Inconsiderate People


Fate
#1
Let's face it, the real issues most people have is not with smokers or fat-people per se', but with inconsiderate people, who are not limited by sex, age, race or personal vice.

I too could go on a rant about this group or that group, but everytime, I realize that this is the real issue, our tendency to not give a fig how we affect those around us.

Unfortunately, there is also a flip side to this, our own tendency to be intolerant of others.

Consider smoking in a restaurant.

I know full well that people like to light up in restaurants, particularly after a meal and I really have no problem with this, but I also don't want to be overwhelmed by it. Fortunately, many cities require that restaurants have separate smoker areas and this does the trick. Do I still catch the occasional whiff? Yes, but an occasional whiff is ok. Likewise, I do not sit next to the bar and complain if I smell a lot of smoke. But when someone smokes in a clearly non-smoker area, that tells me that person really doesn't care about anyone but themselves and their "rights" and thus they get no respect or sympathy from me.

I myself am overweight, although I wish I wasn't. Unfortunately, when I fly, I will be snug to the person next to me, if that seat is taken (this is especially true in older planes). When the plane is full, that is unavoidable. Yet some direct an almost unreasoning hate towards me (or someone like me) for doing so, but none of it towards the airlines who jam as many seats in each plane as possible. Supposedly I have a choice of "not being fat", when I may or may not have that choice. In otherwords, fat people deserve contempt simply for being fat.

To me this is as unacceptable as saying smokers deserve contempt for simply smoking and again glosses over the basic issue of lack of respect and tolerance for each other.

So I would hope that people can just choose to show a little more kindness and understanding in their lives.

We would all get along better if we did.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#2
Fate,

Yours is a thoughtful post on a subject close to my heart: the subject of inconsideration. The abysmal lack of even the most basic manners (manners being, essentially, the foundation of consideration) is prevalent in today's society.

There can be no question that people have become increasingly less tolerant, and in an ironic twist, it seems to have happened in part because of an increased sensitivity in the very matter of tolerance... in other words, people are willing to become offended at the drop of a hat in the name of their 'right' not to be offended. They, in turn, offend the offenders, and the endless loop begins, never to end, it seems.

We're all guilty of it, but as you have so perfectly pointed out, it can be truly painful for many on the receiving end of this ongoing Self-Righteous Indignation Brigade.

Were the solution only as simple as people choosing to be more kind, but how can we hope to rediscover kindness when we haven't figured out the reasons why the habit has become such a stranger?
 
peapod
#3
There is something awful familar about you fate :P
 
JorCON5
#4
I agree with you guys. I too am slightly overweight and strangely I do have a problem about people being overweight. I know I'm diverging here but humanity has moved from societies having Lords and serfs to creating entire societies as Lords. Take North America for instance. People spend a fortune o Lipo, breast enlargement, cosmetic surgery while crying to the world about being fat. 50% of food perchased in the US doesn't get eaten, it gets thrown out. Meanwhile there are thousands of people dying each second because of starvation (not to mention people in our own country). This bothers me. Some people complain about it being a disease. It has a simple solution though....Put the fork down!! I know it...you know it...and we know there are people starving around us and we still consume like parasites. This is truly being inconsiderate. Sure it sucks when someone makes you mad or sad from day to day but it is much better then dying because you were born in a poorer nation and rich (relatively speaking) nations are inconsiderate. I'm not trying to be a jerk here but this issue really bothers me. We are busy sucking the fat out ourselves while people die from malnurishment. It doesn't make any sense. Oh well I'm ranting now so I'll stop. Just think about this before you complain about being annoyed in your tiny global perspective and thank God, Allah, etc. that you and/or your children won't die tonight. I'm just saying we are all hypocrites.

PS I do agree with you guys!!

PSS this i not counting people with physical disorders ie(hypothyroid, etc)
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#5
Jorcons, I think the subject is about intolerance in general, not weight specifically.

To hold such views is everybody's right, the question remains whether it is ever appropriate, in social situations (ie the airplane example) to 'share' those views using barbed and potentially hurtful remarks.
 
peapod
#6
I enjoyed your honest post. I personally feel that it is a constant battle to not believe the image that the media tells us we should look it. We are bombarded with it 24/7.

