you?


Yours truly,



Your Wife
 
Jay
#2
Sorry, my wife didn't write that letter.....
 
GreenGreta
#3
Most wives didn't.

Hopefully anyways.
 
Jay
#4
So it's just propaganda....the man hating kind.
 
peapod
#5
domestic violence is not propganda or man hating, its a fact and there is more than enough evidence supporting it. This is not a joke, especially when that violence has to be witnessed by childern.
 
GreenGreta
#6
A 15 year old boy had to shoot his father on fathers day because he just watched him kill his mother. Is that propaganda?
 
Jay
#7
No that's not; the above letter is.
 
peapod
#8
No its not jay, but I agree that the letter is over the top, and theatrical. But that does not change the real existence of a serious issue. So lets not look at this as man bashing, it just so happens that most offenders are male. Right, big deal! why not try and understand why?
 
Jay
#9
I do understand Pea....

By now I'm sure you understand that I'm not going to allow a letter like this to pass as anything other than what it is.

I support the theme...domestic violence is wrong, and it breeds violence. It must stop. It's like growing up and watching your parents drink all the time...odds are your going to do it too.

I don't support the letter though, and I don't think it is doing anything to support understanding.

My mother used to beat the crap out of me, should I pen a nasty little letter painting all Mothers the same way. No I shouldn't. That would be wrong also.
 
no1important
#10
Quote:

My mother used to beat the crap out of me, should I pen a nasty little letter painting all Mothers the same way. No I shouldn't. That would be wrong also.

No, you should not.

But stats prove kids who are hit growing up have a better chance of being involved in domestic violence, ending up in jail etc. Violence solves nothing. Only makes things worse.
 
Jay
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by no1important


No, you should not.

But stats prove kids who are hit growing up have a better chance of being involved in domestic violence, ending up in jail etc. Violence solves nothing. Only makes things worse.

And that’s why I posted this…

Quote: Originally Posted by Jay

I support the theme...domestic violence is wrong, and it breeds violence. It must stop. It's like growing up and watching your parents drink all the time...odds are your going to do it too.

 
TenPenny
#12
If violence solves nothing, what do we do with abusive SPOUSES. And please note the use of "Spouse", not husband. Domestic abuse is a two way street.
 
Jay
#13
There are laws in effect already to deal with this problem.

Education has a big part to play...seek counseling if your prone to hitting and verbal abuse!!

Admitting you have a problem is a big step.

We have shelters etc. There are ways to stop the cycle.


Disclaimer....I'm speaking from the common sense front, not from experience.
 
Dexter Sinister
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by peapod

... it just so happens that most offenders are male.

Nope. That's the propaganda. It's male violence that gets the publicity, but the fact is, it's a draw.

www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm (external - login to view)
 
Jay
#15
Good to see you out Dex....


I was going to say it was feminist propaganda, but I didn't want to deal with the backlash...there was enough of it as it was, proving the point I suppose....
 
Dexter Sinister
#16
Thanks Jay. I've been away for a while (fly-in fishing trip to the wilds of northern Saskatchewan; highly recommended therapy for whatever ails you), and when the weather's nice I like to be out in the yard, not hanging around messaging systems, but I do try to drop in here regularly.

That male violence thing is among the most enduring myths of contemporary popular culture, and I'm getting tired of it. Though it pains me to disagree with peapod, a fellow gardener and fisherman...
 
Jay
#17
"(fly-in fishing trip to the wilds of northern Saskatchewan; highly recommended therapy for whatever ails you), "

Sound like a great time....what fish bites flies up there?

"Though it pains me to disagree with peapod, a fellow gardener and fisherman..."

I know, but I had to do it too....someone has to stand up for males….
 
GreenGreta
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by Dexter Sinister

That male violence thing is among the most enduring myths of contemporary popular culture, and I'm getting tired of it. Though it pains me to disagree with peapod, a fellow gardener and fisherman...

