Quote: Originally Posted by Twila
Black Adder! I remember being quite young sitting with my dad and watching Black adder II.
He'd been captures by a german spy. Black Adder asks him a bunch of questions about how he. The spy. could possible know so much. the spy's response was always "I'd do anything for my country"
then they start to discuss what disquise the spy had used. The milk maid. Black Adder "but didn't we......(implying sex) german spy "I'd do anything for my country"
On and On it goes. the spy having been everywhere Black adder had been and in mulitple disquises. then it comes to a sheep. Black Adder "but didn't we...." spy "I'd do anything for my country"\
OH it was soooooo funny.
I also remember another episode where The Queen plays a joke on Black Adder and pretends they've all been horribly massacred. Blood everywhere. court lying around dead. What a demented sense of humour. Sadly. I laughed.
This was a 1985 episode of Blackadder called "Chains", set during the Elizabethan times.
Blackadder and Lord Melchett (played by the super-intelligent Stephen Fry) have been kidnapped (by being clonked on the head) by the German despot Mad Prince Ludwig (played by Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry's friend and long time acting partner), despite Blackadder having just told Queen Elizabeth that only stupid people get kidnapped.
Whilst kept in a little box with spikes protruding from it in Ludwig's dungeon, Blackadder asks Ludwig who is he. Ludwig - who is a master of disguises - then gives him a surprising answer.
Blackadder, waking up in a dungeon with a sore head: "What was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it!"
Blackadder: Who the hell are you, sausage breath?
Mad Prince Ludwig (in a German accent): You do not remember me then, Herr Blackadder?
Blackadder: I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
Mad Prince Ludwig: Oh, on the contrary. We have met many times, although you knew me by another name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto with whom you used to dine and plot and play ze biscuit game at ze old pizzel in Dover?
Blackadder: My God!
Mad Prince Ludwig: Yes! I... was the waitress!
Blackadder: I don't believe it! You? Big Sally?
Mad Prince Ludwig: [in a woman's voice with a West Country accent] Will you have another piece of pie, my Lord?
Blackadder: But I went to bed with you, didn't I?
Mad Prince Ludwig: For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice.
Blackadder: Yes, well I'm not. I must have been paralytic!
Then Melchett is brought into the torture chamber and he asks Ludwig who he is. And, again, the master of disguise gives a surprising answer:
Prince Ludwig: Do you remember when you were in Cornwall, at the monastery, there was an old shepherd wizh whom you used to talk?
Lord Melchett: Good Lord! Timkins?
Prince Ludwig: Yes! I was one of his sheep!
Lord Melchett: His sheep? Not...
Prince Ludwig: Yes!
Lord Melchett: Flossy?
Prince Ludwig: Yes!
Lord Melchett: But didn't we...
Prince Ludwig (with Hugh Laurie genuinely trying desperately not to laugh): Yes, Lord Melchett! Baaaaaa!
Lord Melchett: [Blackadder and Melchett are chained in Prince Ludwig's dungeon] Alas! shall I never see England more? Her rolling fields, her swooping swallows...
Blackadder: ...And her playful sheep.
Blackadder: One thing, Ludwig, just before you go...
Prince Ludwig: What?
Blackadder: Were you ever bullied at school?
Prince Ludwig: What do you mean?
Blackadder: Well, all this ranting and raving about power, there must be some reason for it.
Prince Ludwig: Nonsense, no, no, at my school having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity.
Blackadder: I thought so! And I bet your mother made you wear shorts right up to your final year.
Prince Ludwig: Shut up! SHUT UP! When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me Shorty Greasy Spot-Spot again!
Lord Melchett (getting bored being chained to the wall): What say you, Blackadder, I sing a song to keep our spirits up.
Blackadder: That all depends whether you want the slop bucket over your head or not.
Lord Melchett: Well, perhaps some pleasant word game.
Blackadder: Yes, all right. Make a sentence out of the following words: Face, sodding, your, shut.
I can't resist the temptation. I'm going to have to post more memorable quotes from that hilarous Manc twonk Karl Pilkington.
If you're feeling miserable for whatever reason just read these. They'll cheer you up.......