Personally I feel with weight issues, that it is the one thing you can have control over in your life. So being overweight is a choice. hypothyroid is a favorite reason. If people would simply educate themselves to what the ingredients are in the food they are eating, they would be very surprised at the amount of "bad fat" and empty calories they are taking in. You can loose weight by simply not drinking soda and all the sugary products out there.

People owe it to their childern to teach them about food, its shocking to see fat childern, not because its offensive, but because you never use to see so many childern on there way to serious diseases. Some of these diseases are preventable, simply by diet. These diseases are a burdeon to the health care system, and a unnecessary one, in my opinion.

Myself I have always been attracted to the "odd" people in life, I myself am quite odd. I find them much more richer and interesting. Intellectual pontification bores me to death, but I know it is needed, or so I have heard, me I am more interested in what the cross dresser has to say. There must be a group home or something in this neighbourhood somewhere, there is a group of obviously "different" individuals that come to starbucks. Of course they stand out, they don't dress like the rest of the drones. They don't talk like the rest of the drones, in fact sometimes they just talk to themselves. Its interesting to watch how other people treat them. They are shunned or the butt of jokes. Why? just because they are different. I have come to know a few, how could I not I see them everyday. I am not afraid of them, I enjoy them, they make me laugh and look at life from many different angles and none of them are boring, the angles I mean.

Any of us could be "different" on the turn of a dime.
 
JorCON5
#7
Haggis McBagpipe:

Indeed it is hurtful to be made fun of but my point is to keep things in perspective. Racial, sexual, etc. intolerance should be destroyed but getting upset over snide remarks is a fact of life. It is Naive to think everyone can and will be "nice" to you all the time. What if the guy that was "intolerant" just lost his wife and kids or was just fired. It is unreasonable that people should always be nice to you. Do I think there are a lot of b@st@rds out there? Definitely, modern society is creating people with inept social skills via loss of physical face to face human interaction (phones, computers, etc). Is it going to change? I wouldn't count on it...especially in the cities where everyone is faceless. Can you honestly say that you really care about the random guy next to you? I don't know you but I would guess probably not a whole lot (no offence). Most people tend to be nice because of the fear of confronatation. I agree that people should be nicer to each other but it is a part of human interaction to be rude sometimes.

I guess what I'm ranting about is that there is a time and place for almost everything even "barbed and potentially hurtful remarks". Keeping in perspective, in the grand scheme of things it should not be a big issue...it happens to everybody.

Peapod:
I agree with you entirely.
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by JorCON5

Indeed it is hurtful to be made fun of but my point is to keep things in perspective.

What are the benefits of making fun of another person? I'm curious about that.

Quote:

It is naive to think everyone can and will be "nice" to you all the time.

It isn't a matter of being nice, it is a matter of being civil.

Quote:

It is unreasonable that people should always be nice to you.

Hmm, I rarely encounter rude people, but when I do, I find them the easiest to dismiss or control. They are so dramatic, it is little more than an amusement, really.

I treat people civilly (because I'm not quite sure of the benefits of being otherwise) and as a result, they treat me civilly in return. It is a much nicer way to live one's life. Perhaps in the end it comes down to the kind of people with whom one associates?

Quote:

Can you honestly say that you really care about the random guy next to you? I don't know you but I would guess probably not a whole lot (no offence).

Of course I don't care about the random guy next to me in the sense you probably mean. I like the idea, though, of strangers interacting in a polite way, and I do care about the way I behave. Being rude does not appeal to me, I would not like myself very well if I did it.

Quote:

Most people tend to be nice because of the fear of confronatation.

Speaking for myself, I am far less fearful of confrontation than most. I am never afraid to stand up for myself in any situation, but I don't find any reason to be rude about it. In any confrontation, the very least effective thing a person can do is make personal attacks. To do so makes one the loser, and makes one look rather stupid.