A myth? Men beating women is hardly a myth. I do agree that women also beat men.
 
annabattler
#19
The reality is that there are NOT enough protections for women...there are not enough shelter beds,there are not enough long-term housing beds...there are not enough "prevention" programmes,so women don't find themselves tolerating abuse.
And let's not forget the terror of the children,who watch the abuse,or are targetted themselves.
Add to that the new "immigrants",who don't have the language or the skills to seek out help...decidedly a problem.
 
Jay
#20
Right. Men tolerate abuse, because we can....were supported somehow....
 
Dexter Sinister
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by GreenGreta

A myth? Men beating women is hardly a myth. I do agree that women also beat men.

You misunderstand me, though I could have been clearer. Let's try this again.

The mythology is that domestic violence means men abusing women, ignoring the fact that women do it just as much to men. It also ignores non-physical abuse, which I'd bet is far more common. Another part of the mythology holds that all men, not just the few who actually snap, are seething cauldrons of barely repressed testosterone-driven violence capable of giving in to base urges without warning. You won't find the latter notion expressed much except in the more extremist feminist circles, but it's out there.

I started researching this stuff the day I heard Peter Gzowski on national radio take personal responsibility on behalf of all men for Mark Lepine's fit of madness at L'Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, and I thought, "No, I'm not buying that, I won't be tarred with that brush." Gzowski was wrong, so is popular culture, and so is feminism on this particular issue: women are just as guilty as men on this one.
 
AirIntake
#22
My mother is a coordinator for Victim Service in the town I used to live in. She deals with domestic abuse all time. Her biggest pet peeve? Spouses (women) that keep coming back to their abuser. Spouses that come to the police for help but then change their mind and become uncooperative because all of a sudden they 'love him' again. There is no shortage of assitance programs in our area, it's just up to the woman to actually follow through with the process of charging the abuser and then getting the assistance they require. Too often they 'make up' with the abuser only to be abused again.
 
peapod
#23
This is a bit silly to me, I am not going to run around and find stats and reports, the fact is women are abused by men all the time. Thats why we have safe homes for them. I have no doubt women abuse men. Jay I think you are talking about child abuse, and I am sorry you had to suffer that at the hands of your mother. I don't really care who is doing it, the fact is no one should be doing it.

Dex, I disagree with my buds all the time...except bigH of course...
 
Dexter Sinister
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by Jay

Sound like a great time....what fish bites flies up there?.

It was a fabulous time. I dunno what "what fish bites flies" means exactly, and a full answer to what I think it means is a little off topic for this thread (I'm considering developing a more thoughtful essay on it, with pictures, to post somewhere), so here I'll just say we got walleye, northern pike, and lake trout, in large numbers and sizes, almost exclusively using spoon-type lures with the yellow/black and yellow/red five of diamonds pattern on them.
 
Twila
#25
Quote:

Spouses (women) that keep coming back to their abuser. Spouses that come to the police for help but then change their mind and become uncooperative because all of a sudden they 'love him' again.

My sister used to volunteer with Vancouver's Rape Crisis relief. She quit because of the above. She was sick and tired of hearing these women return to the abusers.

I myself find it frustrating that women still are not "equal" We still want to be victims. We don't want to take responsibility for our actions. THose actions being going back to the abuser. At some point, we women, are going to either have to acknowledge that "no, infact we are not equal"(and will require all sorts of shelters, counselling and victim services for the rest of our lives) or we're going to have to acknowledge that we are in fact alot stronger then we pretend to be and take responsibility for allowing this type of bull**** to happen to us. Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, shame on me.
 
peapod
#26
walleyeyes are nice little scrapers, I would like to read that essay dex. I posted something for you in the hoe de hoe hoe thread.

I am not really into the man verus women thing, we all have our own ideas, but just my opinion...but women should learn to look after themselves, in fact if half of them did, there would be no use for men at all
 
Twila
#27
Quote:

in fact if half of them did, there would be no use for men at all

There's something extremely fruedian about this statement.
 
AirIntake
#28
Quote:

Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, shame on me.

