I've been sober since 5:45 this morning


Locutus
+4
#1  Top Rated Post
Well, it's true. In the 'One Day at a Time' vernacular anyway.

You're only as good as your last game, victory, as good as your last failure, your last movie review, your last election result or your last employee evaluation. Lottsa mumbo jumbo about that sorta thing.

That's not to minimize the reality of not drinking to get drunk for the past 28 years. That was my M.O. for a brief 15 year run at the bottle. Oh sure, not every day and not each and every time but the thought was there. To achieve the level of distraction, escape or pain management that a 'good drunk' had maybe given me once upon a time. Like chasing the crack high I imagine.

Of course I didn't like being hungover, shaky, paranoid, late for something, embarrassed or shamed or whatever. Who would. But maybe this time, it wouldn't happen. It could be nice and mellow, happy, care free. Nope. That's for other people, but just not me. I'm over it now. I don't feel cheated that I can't sip away or tie one on with others. I'm not missing out. I'm different is all.

Social drinking was something I rarely achieved. I sought to do it but nope.

Regardless, what lurks in my thoughts, my brain, will always be there. It just doesn't seem to burden me as much as the darker scarier days. And the shame, regret, remorse and humiliation of putting my family through another drunken episode and maybe another recovery, bothers me. Being alone is a nasty place.

I know that actions made, decisions and words spoken while drunk are always partially stored in my memory. Sure I lost a few days, the odd weekend but mostly, they are there. A player, a rounder, an actor.

It's easier to come clean and admit a 'slip' to total strangers or maybe through a spokesperson but when it comes to having to do it to those closest to you, it hurts, a lot. What will they think this time? Will there be forgiveness. Will they help enable me again. It's harder to admit you have a problem (and still have it) to those you love or those that love you.

Will it break my mom's heart, lose my family's faith in me.

It's better to try and be a good person, a better person than yesterday. Try to live without regret and imaginary expectations of others. Sounds stupid to a lot of people. But it's true.

I'm just rambling for a bit, but I'm quite sure that some of these thoughts enter the addicts mind and their quiet or chaotic thoughts regardless of their money, power or prestige.

Musicians, comedians, poets, warriors, astronauts, dirt-poor folk, cops, therapists, moms and dads, brothers and sisters. Don't matter much what you say you do or who people think you are when you're an alcoholic or someone with that personality.

I've known two people that killed themselves after becoming sober. Neither told me they were considering that option. Not that I'm special, they just never made a peep. Must have been hurting badly inside though. The immense fear, dread, humiliation, the perceived failure and hopelessness. That's a sh!tty deal. Maybe they call it depression, maybe it is. I don't know. Suicide may be painless but what leads to it ain't.

Not sure what was still bugging Robin Williams.

I sure don't have many answers. Just my experience and those shared with me by others.

Anyway, now it's 9:30 and that's almost 4 hours today. Not too bad a start.

I only started nattering about this because I wondered what could possibly be going on in the mind of a very wealthy and (once) very successful entertainer with more possessions than I'll ever have. Oh well, it turned out as it turned out and so did my ramble.
 
MHz
#2
You don't have to be old and such to decide this life is a waste of time and skin. Grief is something the living experience. Happy trails for those that choose to book out early, more to follow shortly. Try for the suicide that isn't two bullets to the back of the head.

Quote: Originally Posted by LocutusView Post

Social drinking was something I rarely achieved. I sought to do it but nope.

I drank light beer at 'my usual table' one night. There was a reason I never did it again. About midnight I could still remember everything and the table was full of some very strange people, not the kind where you would want to be the least drunk by any means. They mostly all died off by the time they were 40.
 
Locutus
#3
Quote: Originally Posted by MHzView Post

You don't have to be old and such to decide this life is a waste of time and skin. Grief is something the living experience. Happy trails for those that choose to book out early, more to follow shortly. Try for the suicide that isn't two bullets to the back of the head.


I drank light beer at 'my usual table' one night. There was a reason I never did it again. About midnight I could still remember everything and the table was full of some very strange people, not the kind where you would want to be the least drunk by any means. They mostly all died off by the time they were 40.