In a confrontation, I use common sense, logic, and civility while the other person either a) responds in kind, in which case we quickly resolve the issue or b) hangs himself by getting emotional and angry, at which point he will eventually storm off in a dither while I walk away with a smile.

Quote:

it is a part of human interaction to be rude sometimes.

We are genetically wired to be rude? I think not. To be rude is a choice, and a rather poor one at that. Rudeness has never solved anything.

Quote:

I guess what I'm ranting about is that there is a time and place for almost everything even "barbed and potentially hurtful remarks".

Such as?

Quote:

Keeping in perspective, in the grand scheme of things it should not be a big issue...it happens to everybody.

Yes, it does happen, and the ones who respond in kind simply show a lack of restraint and a lack of self-confidence, they are not emotionally mature enough to handle the situation in a more intelligent way.
 
JorCON5
#9
"We are genetically wired to be rude? I think not. To be rude is a choice, and a rather poor one at that. Rudeness has never solved anything."

It sounds to me that you are going on a self righteous rant. Are you claiming that you have never been rude to somebody? I am not saying we are hard wired, it is a simple fact of life that at some point people are rude in their interactions. Not everybody is a cold logic machine who constantly spews forth inauthentic niceties or is dismissive of a person who doesn't share your point of view. Doesn't the root of this topic find its creation in the fact that people are rude? Are people that sometimes come off as rude lesser than you? Perhaps you failed to consider their background and upbringing. Are these people barbarians who can not take part in the smug pleasantries that you love smiling about? The fact of the matter is that not everybody you encounter likes you. We are all bound by the fact that currently stalking the streets there are emotionally stunted and intellectually primitive (as you would sure call them) people that don't like us. In fact there people that probably dispise us. If you do not agree with an assumption that you are occasionally rude to people it means you are extremely sheltered or delusional. How can you presume that in your daily travels people don't consider you rude in some way? Even a simple misunderstanding on behalf of the people you see everyday can result in rudeness. So is it therefore unreasonable that other people can be rude? Whether it be by vice or volition being rude is an entirely human trait not an act of only the common folk who "show a lack of restraint and a lack of self-confidence" and who "are not emotionally mature enough to handle the situation in a more intelligent way." In fact I find it rude when people claim to be a beacon of civlity in an ocean of ignorance.
 
peapod
#10
Maybe a good way to look at is, you don't know what has happened in this persons life right now, to make them behave rude. There maybe reasons, and they are not normally rude. It is a rude world tho, but there is also alot of pressure on people for a million different things, and sometimes people release without thinking, the best way to counter act is to come up with a ruder line than the one they gave. This not only make the people around laugh, on occasion the rude person can laugh to. It also allows to fine tune and hone your skill for slaying rude people with your own rude remarks. :P
 
Haggis McBagpipe
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by JorCON5

It sounds to me that you are going on a self righteous rant.

How so? By disagreeing with you, you mean?

Quote:

Are you claiming that you have never been rude to somebody?

No. If I were claiming that, I would have said, "I am *never* rude." However, I did not use the absolute.

Quote:

Not everybody is a cold logic machine who constantly spews forth inauthentic niceties or is dismissive of a person who doesn't share your point of view.

Ah, I see. So, a person who is not rude is a cold logic machine?

Quote:

Perhaps you failed to consider their background and upbringing.

When someone is rude, I rarely run a background check to see if they 'qualify' to be rude.

Quote:

Are these people barbarians who can not take part in the smug pleasantries that you love smiling about?

Why, possibly they are.

Quote:

The fact of the matter is that not everybody you encounter likes you.

Irrelevant. Why would it be deemed necessary to be rude simply because one does not 'like' another?

Quote:

If you do not agree with an assumption that you are occasionally rude to people it means you are extremely sheltered or delusional.

Ah yes, the personal attack. I do not recall saying I have never been rude, I stated that I don't practice rudeness.

Quote:

How can you presume that in your daily travels people don't consider you rude in some way?

Because I am not rude to them.

Quote:

Even a simple misunderstanding on behalf of the people you see everyday can result in rudeness.

A misunderstanding does not rudeness make. If I am very nice to someone but they are in a ranting snit and have decided, for no reason, that I have been rude, does this make me rude? I think not.

