What does Jose really mean?
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho and his pearl of wisdom
By MARTIN PHILLIPS
Senior Feature Writer
February 02, 2007
WHEN sports reporters follow Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, it is because they think newsworthy quotes will be thrown their way – and they are rarely disappointed.
They certainly weren’t this week as the self-styled "Special One", already famous for his taste in coats, tried to steal the metaphoric clothes of football’s most famous ranting “philosopher”, Eric Cantona, with a bizarre explanation of his team’s injury problems.
Manchester United's Eric Cantona, explaining why he kung-fu kicked one of his own fans in 1995, said: “When the seagulls follow the trawler it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”
Crazy: Manchester United's Eric Cantona kung-fu kicks a spectator - a Manchester United fan - in January 1995
Jose rivalled that, er, pearl of wisdom with his bizarre blanket analogy (reproduced above) after his side’s victory over Blackburn Rovers on Wednesday.
So what on earth was he talking about?
Our expert, Professor Jargon von Bull-Scheist, did his best to explain: “In an ideal world, Mr Mourinho would like a squad of players (a blanket) sufficiently skilled and numerous to compete at the very highest level against other teams of players (blankets) throughout the entire length of a season of Premier league and cup soccer matches (the bed).
“Sadly, key members of his playing staff have had injuries, leaving his blanket depleted.”
Ben Beer, spokesman for the Plain English Campaign, said: “Football personalities have long baffled us with their philosophical takes on life. “They speak first and think later.”
Football fans ... 'you what?'
We’ve searched the records for some classic footie philosopher comments which are interpreted with help from The Plain English Campaign:
ERIC CANTONA SAID: “When the seagulls follow the trawler it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”
HE MEANT: The Press are after me.
******************************
Sir ALEX FERGUSON (Manchester United manager) SAID: “When an Italian tells me it’s pasta on the plate I check under the sauce to make sure.”
HE MEANT: The manager of our Italian opponents is talking Bolognese.
******************************
FABIEN BARTHEZ (ex-Manchester United goalkeeper) SAID: “Unconsciously, I fell in love with the small, round sphere with its amusing and capricious rebounds which sometimes play with me.”
HE MEANT: I can’t help loving football, even when I make a cock-up.
*******************************
Former Hearts boss EDUARD MALOFEEV SAID: “I’m going to answer with the voice of a famous person, Harold MacMillan.
“I feel myself as a bear. The lion has taken the bear but he hasn’t broken his bones. We need to improve our discipline. The players are absent-minded and I need to make them more attentive.”
HE MEANT: Er, well, er . . .
*******************************
JOSE MOURINHO (manager of Champions Chelsea) SAID: “Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it’s a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed.”
HE MEANT: Our pitch looks awful but it’s fine to play on.
******************************
BRIAN CLOUGH (former Nottingham Forest manager) SAID: “If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there.”
HE MEANT: No one likes the long-ball game.
***************************
ALAN PARDEW (manager of Charlton Athletic) SAID: “I don’t like people who drain my time and energy. If you’ve seen the Harry Potter films, we use the term ‘dementors’ — people who can draw the life out of you in terms of your energy.
“So we eradicate the dementors, encourage the positive people, and that spreads around to create the team spirit we have here.”
HE MEANT: Always look on the bright side of life.
*********************************
HOWARD WILKINSON (ex-Leeds United manager) SAID: “A lucky goal or the run of the ball can be triggers but they can only be triggers if you have gunpowder.”
HE MEANT: You make your own luck in this game.
********************************
KEVIN KEEGAN (ex-Newcastle and England manager) SAID: “I would love it if we beat them. Love it!”
HE MEANT: I’ve lost the plot and Man United are going to beat Newcastle to the title.
thesun.co.uk
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho and his pearl of wisdom
Senior Feature Writer
February 02, 2007
WHEN sports reporters follow Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, it is because they think newsworthy quotes will be thrown their way – and they are rarely disappointed.
They certainly weren’t this week as the self-styled "Special One", already famous for his taste in coats, tried to steal the metaphoric clothes of football’s most famous ranting “philosopher”, Eric Cantona, with a bizarre explanation of his team’s injury problems.
Manchester United's Eric Cantona, explaining why he kung-fu kicked one of his own fans in 1995, said: “When the seagulls follow the trawler it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”
Crazy: Manchester United's Eric Cantona kung-fu kicks a spectator - a Manchester United fan - in January 1995
Jose rivalled that, er, pearl of wisdom with his bizarre blanket analogy (reproduced above) after his side’s victory over Blackburn Rovers on Wednesday.
So what on earth was he talking about?
Our expert, Professor Jargon von Bull-Scheist, did his best to explain: “In an ideal world, Mr Mourinho would like a squad of players (a blanket) sufficiently skilled and numerous to compete at the very highest level against other teams of players (blankets) throughout the entire length of a season of Premier league and cup soccer matches (the bed).
“Sadly, key members of his playing staff have had injuries, leaving his blanket depleted.”
Ben Beer, spokesman for the Plain English Campaign, said: “Football personalities have long baffled us with their philosophical takes on life. “They speak first and think later.”
Football fans ... 'you what?'
We’ve searched the records for some classic footie philosopher comments which are interpreted with help from The Plain English Campaign:
ERIC CANTONA SAID: “When the seagulls follow the trawler it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”
HE MEANT: The Press are after me.
******************************
Sir ALEX FERGUSON (Manchester United manager) SAID: “When an Italian tells me it’s pasta on the plate I check under the sauce to make sure.”
HE MEANT: The manager of our Italian opponents is talking Bolognese.
******************************
FABIEN BARTHEZ (ex-Manchester United goalkeeper) SAID: “Unconsciously, I fell in love with the small, round sphere with its amusing and capricious rebounds which sometimes play with me.”
HE MEANT: I can’t help loving football, even when I make a cock-up.
*******************************
Former Hearts boss EDUARD MALOFEEV SAID: “I’m going to answer with the voice of a famous person, Harold MacMillan.
“I feel myself as a bear. The lion has taken the bear but he hasn’t broken his bones. We need to improve our discipline. The players are absent-minded and I need to make them more attentive.”
HE MEANT: Er, well, er . . .
*******************************
JOSE MOURINHO (manager of Champions Chelsea) SAID: “Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it’s a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed.”
HE MEANT: Our pitch looks awful but it’s fine to play on.
******************************
BRIAN CLOUGH (former Nottingham Forest manager) SAID: “If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there.”
HE MEANT: No one likes the long-ball game.
***************************
ALAN PARDEW (manager of Charlton Athletic) SAID: “I don’t like people who drain my time and energy. If you’ve seen the Harry Potter films, we use the term ‘dementors’ — people who can draw the life out of you in terms of your energy.
“So we eradicate the dementors, encourage the positive people, and that spreads around to create the team spirit we have here.”
HE MEANT: Always look on the bright side of life.
*********************************
HOWARD WILKINSON (ex-Leeds United manager) SAID: “A lucky goal or the run of the ball can be triggers but they can only be triggers if you have gunpowder.”
HE MEANT: You make your own luck in this game.
********************************
KEVIN KEEGAN (ex-Newcastle and England manager) SAID: “I would love it if we beat them. Love it!”
HE MEANT: I’ve lost the plot and Man United are going to beat Newcastle to the title.
Additional reporting: NICK FRANCIS
thesun.co.uk