I first met the idiot across the street shortly after his new house was finished. This was a few years ago. I heard my wife talking to somebody on the step, then I realised that my wife was crying so I wandered out to see what was going on. This fat f*ck was threatening to kill our cats.
I threatened to beat him to a bloody pulp and pointed out that he'd best pray that nothing bad ever happened to any of our cats. He tried to look tough as he ran away, but it just wasn't happening...he looked like a scared man running away.
A few months later I caught him throwing rocks at one of my cats. We had another chat, which I initiated by throwing a rock at him. This one gathered a bit of a crowd and he retreated into his house before the entire neighbourhood started throwing rocks at him.
I doubt I'm considered the best citizen in the neighbourhood, but I don't throw rocks at cats, after all. I'm nice to the people who walk by and even answer their children's interminable questions.
Anyway, after the rock thing some of his neighbours (he has a 2 acre lot that a lot of other properties back onto, so he has a lot of neighbours) started confiding their troubles with him to me. He's caused massive drainage problems for them, threatened their pets, chased their kids away, and lit one guy's yard on fire with his fireworks. He's an idiot, a pariah in the neighbourhood.
The only friend he had around here was the moron who lived next door to me for a couple of years...another neighbour from hell who has thankfully moved away. They both have this nasty habit of solving their problems by dumping them on somebody else, then attempting to intimidate anybody who dares talk back. They might fare better in another neighbourhood...people around here tend to talk back a lot and don't intimidate so easily. Some us of throw stones, for instance.
Anyway, I was looking out my window just now and Frank, the man who lives on the corner and has property that backs onto the idiot's, ran about ten feet and whacked the idiot across the street on the side of the head. It was a pretty good shot...rocked the idiot back on his heels. I hobbled out onto the step because watching two sixty year old men have a fist fight might be interesting. My money was on Frank, he has a longer reach and is pretty fit. Also, if he got in trouble I'd not hesitate to give him a hand.
Frank annoys me sometimes, he's a former gym teacher and he likes to yap a lot and is always way too slow to offer a beer, but he's basically a nice guy and when he does offer a beer he means several beer. He's also not known for physical violence. He talks, he politics, he doesn't swing. He doesn't even usually raise his voice, come to think of it. He spent most of his life dealing with high school students, after all...he knows a thing or two about anger management.
Anyway, I put on my shoes, grabbed some beer, and wandered out on the step. Turns out the idiot has buggering up the drainage again, but this time there's a twist. When Frank's wife questioned him about it, the idiot called her some very un-nice names that would be characterised as misogynistic at best. Apparently it was in some sort of public forum and highly inappropriate.
I don't know Frank's wife well, since I'm not allowed to smoke in her house, but I do know she is never anything but polite and her tongue is not very sharp, although she is.
The idiot across the street started talking about cops and assault charges, so I wandered across the road. I gave Frank a beer, but made a point of not offering one to the idiot. A couple other neighbours came wandering over. I gave them each a beer. I find that if you want people here to help you out, it's best to be waving beer at them.
One of the neighbours talked to Frank in reasoned tones and got him to go back into his house. The remaining neighbour and I stood there in the idiot's yard talking about how unfortunate it would be if charges were pressed and how something had to be done about these new people who just wouldn't even try to fit in around here. I don't know how effective it was, but I do know that the idiot eventually returned to his house and I haven't seen a cop car yet.
So does anybody have any suggestions on how to get this idiot to move away? I don't think Frank can take much more, and the other people who have to deal with drainage problems and the rest of this idiot's stupidity are likely to kick him into submission one dark night.
He is causing much discord in my neighbourhood, and we really don't like discord around here. We're more about tolerance and beer and not stepping on each other's toes.
Ideas would be welcome...I have a feeling there will be a meeting about this soon.
I threatened to beat him to a bloody pulp and pointed out that he'd best pray that nothing bad ever happened to any of our cats. He tried to look tough as he ran away, but it just wasn't happening...he looked like a scared man running away.
A few months later I caught him throwing rocks at one of my cats. We had another chat, which I initiated by throwing a rock at him. This one gathered a bit of a crowd and he retreated into his house before the entire neighbourhood started throwing rocks at him.
I doubt I'm considered the best citizen in the neighbourhood, but I don't throw rocks at cats, after all. I'm nice to the people who walk by and even answer their children's interminable questions.
Anyway, after the rock thing some of his neighbours (he has a 2 acre lot that a lot of other properties back onto, so he has a lot of neighbours) started confiding their troubles with him to me. He's caused massive drainage problems for them, threatened their pets, chased their kids away, and lit one guy's yard on fire with his fireworks. He's an idiot, a pariah in the neighbourhood.
The only friend he had around here was the moron who lived next door to me for a couple of years...another neighbour from hell who has thankfully moved away. They both have this nasty habit of solving their problems by dumping them on somebody else, then attempting to intimidate anybody who dares talk back. They might fare better in another neighbourhood...people around here tend to talk back a lot and don't intimidate so easily. Some us of throw stones, for instance.
Anyway, I was looking out my window just now and Frank, the man who lives on the corner and has property that backs onto the idiot's, ran about ten feet and whacked the idiot across the street on the side of the head. It was a pretty good shot...rocked the idiot back on his heels. I hobbled out onto the step because watching two sixty year old men have a fist fight might be interesting. My money was on Frank, he has a longer reach and is pretty fit. Also, if he got in trouble I'd not hesitate to give him a hand.
Frank annoys me sometimes, he's a former gym teacher and he likes to yap a lot and is always way too slow to offer a beer, but he's basically a nice guy and when he does offer a beer he means several beer. He's also not known for physical violence. He talks, he politics, he doesn't swing. He doesn't even usually raise his voice, come to think of it. He spent most of his life dealing with high school students, after all...he knows a thing or two about anger management.
Anyway, I put on my shoes, grabbed some beer, and wandered out on the step. Turns out the idiot has buggering up the drainage again, but this time there's a twist. When Frank's wife questioned him about it, the idiot called her some very un-nice names that would be characterised as misogynistic at best. Apparently it was in some sort of public forum and highly inappropriate.
I don't know Frank's wife well, since I'm not allowed to smoke in her house, but I do know she is never anything but polite and her tongue is not very sharp, although she is.
The idiot across the street started talking about cops and assault charges, so I wandered across the road. I gave Frank a beer, but made a point of not offering one to the idiot. A couple other neighbours came wandering over. I gave them each a beer. I find that if you want people here to help you out, it's best to be waving beer at them.
One of the neighbours talked to Frank in reasoned tones and got him to go back into his house. The remaining neighbour and I stood there in the idiot's yard talking about how unfortunate it would be if charges were pressed and how something had to be done about these new people who just wouldn't even try to fit in around here. I don't know how effective it was, but I do know that the idiot eventually returned to his house and I haven't seen a cop car yet.
So does anybody have any suggestions on how to get this idiot to move away? I don't think Frank can take much more, and the other people who have to deal with drainage problems and the rest of this idiot's stupidity are likely to kick him into submission one dark night.
He is causing much discord in my neighbourhood, and we really don't like discord around here. We're more about tolerance and beer and not stepping on each other's toes.
Ideas would be welcome...I have a feeling there will be a meeting about this soon.