Quote:

So is it therefore unreasonable that other people can be rude?

Not at all. People are often rude. That was, in fact, the subject of the thread initially. It is not unreasonable, therefore, to assume that rude people exist. It is unreasonable, however, to be rude.

Quote:

In fact I find it rude when people claim to be a beacon of civlity in an ocean of ignorance.

Really? Why is it rude? Oh wait, are you saying that it is rude not to be rude?
 
Fate
#12
Overweight is not a choice.

I am overweight, it isnt because I like to be. I have dieted, and lost weight, put it back on, there is a myriad of causes. I am aware and understand at a basic level I am overweight because I consume too many calories and do not burn off enough, but it is not so easy to lose weight as to wish to or an effort of will.

I dont feel so much to be an object of hate for being my size, perhaps more an object of fun. To be a big girl, it is natural to be a clown, it is a role I seem to be expected to play and I fall into myself - somehow to be my size, it is hard to be taken seriously in some occasions/places.

People in the street will come up to you and call you "big fella", "big girl" and so... it is insensitive... if someone was bald, no stranger would walk up to them and casually call them "slap head"... but people always seem to feel it is ok, that one would not mind, to tease or make comments about someone's size.
 
peapod
#13
Well yes fate being fat is a choice, its that simple. Unless you have a medical reason for being so, and there are few. If you have dieted alot, well than that is a problem. No one should diet, it creates a yo yo effect on your body, and you will get even fatter. Why not try learning what you are eating, you do not have to strave yourself either. If being fat bothers you so much, than do something about it. It really does not matter what your body looks likes, it won't please everybody anyway, as long as you are healthy and fit, or at least semi-fit.

PS...do not buy diet food, these are the very same people that make you fat.
 
Cosmo
#14
Interesting topic.

I admit I have, on occasion, been called rude. I believe there are times when it is justified and I do think there are times when being rude DOES solve things. If someone is an a**hole and I am forced into their company, you can count on me being impolite.

As a general rule, I treat people in a friendly, respectful way. But if you cut in line in front of me at the grocery store when my blood sugar is low, you're going to get the sharper side of my tongue. If someone is rude to me first they can expect the same in return. I have a mouth like a sewer and more attitude than is strictly good for me at times, and it is in my nature to be rude when it's called for.

As Canadians I think that sometimes we are entirely too polite. That old English influence seems to have a bit of a down side, in my mind. I heard an old saw once about the puritans being kicked out of England and sent here. Sometimes I wonder if it's healthy. As a child I was taught to be polite to the point of absurdity. I would have fared better in my early life if my parents had taught me to stand up for myself as a child. But that's another story.

I do agree, though, there is no reason to needlessly hurt people's feelings and have strong opinions about that. An ex of mine was once rude to a cashier and when we hit the parking lot she got an ear full from me. Her rudeness was uncalled for. I told her I would not be seen in public with her unless she learned some manners. But perhaps I am confusing being mean with being rude.

I guess bottom line is everything in moderation ... including manners.
 
Reverend Blair
#15
Quote:

What are the benefits of making fun of another person? I'm curious about that.

It depends...sometimes it's to make a point, and sometimes it's just because it's funny in a good-natured way. With some people it's to try to silence or discredit somebody. Often it's in retaliation. Mostly it's just to be mean though.

Quote:

Hmm, I rarely encounter rude people,

Come with me, Haggis...they seem to be attracted to me.

Quote:

We are genetically wired to be rude? I think not. To be rude is a choice, and a rather poor one at that. Rudeness has never solved anything.

I think some people likely are wired to be rude...there is little other explanation for their actions. I don't want to get into the nature nurture thing because I don't care whether they were wired that way through their genes or their upbringing. Rudeness has never solved anything though...I can attest to that from the wrong side. Kind of brings us to the "poor choice" issue.

Quote:

Such as?

Is barbed and potentially hurtful the same as being rude?

Quote:

Really? Why is it rude? Oh wait, are you saying that it is rude not to be rude?

I'm thinking that it more likely to be perceived as arrogance. Is it arrogance if the facts bear you out though?

