Greetings from the Whitehouse

[jjw1965]

Thanks Ohio, You Blew It!

It's the truth, A majority of Americans take no active involvement in what the government is doing until it directly affects them. The new eminent domain law that was passed buy the Supreme Court, The Patriot Act all effects the American citizen. and there's a lot more on there agenda. Can you say the American Union? :angry2

 

[Reverend Blair]

Yeah I did. I don't mind mowing it really, this time of year I put a certain fertilizer in it because the abrupt heat and humidity creates brown spots here and there. What a mistake, I have to cut it twice a week now, it keeps growing.

'kay...a young man needs a job, so he buys a white shirt and some black polyester pants and heads down to Wal-Mart, where he gets hired for slightly less than what his rent costs.

They put him in the garden section.

So the first day on the job, the senior garden section guy tells him about add-on sales and how to get people to buy things they don't really need. The kid isn't getting it, so the older salesman tells him to watch while he makes the next sale.

A man walks in and asks for a garden hose. The older salesman says, "Would you like a lawnmower with that?"

The customer looks at him and says, "I came in to buy a $10.99 garden hose, why would I want a lawnmower?"

The old salesman looks at him and says, "Well you're going to water your lawn, your lawn's gonna grow, and if you don't cut it your neighbours are going to complain. You need a lawnmower just to keep your neighbours happy." The customer agreed and bought a lawnmower.

The old salesman walks back to where kid is and asks if the kid saw how he did it. The kid says that he thinks so, but he isn't sure and would like to watch again.

So the next customer comes in and asks for some fertilizer. The old salesman says, "Would you like a lawnmower with that?"

The customer asks why the old salesman is trying to sell him a lawnmower and the salesman says, "With this stuff you'll fertilize lawn and it will grow so fast that your neighbours will call the city. If you don't buy a lawnmower you'll have the city on your ass." So the customer buys an 8 HP, self propelled Toro for $599.98.

The old salesman goes back and asks the kid if he's got it yet. "I think so," the kid says, "Let me try the next one."

So the next customer comes in and the kid approaches him and says, "How can I help you, sir?"

The customer whispers, "Actually my wife sent me, can you tell me where the tampons are?"

The kid answers, in his loud, salesman voice, "Tampons are in aisle 23 sir. Would you like a lawnmower with that?"

The customer looks at the kid and says, "Thanks for announcing to everybody why I'm here, like it isn't embarrassing enough. What the hell is wrong with you? And what the hell are you trying to sell me a lawnmower for?"

The kid looks at the customer, looks over at the old salesman and winks, then turns back to the customer and says, "Might as well mow the lawn, your weekend's f*cked anyway."

 

[Jo Canadian]

 

[GL Schmitt]

A Question:

Was that “statement”merely a posted PR exercise cobbled together from old boilerplate, or did Disingenuous George actually speak the words?

I mean, if he actually spoke those syllables, wouldn’t toads spontaneously take form in his mouth?