Girlfriend just lost her Mother

[Chiliagon]

Been dating for almost 11 months, we are very close, very in love and have plans together.

On Christmas Day she lost her mother after 20 days with problems due to surgery.

I'm not one who's had experience losing a family member and I'm not really sure what do do or say really.

Any sort of advice would be really helpful and appreciated.

 

[spaminator]

Been dating for almost 11 months, we are very close, very in love and have plans together.

On Christmas Day she lost her mother after 20 days with problems due to surgery.

I'm not one who's had experience losing a family member and I'm not really sure what do do or say really.

Any sort of advice would be really helpful and appreciated.

 

[damngrumpy]

First of all make sure that the person understands you have their best interests at heart.
Get them involved with the arrangements for the funeral and if possible make sure there
is one. Funerals are not for the person who passed they allow those who are alive to
say a final goodbye.
I remember when my mother passed we had the arrangements made and finalized by
two the afternoon she died. It gave everyone a part to play and be involved, being
involved brings people together.
Don't be afraid to talk about the funny things you remember, it brings out the best and
allows people to dwell on all aspects of the persons life. yes it is a sad time and that is
a given but it does not define the deceased a celebration of life does.
I have had a lot of experience with this sort of thing with family on both sides and it can
be difficult but one has to keep reality about it and allow people to mourn and to appreciative
of the person who is gone and that is presenting a well rounded goodbye that includes tears
and laughs.

 

[spaminator]

Been dating for almost 11 months, we are very close, very in love and have plans together.

On Christmas Day she lost her mother after 20 days with problems due to surgery.

I'm not one who's had experience losing a family member and I'm not really sure what do do or say really.

Any sort of advice would be really helpful and appreciated.

a tribute video could be produced.

 

[damngrumpy]

I don't know how old you might be but here is something we are doing in our family.
We are asking the older ones, and I am one of those, to record family history and
some of the stories of our younger days and pass those down as a measure of
family history for the future.
My Aunt for example put a lot of material on cassette tapes she knew how to operate
a machine and record. She passed at 94 but we have stories that go back to the turn
of the last century. It's amazing what you can learn. Get someone in her family who
knows some of the stories and history and get them to record it. You can put the
recording on a small memory stick for immediate family and they all take a few memories
with them

 

[petros]

Just be you!

 

[SLM]

Been dating for almost 11 months, we are very close, very in love and have plans together.

On Christmas Day she lost her mother after 20 days with problems due to surgery.

I'm not one who's had experience losing a family member and I'm not really sure what do do or say really.

Any sort of advice would be really helpful and appreciated.

First of all my condolences. What a sad and sorrowful Christmas it must have been for the both of you.

Secondly, no one knows what to say or do exactly, we all grieve and we all do so in our own ways. Likewise I think we all support those around us who are grieving in our own way too. You just have to be there for her, if you don't know what she needs in the moment, just ask her. If you're not sure how to verbally express your sympathies, say that. An honest admission of the intent of sympathy will mean much more than the most artfully crafted expression.

Lastly, it's been my experience that in the days following the death of a loved one, there can be so much going on that grief can often get postponed. Often times until much later. And people can feel really reluctant to open up about their grief after so much time has passed, but this can be when they need the most support. So just be aware that she might need to vent, cry, or talk about it in a few months time as well, maybe even more than she does now.

My sympathies to both of you.

 

[Nuggler]

Very sorry to hear that, Chillagon. Definitely hard, specially at this time of year.

Petros said "just be you". Best advice.

 

[Sal]

Just be there for her. You don't even have to say anything if you don't know what to say. You don't have to do anything either. Just keep loving her and the rest will fall together.

 

[DaSleeper]

Just be there for her. You don't even have to say anything if you don't know what to say. You don't have to do anything either. Just keep loving her and the rest will fall together.

What she said!

 

[Locutus]

What they said. ^

And hiya Sal. :smile:

 

[taxslave]

If you can try and take care of the simple things for the family. Take care of the animals make sure the garbage is taken out, shovel snow and just be there.

 

[Chiliagon]

If you can try and take care of the simple things for the family. Take care of the animals make sure the garbage is taken out, shovel snow and just be there.

it can be hard when the house is 50 mins away. I wish I could have been more helpful around here but it just didn't work out. my duty will come once she is back home.

 

[L Gilbert]

I'm in agreement with Grumpy.
Sorry for your and your gf's loss.