It would be impossible, I'd just chuck myself into the salt pot or something....[Ricky laughs hysterically]... I'd hate that, that would be horrible that....[Ricky continues to giggle] -
Karl answering Ricky Gervais's question of how he would get his girlfriend Suzanne's attention in the kitchen if he were turned into a slug. Series 1, episode 12 of "The Ricky Gervais Show".
"There was a really fat bloke on the plane... [Ricky laughs] ...he was playing on a PSP. While I was waiting to go to the toilet, I looked at what game he was playing. It was darts. He's that fat and lazy... [Ricky laughs] ...he can't play a more active game on a games console." - Excerpt from Karl's Diary, read out by Stephen Merchant in an episode of The Ricky Gervais Show
Woke up to news about ducks being badly treated. There was a really ugly one with bent legs. - From Karl's Diary
Karl is not only an unintentional comedy genious, he's also something of a poet:
"If Moths Had Eyes"
If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
How do they know they're not dead?
Cavemen hunting for food,
But not before they style the hair on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blind man didn't stand a chance.
Not with all them rocks about
I'd rather be a blind moth
Bubbled wallpaper, what a mess
Washer dryer knackered, what a mess
Siamese twins separated, one leg less
I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob
They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas
Get rid of them
Me, a Chinese fella and an old bloke,
Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',
Don't know what was wrong with him,
But breaking wind was the symptoms.
No one visited him or called him.
He seemed quite lost to me.
As well as wind problems,
He had a colostomy.
When I left,I said "see ya" to the old man.
Turned out the other fella wasn't Chinese,
He was from Japan.
I never found out what was up with him.
There was a big fat fella in the sea who kept his T-shirt on. If you're big and fat, is there more chance of you getting burnt because there is more of you on show? I asked Suzanne, and she said she "didn't know" in that sort of not listening kind of way. I wanted to hang around and see if the fat bloke was going to get in the kayak... [Ricky laughs... but Suzanne said we had to head back.
- Another excerpt from Karl's Diary, read by Stephen Merchant on The Ricky Gervais Show
Woke up at 9.55am. Soon as I woke up, I looked at Suzanne and she looked at me. I said, "Did I tell you about the immune system?" Suzanne starting laughing, I said it's amazing. She said, "Not now."
- From Karl's Diary
I woke up the other night, quite late, and I said to my girlfriend, I said, "How do you put a snake down?"
Who's been lying about it until now?
- Karl on the title of the TV documentary "The Truth About The Giant Squid"
Make sure you tell 'em I think Twitter is s**t, too
- Instructing Ricky Gervais to make sure all the Karl Pilkington quote lovers on Twitter knows he hates the social website
Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity, My family does me 'ed in after one day at Christmas. I'd rather be mush
- Karl Pilkington on heaven
I'm not tired. I don't breathe enough
- Karl after being asked why he yawned
I was watching the news and it got a bit heavy.... I ended up reading about this mouse with an ear on its back
If your brain was in your foot it would take you ages to say anything
Suzanne caught me trying to cook sauages in the toaster once
There's these fish that I've read about. They're so see-through that they're invisible, so I don't even think they know they exist
- Whilst in the Amazon jungle in an episode of An Idiot Abroad
There was a fella outside our house who hit a lamppost. He had a helmet on but his head came off
Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in "Why" to see if it would confuse the computer
It worries me that we've got all this goin' on in the body and the skin's keeping it in place
Normally you can't hear your own voice because you're talking over it
I have been in my body for years
You can't hold your breath to death
There was a ship so big it had rough areas on it
Anteaters can move their tongue in and out 160 times in a minute. I did 148 last night so it's not that amazing
I have learnt that my brain isn't as interested in stuff as I am
I saw a bee have a heart attack....
I can't remember being a baby. I put that down to it being boring
No wonder there is 30 per cent less oxygen here. I think it’s due to all the tourists climbing this hill
- Karl climbing up a hill in Peru in An Idiot Abroad
It’s like my Aunt Nora’s house – too many ornaments
- On the Egyptian Museum in Cairo
The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and said 'Oh, God. Look at my hair today.'
Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.
I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice
I don't like fun
If you’re quite ugly and you’re sat facing someone who is pretty at work, who’s got the better deal?
I went all the way to Australia to swim with dolphins," explained Pilkington, "That's what I thought I picked on the list. Got in the cage ... shark - On an episode of An Idiot Abroad
Last edited by Blackleaf; May 30th, 2013 at 01:31 PM..