discuss your fetish


aupook
#1
First question, comos I am aware that you have a hankering for toes. There is rumor about your shoe collection, and Amelda is getting nervous. Now you must tell us the secret, the erotic secret of your feet. Now don't be shy, this could be a whole new avenue for you. If we play this right, we will shoe saleswomen beating down your door.

More questions, one for each toe. Do you look at other peoples shoes with desire? Have you ever stolen someone elses shoes? Have you ever peed in a shoe? oh oh oh what happens when you sniff a shoe? If you really really like someone will you polish their shoes? Is it true that the largest nerve in your body runs from your big toe to your inner thigh? or are we getting our digits confused. Do your toes have a oral inclination? Do you ever get enough? What is your favorite color of toe polish? and finally who is in control? you or your shoes?
 
Reverend Blair
#2
I can open a beer with a shoe. Spiked heels work best, cowboy boots second best. It used to be an important talent, then somebody invented twist-off caps.
 
aupook
#3
Twist caps work on your eye socket. Just remember to close your eye.
 
Reverend Blair
#4
The man who married my mother's cousin could open a beer with his eye before twist-offs. He had to drink about a dozen first though, and then he always bled all over the place.
 
aupook
#5
Comos you disappoint me, I come and loll at your feet, but nary a carbunkule do I see. As I load my fluffy laundry in the back of peapod's hot crossed buns delivery van. With a heavy heart, but no remorse I must bid you adieu, or has we say in canadian goodday eh? I have one thing to say about starbucks, we went to their christmas drive party, and dropped at least 10dollars a piece, and we must spend a thousand dollars each of us, each year. And out of one piece of cake 2" X 2" they managed to get 16 free samples, lets hope the admin fees for the christmas fund are proportional to that of their free samples. Why do I go to starbucks? I steal my toilet paper there.

Its been a pleasure, never before have so few, recieved so much,
for so little. So in the spirit of the Xmas season, remember our motto, the words we live by, cash, grass or ***, nobody rides for free. ( I guarantee you that this was not written under the influence of a mouldy piece of cheese)
 
galianomama
#6
my goodness, my fetishes are so prim and proper compared to you guys. i love gum boots. red ones, black ones or green ones. love to wear them all the time, if i could. sometimes you feet get smelly in them though, then no one wants to be near them. except people who like smelly feet in gum boots smell. personally, i do.

hey aupook - how about a coffee tonight at the 'usual'? pea should be back and we can talk about ol' times. seven ish at the usual place?
 
Cosmo
#7
Quote: Originally Posted by aupook

First question, comos I am aware that you have a hankering for toes. There is rumor about your shoe collection, and Amelda is getting nervous.

Alas, the rumour is partially true. I admit I am addicted to shoes. Unfortunately, Aupook, you seem to have confused my shoe fetish with a foot fetish ... feet do nothing for me other than provide a place to wear my treasures! Toes are just toes. Shoes, on the other foot, are an obsession.

Quote:

More questions, one for each toe. Do you look at other peoples shoes with desire?

Absolutely. Peapod and I have yelled out the window of the car at a pedestrian, "Nice boots!!" ... and meant it!
Quote:

Have you ever stolen someone elses shoes?

Not stolen, but I have talked people out of their footwear!
Quote:

Have you ever peed in a shoe?

Unfortunately, yes. I have a complete inability to pee outdoors so every time I attempt it I fill my shoes. I sometimes wish I had a fetish for it since it's unavoidable when I'm forced out of civilization.
Quote:

oh oh oh what happens when you sniff a shoe?

Generally I avoid this at all costs. Particularly gumboots (sorry Galianomomma!)
Quote:

If you really really like someone will you polish their shoes?

Not at all. If I like someone, I'll let them polish MY shoes. And, if I really, really like someone, I'll let them wear my shoes.
Quote:

Is it true that the largest nerve in your body runs from your big toe to your inner thigh? or are we getting our digits confused.

Definitely getting confused. The largest nerve runs from the optical organ ... when I go into a really great shoe store it's nirvana.
Quote:

Do your toes have a oral inclination? Do you ever get enough? What is your favorite color of toe polish?

No oral inclination. Haven't figured out how to do ASL with them yet, but am working on it. No, never enough shoes. Although my better half makes me throw away one pair of old footwear for each new pair I purchase. Toe polish? Anything bright.
Quote:

and finally who is in control? you or your shoes?

The shoes. Definitely the shoes. They talk to me. Tell me to do things.

