Oh Dear God, Not AGAIN! (Die, smelly horse)


Electoral Member
Mar 24, 2002
Cache Creek, BC
As posted on www.hackernetwork.com on Feb 7 by Lacerda

If you wrote to me regarding the article I penned on the NASA situation, please don’t be offended if I neglected to reply. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your comments, but I only have so many ways to say “thanks for agreeing with me”. Please don’t let this dissuade you from writing in--chances are good that if your letter is sufficiently eloquent, you’ll be seeing an excerpt posted here on HN’s main page. I like to further all sorts of debate by involving the internet’s faceless pundits.

With that charming preamble out of the way, let’s sink our teeth into the meat of today’s (or this week’s…or this month’s…I still haven’t worked out any kind of writing schedule yet) topic: DE…

(Is he?)


(Why, I think he is!)


(Ye gods! He daren’t!)

What could possibly possess me to write about this subject? I’m going to suggest a dope-smoking ghost. Are there not hundreds—if not thousands—of websites that have done the same? Well, yes. But this time I’m doing it.

Yes, I’d like to use my wherewithal to bring you the oft-debated and likely near-exhausted topic of THE DECRIMINALIZATION OF MARIJUANA. I’ve talked about it elsewhere, so why not here? Why not again? Why not indeed?

Canada seems to be doing some kind of deliciously slow hokey-pokey when it comes to dropping the penalties associated with being caught with pot. Some days, it seems like they might actually pass some legislation that will allow people to walk around with reasonable amounts of the stuff (less than 15 grams—or is it 7? Make up your mind, kooks.). Other times, the whole deal looks like a snowball in the aychuh-ee double-hockey sticks.

Ooh, good idea, brain--a quick quibble on a point, if you may:

I’m talking about decriminalization, which is different from legalization. How? I’ll tell you. With examples! The best kind of telling!

Decriminalization: While still illegal to possess marijuana, it is no longer a criminal offence to do so unless prosecuted for trafficking. You might get fined, but you’re not going to be standing in a prison cell listening to a large hairy man serenade you.

Legalization: All bets are off. Smoke pot in a shirt made of pot while fueling your car with pot. Drive the car while high (kidding, kidding) over roads made from pot and everyone is a filthy hippy.

Got it? Good, let’s move on. Damn, this article is skipping around and is so fragmented…you’d think the author was smoking something.

Anyway, I’ll readily admit my sissy-ass liberal leanings when it comes to politics. I guess I have this in common with your (America’s) founding fathers (First Amendment, anyone?). I like it when people leave me alone and let me pursue happiness with my own devices. I’m of the firm belief that anything I want to do on my own time that doesn’t harm anyone else should be A-OK. If I want to inhale the smoke from some little plant and sit around watching episodes of Futurama while giggling uncontrollably and dripping salsa on my stomach, I should be able to do so. Not that I’m saying that I’ve ever done that. Of course not. That would be irresponsible of me.

And that’s what this whole quandary comes right down to: responsibility. By banning marijuana, the government is telling us that we have no self control. If we’re allowed to smoke pot, hell, we’ll never get anything done! It’ll be absolute chaos! All our social services will degrade…doctors will be hitting the bong while performing neurosurgery…the kids will eat babies…animals will talk…
Yeah, there’s the thing. Anyone who’s at all familiar with pot knows that it’s relatively harmless. You don’t get violent potheads. The worst you’ll see out of a doper is someone who’s really paranoid and doesn’t want you to answer the phone (they’ll know, man…). Needless to say, the people who are negatively affected by ‘substance abuse’ are usually those who have emotional or psychological problems in the first place. I don’t see why Johnny’s penchant for attempting suicide should limit my choices when it comes to recreational activities.

But a-ha! you say. (Stop that, it’s annoying.) If we decriminalize marijuana, it will be more accessible to people, and more people will smoke it! Um, forgive me if I’m wrong, but don’t Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, North Carolina, Ohio and Oregon all have reduced—if not negligible—penalties for the possession of dope? Have all those states gone up in a hazy cloud of do-nuttin’ smoke?
Well, maybe that bastard Ohio, but I’m fairly certain the rest are all up to speed.