Steve and Steve, and Jack and Gilles
(A nice summary of the Federal Election Campaign so far...)
http://www.canada.com/reginaleaderp....html?id=7f1f50b2-8cfd-4148-aede-05e8ff07e82b
Steve and Steve, and Jack and Gilles
Ron Petrie, The Leader-Post
Published: Saturday, October 11, 2008
Anybody who has faithfully followed the Steve and Steve Show for the past few weeks will know that the final voting by viewers takes place Tuesday, at which time a winner will be declared.
And by "anybody," I, of course, mean:
Anybody?
(Silence, save for the rustle of leaves in the autumn prairie breeze and the forlorn honk of Canada geese flying south.)
OK. So it would seem a recap of the federal election campaign is in order today, for public guidance in making an informed exercise of the franchise Tuesday.
THE 2008 BIANNUAL FEDERAL ELECTION
(Being a handy clip-and-save synopsis to take to the polls)
Setting the general campaign tone (ennui) right off the start was the first Steve (that would be your Stephen Steve, as opposed to the en francais Steve, as required under the Official Languages Act, your Stephane Steve). Appearing in the most boring garment ever conceived by the male fashion industry, the pullover sweater vest, Stephen Steve (Harper) confessed to the production crew of his first TV commercial that he loves Canada, goshdarnit, as the cameras were running. Possibly the bright studio lights got to Stephen, in that sweater, and he cracked. Not to be outdone, Stephane Steve (Dion) admitted that that he, too, loves Canada, except maybe for one eensy-teensy aspect, a niggling detail, really, which was that the country's home planet, Earth, was beginning to suck, environmentally. To eliminate Earth's environmental suckitude, Stéphane Steve unveiled his centrepiece campaign strategy: more federal taxes.
Canadians were still scratching the heads over THAT one when the scandals broke out.
Followed by the apologies.
The campaign took several sorry turns. Stephen Steve said sorry for having a cartoon bird in a cartoon Web site poop on a cartoon Stephane Steve. Stephane Steve apologized for a candidate in his party who compared Stephen Steve to Adolf Hitler. One of Stephen Steve's guys took back a bad joke about bad salami. And so on. Every time the election produced even the faintest hope of something -- anything -- remotely interesting, one of the Steves would beg forgiveness for the inadvertent modicum of excitement and steer the campaign back to its intended level of discourse (dull). At one point, a supporting cast member of the Steve and Steve snorefest, another aspiring prime minister, Elizabeth (May), in her party's call for the decriminalization of marijuana, actually apologized for not having ever smoked pot. Never. Whatever.
Speaking of third, fourth and fifth party leaders, of those who, like Elizabeth, would someday like to secure their own Parliamentary Steve status but who have no hope whatsoever, we would remiss by not making some mention (likewise in full accordance with the Official Languages Act, of another pair from up the Hill):
Jack and Gilles.
Jack (Layton) loves Canada. His comprehensive strategy, as seen on TV, for making the country even more lovable is to stop a cartoon Stephen Steve from placing a large cartoon sack of money on a cartoon board table to the cheers of cartoon corporate fat cats and instead have his own cartoon self, Jack, plunk the cartoon money sack on the cartoon kitchen table of a cheering everyday cartoon Canadian family.
Gilles (Duceppe) thinks Canada sucks.
Pretty much every Canadian had forgotten entirely about the federal election when suddenly, on Oct. 3, 2:31 p.m., everything changed. Just like that, the planet stop sucking so much environmentally and instead started sucking economically -- and big time, hoo-doggie. By then Stephane Steve was assuring voters that his centrepiece campaign plan for saving the planet through Canadian taxes was mostly idle talk by reporters. The press corp said, OK, fine, be like that, Stephane Steve, and turned its attention instead to Stephen Steve, asking what he would do to save the Earth economically. Stephen Steve said no new federal taxes, that is for sure.
Finally, with only a week to go, the campaign escalated to a new record level of lethargy, despite heroic last-minute efforts by both Steves to inject some sizzle, some razzamatazz, into the election through personal attempts to crack smiles. Doctors say the corrective facial operations will be simple day surgeries.
And now, after all is said, all is done and all is apologized, the Steve and Steve Show takes its leave. In the final hours before the polls open Tuesday morning, Canadians from coast to coast are left to consider their options this weekend and make their choice:
White meat? Or dark?
Which still leaves us with Steve and Steve, Jack and Gilles, and Elizabeth, too. Good luck with that. Happy Thanksgiving. And happy voting.