Quote:

Overweight is not a choice.

My mind disagrees, my belly agrees. My gut feelings have kept me out of jail so far though...

There's a whole range issues here from medical to the fact that we are a society of pigs and express that in different ways.

Quote:

I dont feel so much to be an object of hate for being my size, perhaps more an object of fun.

It's a pretty thin line. I went to school, this was grade 7 and 8, with a guy who was obese. He got the hell pounded out of him (usually mentally, but sometimes physically) every damned day. He was a nice kid, no stupider than the rest of us, but he never went on to grade nine. He'd had enough of being treated badly.

Those who abused him would say they didn't hate him, were "just teasing." Obviously he felt differently.

About the dieting thing...I think we're programmed (again, no nature/nurture...it doesn't matter) to eat a certain way. It's really tough to overcome on anything more than a temporary basis.
 
peapod
#16
Well personally I would not want to live in world without barbs and scarcism, that would be a diet of milk toast. Monty pyton is nothing but the best barbs, and scarcism. Most people I know enjoy barbs and scarcism. Its a copping mechanism for the way the world is today. For instances some might find this rude, I don't. Yesterday I was shopping in a music store, when I went to pay for stuff, the nice young cashier said how is your day going? are you done all your christmas shopping? Well I replied look you don't know me from adam, we both know that you could care less about how my day is going, I am sorry you are forced to mutter these drone conversations for the minimum wage. Well this individual got a big grin, actually he looked quite relieved that he could morph out of his drone mask. Than we actually have some fun :P
Personally I find 95 percent of the people I encounter love it! the other five well I don't talk to them, cause I don't like wearing a drone mask. Its fake and people know it.
 
Paranoid Dot Calm
#17
I'm rudely skinny!

I'm 6foot - 1 and a half inches tall ..... and I weigh 155 pounds!

My wife needed to shake the bed sheets just to find me!

I remember the day ..... so clearly.

In my mind .... I was quite content with what I thought was a "plausible" physical structure. It was the summer of 1970 .... Oh! I remember it so well .... I was on a public beach, and sort of shyly parading into the water ..... my wife looked at me with almost a sense of "despair" .... she said "Oh! My Your Skinny".
My own wife! Can yuh handle that, eh?
I mean .... are yuh ready for that, eh?

I never went swimming on a public beach again. It's been more than 40 years!
Oh! One time I went swimming off the shores of Newfoundland, but I couldn't handle all the squigglies on the bottom. Each time I stepped onto sea-weed or whatever ... It felt so ick-ee.
Oceans look good .... that's all.

Skinny people got the same trip that fat people got.

I would never of called my wife "fat" but it was okay for her to call me skinny!

Now .... that was rude.

I gotta real rude story to tell yuh!

Yuh see, me and my twin were born with a hair-lip and cleft palate.
Operations and skin grafts took place as we were babies and they only operated on one of us at a time. So, they would take skin from one of us and graft it to the other because we are identical twins.
Anyways .... I got this scar on my ankle where they took skin to graft to my twins lip. I always tell him that he has been walking around with my foot in his mouth for a lifetime!
However; he since has found a scar on his ***.
Can yuh handle that?


Calm
 
peapod
#18
ehm....well you sound perfectly normal to me...a little boring maybe. :P

"thats so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of our time" John Stuart Mill

Hey calm,
Are you the type of person, when you go to a football game, and the football players huddle, you think they are talking about you :P :P
 
Twila
#19
Quote:

I'm rudely skinny!

I get comments all the time about my skinniness. It weirds me out.

I often say to the person making such dumb comments that if I was fat would they say "my. your soooo fat"?

Worse I find friends who are not as skinny as me feeling the need to explain why they aren't as skinny. I don't pick my friends because of the size of their deriere! I don't care how skinny or unskinny they are and I'm not trying to make them feel uncomfortable because I am. I'd love to gain 10 or 15lbs. It's just not in my realm of possibilities (currently)

Still worser then that is when people ask me how I stay so skinny. Like I have the answer to obesity and I'm not sharing or something!
 

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