I'm going to pass this one on to my Mom, she'll love it I can just imagine her telling that to the next victim that decides to go back to their abuser. She could end it with a Red Foreman "Dumbass!"
 
no1important
#29
This is as late as they had stats for.
Based on responses (external - login to view) from approximately 26,000 people, an estimated 7% of adults (equivalent to about 690,000 women and 549,000 men in Canada) experienced some form of violence in their marriage or common-law relationship in the five years prior to the 1999 General Social Survey.

Women Can be Abusive too (external - login to view)

As long ago as 1981, Straus, Gelles and Steinmetz discovered some of the data referred to by Kelly, reporting it in "Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family." Nearly 180 million women were assaulted annually by their husbands that year -- shameful data that was elevated for all to see via incite-ful ads trumpeting the fact that "Every 17 seconds a woman is assaulted by her husband."

What the general public never saw, though, was the "real surprise," to quote the authors: 200 million husbands who were likewise assaulted by their wives.

In what can only be described as a conspiracy of misinformation, the data on assaulted husbands was swept under the rug. No ads were ever produced depicting the average 16 second time span between assaults by wives on their husbands.

Contrary to public perception, (external - login to view) the most likely physical abuser of a young child will be that child's mother, not a male in the household.

Mothers abuse children twice as often as fathers: 40% of child victims were maltreated by their mother acting alone, vs 19% percent by their father acting alone.

Mothers accounted for 55% of child murders, whereas fathers were responsible for only a relatively tiny percentage.

Women ages twenty to forty-nine are almost twice as likely as men to be perpetrators of child maltreatment:. . . almost two thirds of child abusers were females. Given that male perpetrators are not necessarily fathers but more likely to be boyfriends and stepfathers, fathers emerge as the least likely child abusers.

Research found that children are as much as thirty-three times more likely to be abused when a live-in boyfriend or stepfather is present.

Judges error on the dangerous side by giving children to mothers and not fathers.

Children from fatherless homes account for:

63% of youth suicides.
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes.
71% of pregnant teenagers
71% of all high school dropouts.
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers.
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger.
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders.
85% of all youths sitting in prisons.
90% of all homeless and runaway children.
You might think a "loving mother" would want to protect her child and keep him from becoming one of the above statistics, but in most cases you would be wrong.

Mothers are exposing children to the above risks:

Angry mothers sabotage a father's efforts to visit their children.
Few children are satisfied with the amount of contact with their fathers.
The mother was the greatest obstacle to having more frequent contact with the children.
37.9% of fathers have no access/visitation rights.
40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse.
50% of mothers "see no value in the father`s continued contact with his children...."
70% of fathers felt that they had too little time with their children.
77% of non-custodial fathers are NOT able to "visit" their children, as ordered by the court, as a result of visitation interference by the mother.
89% of mothers don't value their husband's input when it comes to handling problems with their kids.
Non-compliance with court ordered visitation is 300% more common than non-compliance with court ordered child support and impacts the children of divorce even more.


Basically violence happens on both sides, and violence solves nothing. If your children are exposed and recieve violence growing up, good chances they will be doing the same when they grow up. Hitting kids and spouses is very very wrong and no need for it. There are better ways to solve the problems.

So if you hit your kids stop, if you hit your spouse stop. If you feel the urge to do either leave your home to calm down and go see a counsellor or other form of professional help.

Take Sweden for example they banned "spanking" in the late 70's and they have substantially lower rates of domestic abuse compared to North America.
 
Jay
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by Dexter Sinister

Quote: Originally Posted by Jay

Sound like a great time....what fish bites flies up there?.

It was a fabulous time. I dunno what "what fish bites flies" means exactly,

no doubt...

I think my brain confused the fly-in-fishing, with fly fishing....

and when you said this…

Quote: Originally Posted by Dexter Sinister

walleye, northern pike, and lake trout, in large numbers and sizes, almost exclusively using spoon-type lures with the yellow/black and yellow/red five of diamonds pattern on them.

it really threw me for a loop, and I had to go back and re-read.
 

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