(A nice summary of the Federal Election Campaign so far...)
http://www.canada.com/reginaleaderp....html?id=7f1f50b2-8cfd-4148-aede-05e8ff07e82b
Steve and Steve, and Jack and Gilles
Ron Petrie, The Leader-Post
Published: Saturday, October 11, 2008
Anybody who has faithfully followed the Steve and Steve Show for the past few weeks will know that the final voting by viewers takes place Tuesday, at which time a winner will be declared.
And by "anybody," I, of course, mean:
Anybody?
(Silence, save for the rustle of leaves in the autumn prairie breeze and the forlorn honk of Canada geese flying south.)
OK. So it would seem a recap of the federal election campaign is in order today, for public guidance in making an informed exercise of the franchise Tuesday.
THE 2008 BIANNUAL FEDERAL ELECTION
(Being a handy clip-and-save synopsis to take to the polls)
Setting the general campaign tone (ennui) right off the start was the first Steve (that would be your Stephen Steve, as opposed to the en francais Steve, as required under the Official Languages Act, your Stephane Steve). Appearing in the most boring garment ever conceived by the male fashion industry, the pullover sweater vest, Stephen Steve (Harper) confessed to the production crew of his first TV commercial that he loves Canada, goshdarnit, as the cameras were running. Possibly the bright studio lights got to Stephen, in that sweater, and he cracked. Not to be outdone, Stephane Steve (Dion) admitted that that he, too, loves Canada, except maybe for one eensy-teensy aspect, a niggling detail, really, which was that the country's home planet, Earth, was beginning to suck, environmentally. To eliminate Earth's environmental suckitude, Stéphane Steve unveiled his centrepiece campaign strategy: more federal taxes.
Canadians were still scratching the heads over THAT one when the scandals broke out.
Followed by the apologies.
The campaign took several sorry turns. Stephen Steve said sorry for having a cartoon bird in a cartoon Web site poop on a cartoon Stephane Steve. Stephane Steve apologized for a candidate in his party who compared Stephen Steve to Adolf Hitler. One of Stephen Steve's guys took back a bad joke about bad salami. And so on. Every time the election produced even the faintest hope of something -- anything -- remotely interesting, one of the Steves would beg forgiveness for the inadvertent modicum of excitement and steer the campaign back to its intended level of discourse (dull). At one point, a supporting cast member of the Steve and Steve snorefest, another aspiring prime minister, Elizabeth (May), in her party's call for the decriminalization of marijuana, actually apologized for not having ever smoked pot. Never. Whatever.
Speaking of third, fourth and fifth party leaders, of those who, like Elizabeth, would someday like to secure their own Parliamentary Steve status but who have no hope whatsoever, we would remiss by not making some mention (likewise in full accordance with the Official Languages Act, of another pair from up the Hill):
Jack and Gilles.
Jack (Layton) loves Canada. His comprehensive strategy, as seen on TV, for making the country even more lovable is to stop a cartoon Stephen Steve from placing a large cartoon sack of money on a cartoon board table to the cheers of cartoon corporate fat cats and instead have his own cartoon self, Jack, plunk the cartoon money sack on the cartoon kitchen table of a cheering everyday cartoon Canadian family.
Gilles (Duceppe) thinks Canada sucks.
Pretty much every Canadian had forgotten entirely about the federal election when suddenly, on Oct. 3, 2:31 p.m., everything changed. Just like that, the planet stop sucking so much environmentally and instead started sucking economically -- and big time, hoo-doggie. By then Stephane Steve was assuring voters that his centrepiece campaign plan for saving the planet through Canadian taxes was mostly idle talk by reporters. The press corp said, OK, fine, be like that, Stephane Steve, and turned its attention instead to Stephen Steve, asking what he would do to save the Earth economically. Stephen Steve said no new federal taxes, that is for sure.
Finally, with only a week to go, the campaign escalated to a new record level of lethargy, despite heroic last-minute efforts by both Steves to inject some sizzle, some razzamatazz, into the election through personal attempts to crack smiles. Doctors say the corrective facial operations will be simple day surgeries.
And now, after all is said, all is done and all is apologized, the Steve and Steve Show takes its leave. In the final hours before the polls open Tuesday morning, Canadians from coast to coast are left to consider their options this weekend and make their choice:
White meat? Or dark?
Which still leaves us with Steve and Steve, Jack and Gilles, and Elizabeth, too. Good luck with that. Happy Thanksgiving. And happy voting.
