June 30th, 2006
Sulkin’ since 1989
Maybe you’re one of them | You wear dark clothes, your sad eyes mope behind long dark hair that covers one side of your face. Downtrodden mannerisms are always the daily special, and these habits have developed your affinity for angsty music. Perhaps you experienced a Shakespeareian love affair that crash bombed. This caused an emotional regression that left you crippled. After that moment, a certain Dramatic weight began to cling to the very air around you. A dark cave stocked with an iPod containing Dashboard Confessional albums leaking with ‘love lost omg lyrics’ is just what you need right now. Don’t forget the eye makeup and tight clothes or you might feel like the happy and oblivious herd you’ve managed to separate yourself from. You sought out a WAY OF THE DARK SPIRIT, and for some reason all the other kids are doing it too. Cool, thinks you. I’m special.
"Emo is another word for adolescent confusion."
Maybe you’re not one of them | You’ve never heard the expression ‘Pity Party’ but you got a good chuckle out of a link your buddy sent you about
‘Punch an Emo in the Face Day’. The Emo, like the Emu, is a curious species that never has made sense to you. Emos and hippies may refer to you as a ‘Normy’ and you may want to disagree with them but you just don’t care. You call Emos "Walking ads for Prozac" and crack jokes like "I wish my lawn was Emo so it would cut itself." You react to their antics with the same confusion as you experience when you find yourself in the same room as
cosplay characters,
furries, and
extremely foreign people. Xenophobia grips you as their faces flash before your eyes as you fall to sleep. Lately these Emo critters are getting on your damn nerves, and upsetting your digestive tract. "What the hell are they wearing girl’s pants for?"
Maybe you’re confused by all this | It’s easy to make fun of Emos as being a waste of space, but I also hope to provide a little sidecar of education. This is for those people who don’t yet know why Emos must not be trusted with small children.
While there may be no way to solve the mystery of the emo, we can always try.