My forte is social all-you-can-eat buffet...especially at the the mandarinrestaurant (external - login to view).
 
SLM
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by LocutusView Post


Not sure what was still bugging Robin Williams.

I sure don't have many answers. Just my experience and those shared with me by others.

Anyway, now it's 9:30 and that's almost 4 hours today. Not too bad a start.

I only started nattering about this because I wondered what could possibly be going on in the mind of a very wealthy and (once) very successful entertainer with more possessions than I'll ever have. Oh well, it turned out as it turned out and so did my ramble.

I think some people use the ability to make others laugh, to entertain them, the same way as some alcoholics use the bottle....to stuff the misery way deep down inside and pretend for few fleeting hours that it isn't there. There is a euphoric high that can come from giving joy to others in that way, I can see where that in itself can be addicting. But like all addictions it's ultimately a dead end street.

The tears of a clown.
 
gopher
+1
#5
Yoga is the best way to alleviate drinking problems because it reduces stress and gives you energy - give it a try!
 
Twila
+2
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by LocutusView Post


I only started nattering about this because I wondered what could possibly be going on in the mind of a very wealthy and (once) very successful entertainer with more possessions than I'll ever have. Oh well, it turned out as it turned out and so did my ramble.

Depression and the misery it brings blind you to the good things in your life, the success and the acheivements.

The blindness might be a side effect of being amibitious. You are unable to enjoy what you've worked for and are always seeking the next "success". Sounds alot like chasing the first high, eh?

City living, trying to keep up with the Joneses, your success as a human being rated by the clothes on your back, the car you drive, the size and location of your house are going to leave you feeling lack lustre.

It's why I hike, camp and backpack. Nature is a cure for nearly everything and it's impossible to feel angry or sad when you are surrounded by moving forward through green trees and naturally scented air.
 
damngrumpy
#7
Depression and the darkness of addiction are not respecter's of persons.
Rich, poor, alone or family oriented makes no difference. Its not that the
life hands you the card of affliction its how you deal with the hand your dealt.
So many say its mine addition and no one else is harmed and that is wrong.
I am willing to bet that every person has a family member or a friend that is
is in some way affected. This has a vent on friends and family and it drags
everyone into the abyss.
We can't do anything about the past but we can bring improvement to the present
and the future.
Essentially in order to bring real achievement we must truly make the future the
present and deal with the issues at hand.
The sad reality is the person suffering from depression or addiction must be ready
to reach out when they do be there
 
lone wolf
+1
#8
The saddest reality is that call for help too often gets put on hold
 
Twila
+1
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

The saddest reality is that call for help too often gets put on hold

also, asking for help makes you vulnerable to perceived ridicule, pity and shame. If you're battling these demons already you would not willingly invite them over. If your personality is such that you suffer loneliness, then you already have issues bringing people into your inner sanctum.

Asking for help is near impossible for people with certain types of personalities. Especially introverts. We have issues letting people in to begin with. To be in such a mind f&ck as depression, how can one trust the opinions of another and accept that help?
 
Nuggler
+2
#10
Hang in there Loc.

they say one day at a time and they're right.

Sometimes, when watching Robin Williams, I thought that there might just be some little thing askew there.

A comedic genius, yep.
A good man, so I've heard.
Had some issues he couldn't handle.

And that's why no one should ever shrink from asking for help if they need it. (no pun intended)
 
MHz
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

The saddest reality is that call for help too often gets put on hold

Sorry, my nails were drying, what's the issue?
 
Tecumsehsbones
+1
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by gopherView Post

Yoga is the best way to alleviate drinking problems because it reduces stress and gives you energy - give it a try!

I also find that drinking is the best way to alleviate yoga problems.
 
IdRatherBeSkiing
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by TecumsehsbonesView Post

I also find that drinking is the best way to alleviate yoga problems.

Is there a reason the two activities can't be combined?
 
