What would Jesus do?
- Thread starter tay
- Start date
I thought I remembered a quote form a movie from 20-30 years
ago that answered that question in the thread title directly, but
upon review, they where talking about Da Vinci & not Jesus...
ago that answered that question in the thread title directly, but
upon review, they where talking about Da Vinci & not Jesus...
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak.. After mass he asked the Monsignor
how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I
am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put
a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the
following note on the door:
1)
Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10...
4)
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of
him..
9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he
said,"Take this and eat it for this is my
body.." He did not say,"Eat me."
12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the
Cherry'.
13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah
God.
14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's.
hardly speak.. After mass he asked the Monsignor
how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I
am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put
a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the
following note on the door:
1)
Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10...
4)
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of
him..
9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he
said,"Take this and eat it for this is my
body.." He did not say,"Eat me."
12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the
Cherry'.
13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah
God.
14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's.