[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]My Mid-Morning Meditation[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Friday, March 16, 2007[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Friday, March 16, 2007[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]As I sit here, drinking my hot Chai tea and eating my garden salad, I contemplate my walk this morning.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]It started off as the usual stroll through the woods – to release a bit of school stress and to enjoy the sounds and smells of early spring. I began at the bottom of the hills, from the entrance by the road just up the street from my house. The woods are dark and damp this morning – there are heavy clouds in the sky and the entire city is blanketed by a thick covering of silver fog. I briskly walk through the woods, saying hello to the few passerby but otherwise minding my own business, until I come across my usual meditation spot. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I climb down the bank and sit down and look around the cedar grove before me. I am on a small mound just above the big roots of the tall cedar tree I am leaning against. Overhead the canopy is thick and very little daylight peaks through – it is perpetually twilight down here. Mere inches from my feet is the constant stream that feeds these green giants, it's twirls and eddies fascinate me for a few moments. I contemplate my future. As I look into the crystal clear water my mind swirls with ideas and opinions, my soul churns with yearning for the unknown. Where will I be in a few years time? What will happen to me and my ideas? Will my ideals change, will my beliefs change, will my soul change? A moments silence, and then a sigh. Yes, of course I will change. Everyday I make new experiences, I learn new things, and I am constantly changing. There is no avoiding the change that is inevitable, there is only the ability to make that change good, no matter what it may be. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I hear a sudden voice behind me, then another. There are people approaching my hiding place, I must leave. I quickly get up, gather my jacket and head up the hill. I think more of my future, of the things I fear and the worries I keep. What of Devin? Will we ever be together again, will he ever learn to trust me? Will I ever learn to trust another man after him? Does it matter? Can I move on and focus on something else? Why can I not think of something else?? These thoughts occupy my mind until I come to the crossroads. A pathway leading to the left, the right, and above me. Behind me is the path I have just travelled. Out of habit I turn to the right and continue my predicted journey through this forest. I always travel the same paths, sometimes in different order, but I never seem to deviate from them – I know them well, and they know me.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I walk on, my thoughts still dark, until something happens inside me that I can't explain with words. It's as if the forest itself jumps on me and forces me to think of something else. I hear the forest urging me – up the hill! Go up the hill! Follow the trail up! Go up the hill! As if I have a choice, I obey and follow my feet up the rocky knoll. I pass by the old oak tree somebody planted decades ago and never bothered to care for, the old oak tree that looks so misplaced amongst the tall cedars, arbutus trees and wild holly. I touch its trunk and again feel that strange urge – up the hill! It orders me. I go. I struggle to get a good grip on the rocks, but once I find my footing I begin my climb. Immediately the dark thoughts fly from my mind, and I'm entranced by the thoughts of the NOW, the thoughts of who I am NOW, what I have done to bring myself to this place, here and NOW. I cannot think of anything else, not the hunger from my missed breakfast, nor the thirst from climbing, nor the rain pelting my face making my eyes hurt. I think only of who I am now and what I have done to bring myself here, and where the now is leading me.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I can feel the hot tears gliding down my face and doing a little dance before falling to the moss-covered rock. I keep climbing, not knowing when I'll stop or where – not caring. I keep following the forests voice, trusting the trees and the wind to know where to place me. Eventually I come to a stop, the voices have gone silent – I stumble to the ground and look around me. I am on the highest peak in this end of the forest – I rarely come up here, the climb is hard and difficult – few tread up here.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I am visited by an old friend I have not spoken with in many many months. The goddess appears before me as the wind, speaking to me in her whispy voice. She tells me to think of where I am, of who I am and what I've done. I look into my soul and I am surprised. Before this moment I had thought only of the past and the future, I had dwelled on what happened and what will happen, not what is happening. I begin to focus on my current situation in life. I am in school, and even though I'm not positive as to what I want to do in my life, I have taken a step and have applied for the Physics program. This is a step towards my future, whatever that may be. I am single, and that has given me the power to focus on what is happening now in my life – the power to focus on my schooling. I breathe a sigh in relief and thank the earth for her wonderful insight – finally some freedom from my dark thoughts. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I touch the moss on which I am sitting and gaze out at the mist-covered trees. I contemplate the existance of the Goddess. Many critical thinkers will believe there is no divine spirit, they will think that only the weak believe in such things. I remember something – soemthing I read on a forum not too long ago – oh yes, I remember. The idea that we, humans, are not seperate from the Earth, like a disease. No, we are a part of her – we are her brain. Even though seperately we are individuals, as a whole we represent her thoughts and ideas, her love and compassion, her fear and despair. Some of us may think we are detached and seperate, each of us existing on our own. Yes, this is true – but I cannot doubt there is a connection between us all. There is something that binds us, the human race and all things living, together. She is not seperate from us, she IS us. When we ask the Goddess for help, we ask ourselves for help. We seek the inner knowledge of change and we harness it. It's true, it is all in my mind – but the mind is the most powerful tool I have, the most powerful tool we humans possess, and I will never give it up.[/FONT]