B00Mer
#14

Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey - YouTube

 
Tecumsehsbones
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by IdRatherBeSkiingView Post

Is there a reason the two activities can't be combined?

Wouldn't know. I'm a teetotaller. I never touch yoga.
 
Twila
+1
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by IdRatherBeSkiingView Post

Is there a reason the two activities can't be combined?

it has. They call it Irish Yoga

 
Locutus
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by NugglerView Post

Hang in there Loc.

they say one day at a time and they're right.

Sometimes, when watching Robin Williams, I thought that there might just be some little thing askew there.

A comedic genius, yep.
A good man, so I've heard.
Had some issues he couldn't handle.

And that's why no one should ever shrink from asking for help if they need it. (no pun intended)

Yeah, you get that sense about some of these celebrities...as others mentioned, Carrey won't be a surprise if I hear his 'news'...that bearded limey wanker russel is another...then again ya gots Don Rickles and the late Jonathan Winters...both funny as fuk but appear quite stable...ya never can tell.
 
lone wolf
+1
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by MHzView Post

Sorry, my nails were drying, what's the issue?

Gee-zuzz.... Rothschild Agents and those of Kaos lurking around any corner an' yer takin' the time to get yer fingernails done?

Might as well be a pretty corpse, huh?
 
BaalsTears
+2
#19
Drink and dope are ways of escaping the demons we bear along with us. Those were vehicles I used to transport myself for many years. But there are other ways of creating a separate demonless reality. A long and difficult hike through a forest, woodland, or along the beach permits one to get in tune with the rhythms of nature, and experience a type of euphoria that comes from prolonged physical exertion. Start with small hikes and build endurance. Keep challenging yourself. Before long you fly along a trail, sweating, lost in reverie, experiencing physical pleasure triggered by physics, chemistry and the perception of beauty.
 
eh1eh
+1
#20
Just quit drinking last month.
 
lone wolf
#21
I quit a few years ago on the GI (the gastric thing) Plan.

Every day's a first day
 
darkbeaver
+2
#22
I quit both my habits frequently.
 
MHz
+2
#23
Quote: Originally Posted by lone wolfView Post

Gee-zuzz.... Rothschild Agents and those of Kaos lurking around any corner an' yer takin' the time to get yer fingernails done?

Might as well be a pretty corpse, huh?

The nails are on a dog, do you expect her to trim and paint them herself or that a sad day would make them stop growing. You should see the amount of time I put some people on hold for. whoops, Mom, . . ., damn 3rd time this weeks. Okay I'm all yours for the next, . . . ,just a sec, . . .

Quote: Originally Posted by darkbeaverView Post

I quit both my habits frequently.

Any certain time of the month to get behind the wagon?
 
SLM
+1
#24
What's with all you quitters? Geez, nobody sticks things out anymore.

 
MHz
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by TwilaView Post

it has. They call it Irish Yoga

Peers these buckaroos are relaxed enough to survive the bullride. 'Strap-on' seems like the wrong term a bulls name by any other is just as bad but the result will be the same and the crowd will have a reason to say, 'That's gotta hurt.' At least the next morning, or a week later, that bad is a term that applies to all bulls.
 
Tecumsehsbones
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by TwilaView Post

it has. They call it Irish Yoga

Racist.
 
MHz
+2
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by SLMView Post

What's with all you quitters? Geez, nobody sticks things out anymore.

Let me guess, you come from a long line of folks to whom fear and good sense were just words in a book or three.
 
SLM
+2
#28
Quote: Originally Posted by MHzView Post

Let me guess, you come from a long line of folks to whom fear and good sense were just words in a book or three.

Don't turn this around on me just because some people have commitment issues.
 
Tecumsehsbones
+1
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by MHzView Post

Let me guess, you come from a long line of folks to whom fear and good sense were just words in a book or three.

Whudda y'all mean, "books," you toe-dancin' nancy boy?
 
SLM
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by TecumsehsbonesView Post

Whudda y'all mean, "books," you toe-dancin' nancy boy?

It's those things you put under the good sofa when one of the legs falls off.
 

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