I will start using shots of my shoes as my avatar so others can understand why you would ask me these questions.

BTW ... glad to see you here Aupook! You are completely insane and I look forward to each and every post.
 
peapod
#8
I love your avatar cosmos, I have seen those lethal weapons...and apook, you may now have christmas dinner :P and Flip flops are my shoe of choice.
 
Reverend Blair
#9
My favourite shoes are the animal-clawed slippers that make monster noises when I walk. One has gone missing though and the dog I stole from a junkie is looking oddly satisfied....
 
Cosmo
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by Reverend Blair

My favourite shoes are the animal-clawed slippers that make monster noises when I walk. One has gone missing though and the dog I stole from a junkie is looking oddly satisfied....

I suggest you squeeze his tummy and see if you hear any monster noises. You gotta get a digital camera Rev ... we need pix to to along with all the fashion statements you make!
 
EmmaDibbs
#11
I'm banned from owning more than 6 pairs of shoes at a time!!! I must say I'm surprised none of the Dutch bods have posted on here...I hear they have some odd fetishes!! They certainly have some odd shops over there!
 
aupook
#12
I would not trust a dutchman with my cheese balls, if my life depended on it. Comos I like shoes, but they are so much window dressing, with your feet its all in the rub. Its what is inside the shoe that counts. So grab your pumice stone, and your salves and creams and a set of double D batteries, a large plastic sheet , and as rosemary clooney sang, comea my house, my house, my house, Ima gonna give you candy.
 
Cosmo
#13
Ah, Aupook ... your offer is most tempting since a pedicure would be a delicious treat but I have recently purchased a foot spa in which to immerse my tootsies. No need for the plastic sheet any longer. Well, at least not for feet

I am shallow, a surface kind of girl. I am more interested in the window dressing when it comes to this issue. My fetishes lie somewhere north of the feet.

So I see you are at the Pod's dwelling. It is a treat to follow you around the forum reading your posts. You are prolific! And just as irreverent and delightful as you are in person.

EmmaDibbs ... you poor, poor, deprived woman! Only 6 pairs??? Who is the tyrant who has set down such unreasonable laws? It would certainly cause a revolt in my home! My spouse asks only that I line them up neatly rather than my usual practice of kicking them off wherever I happen to be in the house, but she has given up trying to limit my shoe purchasing.

Well, I'm off to follow Aupook around and see what pearls of wisdom he is doling out today.
 
EmmaDibbs
#14
My Hubby denies me- says there's not enough room in the house!! There seems to be enough room for four guitars in the house though!
 
aupook
#15
Comos I took my computer out of the box, I plugged it in, and I said talk to me. I waited weeks, still nothing. I said all the magic words, I said please, I said I don't care, I said I could trade you in for a X box, I even got out my chatty cathy doll and pulled her string, nothing....nothing....My relationship with my computer is begining to resemble my relationship with my x wife. I heard it expressed in a song once. I hear you knocking, but you can't come in.
Peapod tells that you can fix my problem and than I will in turn fix your little red wagon, but good. I have to make a decision, I have to go to my mothers, a saint you know. I am only allowed entry into peapods pad while is away in her coffin for the day, I gotta scurry, dusk is approaching and I will soon lose my human form. And than "She" will appear.
 
Cosmo
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by aupook

Comos I took my computer out of the box, I plugged it in, and I said talk to me. I waited weeks, still nothing. I said all the magic words, I said please, I said I don't care, I said I could trade you in for a X box, I even got out my chatty cathy doll and pulled her string, nothing....nothing....My relationship with my computer is begining to resemble my relationship with my x wife. I heard it expressed in a song once. I hear you knocking, but you can't come in.
Peapod tells that you can fix my problem and than I will in turn fix your little red wagon, but good. I have to make a decision, I have to go to my mothers, a saint you know. I am only allowed entry into peapods pad while is away in her coffin for the day, I gotta scurry, dusk is approaching and I will soon lose my human form. And than "She" will appear.

Aupook, you just gotta know how to talk to them. Sometimes brandishing a hammer seems to help. But if you phone me and tell me what the problem is, I will do my best to assist. As for the red wagon, it's already in fine shape, but think you could do something about my insane dog? Short of taxidermy that is ....

If all else fails, I do have a laptop you can borrow until you get your mechanical x-wife to operate properly. I look forward to your posts here and will do all in my power to get you into the 21st century.

I do hope your non-human form comes equipped with enough digits to allow you to continue to use a keyboard. I'm sure we won't notice any real difference in content, tho.
 

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