I'm sure many of us have a Father who can be very stubborn at times..
mine showed his form last night while trying to discuss travelling issues for a wedding that's occuring next weekend down in Lethbridge, AB.
originally, there was an agreement made that I would be driving me and my girl down in my vehicle and my mother and brother would be following in us in a 2nd vehicle.
now the reason why it's just us two is because we are treating this as a sort of holiday (it's my first paid vacation time and her first time to go this year) and we both dont' want to have people with us on the trip.. we're doing our own thing and getting our own hotel room etc. having 2 more people in the car will disrupt our privacy and limit us to what we wanna talk about and listen to in the car.
I have had all my arrangements set up over a month ago and recently things got changed because of a concern.
My father won't let them drive down in another vehicle, Costs too much $$ and he thinks they're going to get lost.
that isn't gonna happen. and besides he's going to Saskatoon for something at the same time so there's extra money being spent anyways!!
I have offered to pay half of the gas for that vehicle, my brother the other half.. this eliminates the money issue. the lost issue is not a factor as this is not at all a complicated drive to Lethbridge.
it has made a couple people angry.. me and my girl for two, and my father of course was not happy last night.
what do you do when your father cannot see why things are as they are?
it is frustrating and I for one don't like being in the middle of it all, especially when I will look like the bad guy when I try to explain why my mother didn't make it to the wedding (if she ended up not going)
suggestions? smart ones please.
Frankly, you're at the stage where you're going out and doing things for your own life which more often then not, will conflict with your father's/parent's views. Sure it makes more sense to have everybody go down in one car, and I see his point of view..... at the same time, you need to clearly explain your point of view, why you have your point of view and stick with it.
It's your first paid vacation and the first time you guys will be able to do this on your own with nobody over your shoulder the whole damn time...... let's say you all went in one car and heeded your father's request..... what happens the next time after that when you decide to go out for your real first vacation independently? Are you going to be asked to do someone else a favor as well?
What about after that?
If your brother and mother couldn't drive or were piss poor with directions, or there was a medical condition involved with one of them, sure I might see it being a big deal..... but if your brother and mother are more then capable of driving on their own and have experience driving on their own......
AND most importantly, if they don't give two sh*ts about having their own vehicle to drive down in, thus not all cramped in one vehicle...... then honestly, who gives a rats ass?
Obviously your father isn't going because he has some other "Thing" he has to attend to, so honestly, his opinion doesn't really matter, does it?
If it's not his money being blown on fuel and such and everybody else is taken care of it, I don't see what the big deal is.
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You want to know what I really think it is?
Never mind, I see in your profile you're two years older then I am, so I can't see it having anything to do with you being a young guy full of hormones out to screw like rabbits in the car like some 18 and 19 year olds just getting out on their own...... even if it was.... that's your prerogative, not his.
Either way, his justifications are invalid and considering his problems are resolved and everybody is fine with the original plan except him.... it sounds to me like he's attempting to have a say in the matter as if it affects him in some way and creating an issue where there isn't one.... perhaps feeling guilty that he won't be involved in the trip and if something goes wrong, he needs someone to blame other then himself.
Even if you guys did do what he wants and something still went wrong, guess who's still going to get the blame?
There comes a time in every young man's life to turn to their father and tell them to piss the hell off.... I know I did it at least once that I remember..... we didn't speak to one another for about 6 months, but we seem to be getting along now..... it's that your attitudes and personalities (along with tempers) clash because they're so similar and eventually you either have to stand up for your position, or let them continue to walk all over your sorry and pathetic ass...... which is more of a disappointment for a father then being told off because their son ain't got no balls.
Then again, maybe you just ignore him and everybody continues to do what was originally planned...... either way, this is a petty dispute your father created and regardless of how it ends, it'll all blow over eventually and life will go on.
Perhaps you should lay the guilt trip on him instead, ala explain to him that it's fine, you'll do what he wants..... you'll just have to wait for another year, perhaps more, to ensure you have enough money saved up and have the free time to go on your "First Vacation you paid for yourself."........ Oh but wait, who knows who else will get married, or who might pass away or whatever else might come along that will take up your vacation time, your money and thus never have this opportunity to have this vacation you have been planning for for so long, because you'll end up having to trek someone else along to whatever it may be because it'll always be expected of you from now on??
Besides.... if they get lost or get into an accident..... I'm sure in this world of technology today, you guys have cell phones to reach one another..... so then you can turn around and pick them up...... rather then all of you being in one car, it breaks down and suddenly you're all stranded & screwed.
Two vehicles are better then one when it comes to a long trip....... but I guess the cost of gas is more important then safety ;-)
ya, I just have to maintain my living quarters, if I were on my own instead of currently temporarily under their roof, I'd have said no, tough, you have to accomodate them. but because that's not the case right now, I just can't say no. I have to work on some compromise or way to make it work.
Man, I moved back to my dad's house once after college....... right around the time my mom decided to file for divorce....... to say the least, that year I did everything I could do to ensure I had the resources to move the hell out on my own and stay on my own.
Even when I was basically broke and barely paying my bills, let alone getting enough food, I'd be damned if I was going to head back home and lose my independence.... I'd rather live out on the street.... because no matter how much you help around the house, no matter how much you pay for your rent/room with your parents..... for some odd reason, it's still never enough to warrant you an equal say in things and you're still treated like some damn 8 year old.
Fk that I say..... Besides that one year moving back, I've been living on my own for 11 years now and while it hasn't been easy, while I faced some difficult times and while I'm not exactly living in luxury..... I can call it my own.... my life..... my independence....... and nobody has control over my home, my possessions, my life, my relationships, let alone where I go and how.
Continually blackmailing you with booting you out if you don't do what a parent demands is a crock of sh*t and a piss poor method of continually holding control over your child.
