Men vs Women

I think not
#1
Relationships
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us."

This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Low blows
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on TV. One of the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "Oh, gee. That must have hurt." The man groans and doubles over, and actually FEELS the pain.

Dressing up
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical
pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

Eating out
When the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Joe Garagiola's head.

Menopause
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Cameras
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker rooms
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, sports, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know about sports nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker -- sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Time
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

Conversation
Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "! Wow, great movie.", "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size." "Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys", etc... Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Friends
Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos or Got any more beer?"

Restrooms
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
 
Laika
#2
I bet we could solve all the world's problems like war and world hunger if men started going to the bathroom together.

I don't think it's possible to stay angry at a person who is tinkling in the stall next to you.
 
GreenGreta
#3
Quote: Originally Posted by Laika

I bet we could solve all the world's problems like war and world hunger if men started going to the bathroom together.

I don't think it's possible to stay angry at a person who is tinkling in the stall next to you.

So are you saying a man needs his dick in his hand to solve a problem? Then why do teenaged boys have so many problems......
 
I think not
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by GreenGreta

Quote: Originally Posted by Laika

I bet we could solve all the world's problems like war and world hunger if men started going to the bathroom together.

I don't think it's possible to stay angry at a person who is tinkling in the stall next to you.

So are you saying a man needs his dick in his hand to solve a problem? Then why do teenaged boys have so many problems......

Most of the problems teenage boys have is that they need to stop having their dicks in their hands
 
Gordon J Torture
#5
Quote:

Most of the problems teenage boys have is that they need to stop having their dicks in their hands

They do stop ... When they lift the beer to their mouths while the other hand is occupied with a joint. Or was that just me?
 
jimmoyer
#6
Let's go to a Middle East Bizzare so to speak.

Among any number of problems between men and women in the Middle East, I'll just select one that is not so much a problem but one that has fire.

The Eyes.

Sometimes you can't see the woman's eyes, sometimes you can and it's the eyes are all you can see.
 
Frappuccino Dibs
#7
Why do so many women think so highly of themselves that they have the right to completely trounce the male population of the world?
 
PunkinPie
#8
i just dont get how men think so high of them selfs and show no respect to women. when we helped bring u here.... ya we some type of male to recreate but we r the holders and that it in some mens eyes. and to me thats very wrong..... we stay fat and pregnet, with morning sickness... and then they get to be a father... i guess im just rambling
 
p106_peppy
#9
you're all a bunch of ignorant, stereotyping, misogynists.
 
Cosmo
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by p106_peppy

you're all a bunch of ignorant, stereotyping, misogynists.

I suggest I Think Not posted that with tongue in cheek ... a bit of truth and a large measure of good natured humour.

I am a radical feminist dyke ... and am not offended. It's critical in this world to flex the humour muscle or you end up being mad an awful lot. The differences between the sexes is one of nature's biggest ironies, in my opinion. If we can't laugh about it, the species would never get propagated! More power to those of you who can cross those gender lines and form relationships with the opposite sex. I, personally, don't have any clue of how you manage, but even while it mystifies me, I respect the ability.

I have found very few misogynists here, actually. And I am quite sensitive to the issue. If anything, I've discovered in this forum that gender is pretty much the last concern anyone addresses in debate. I'm more offended by political correctness than honest discrimination and find myself rarely offended here.
 

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