I'm apparently under investigation. I don't know exactly what I'm under investigation for, but I hear it has something to do with a girl. Exactly how it has something to do with a girl remains a mystery to me.
I do know that I've never been interested in girls. I also know that I'm not looking for a girl. And, I know that I'm not doing anything to try to get a girl. So you can see how this "alleged" investigation has me perplexed. Hell, I spend more time scratching my head than scratching my balls... Which I'm told is typical of males. (???)
Anyway, aside from being clueless as to what I'm being investigated for, I'm also having some difficulty in understanding the process by which this investigation is being conducted. So far I have been able to discern the following:
1) I am allegedly under investigation. That's important. I'm not being stalked or harassed. I'm being investigated. This distinction between stalking and investigating is apparently all that is necessary to make an otherwise criminal activity legitimate... Or so they tell me.
2) It's about a girl. That's also important, I hear. Apparently it has something to do with a girl from the past. Exactly whose past this girl hails from continues to confuse my apparently simple mind. More of a mystery, is how this girl has anything to to with me.
3) They have the evidence. I've been hearing for more than six years now that they have the evidence and that the evidence is abundant. I'm hearing that it's a prima facie case and that there is no valid defense for this alleged wrongdoing. Again, I do not know what this alleged wrongdoing was.
4) They're not yet ready to make an arrest or to proceed with a trial. This has me befuddled too. I'm confused as hell about this. I would have thought that the next logical step in a prima facie investigation would be to make the arrest and proceed with the prosecution. I fail to understand how the substantial evidence is not being used to effect this.
That's what I've managed to piece together so far. I'm excited that the investigation will be drawing to a close this year. Hell, I'm elated that I will finally get my day in court. I will finally find out what exactly it was that I did. I will finally find out who this girl was. I will finally find out what this evidence is. I will finally walk out of the courtroom a happy man. Secure in the knowledge that the millions... nay, billions, are calling my name.
Although I have learned some interesting things about the judicial process throughout all of this. Let me give you a few examples:
1) The police apparently don't have to keep their investigations hush hush. I've learned that they can tell everyone that a person is accused of something and being investigated. This is apparently common practice.
2) The police can make as many allegations against a person as they bloody well wish until they find something that sticks. I used to think that this sort of thing would be deemed malicious prosecution... Apparently not.
3) I've learned that I will remain under investigation until they are sure that I have done something wrong. I used to think that you had to do something wrong before you were investigated. Little did I know.
4) I've learned that the police can lie about the crimes they've committed and can conceal their crimes behind an "alleged investigation." Apparently police officers are not accountable to anyone while they're conducting an investigation.
5) I've learned that police officers can spend decades conducting the investigation if that's how long it takes for the statute of limitations to expire on the crimes that they have committed. Only then, can they proceed with a trial.
6) I've learned that law enforcement is the biggest snowjob on the planet.
I'm one smart cookie, huh? I learned a lot over the last seven years. Now I just have to take what I've learned and turn it into cold hard cash.
Oh, one other thing, if I have done something wrong, it's probably something that will get me a five hundred dollar fine... By comparison, the crimes perpetrated by the "investigators" will probably net them 20 years in the federal penitentiary. Just doesn't seem right, does it? Though it probably goes a long way in explaining why they're not eager to take this matter to trial.