What a difficult thing to have to deal with, Cindy. My heart goes out to you. My partner has MS (multiple sclerosis) so Ido understand what it is like to live with someone who has a physical problem. All I can tell you about it, Cindy, is that if the two of you love one another, you can get through anything. As simplistic as that sounds, I have found over the past 2 years that looking past the disease is not that difficult when the person behind it is someone I love and admire.
One thing I would mention, though. When we found out my partner had MS, I sat down and took a long, hard, realistic look at whether or not I would be able to cope with it, no matter how bad it got. MS can be very bad, can even cause people to die. I had to be sure I would be able to see it through, that the disease would not be too much for me to handle eventually.
I thought it was only fair to her to be absolutely sure I had the ability to live with her disease. If I said I would be there, I wanted to make sure I could keep that promise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting it is too difficult to deal with if you have doubts about your ability to live with his retinitis pigmentosa. It does not reflect badly on you to admit you cannot do it. It is not an easy road. I think it is more honourable to step away immediately if you have doubts, before your partner comes to depend on you as an ally against his condition. That kind of self honesty is not easy, but I think owning up to what I can and can't do is the greatest gift I can give those I love. Just a little page from my own experience book.
Good luck to you. It appears to me that just by coming here to this forum you are seeking a way to think and talk about your situation, that you are not just rushing ahead without thinking it through. I have learned that reaching out for a little help and support goes a long way to dealing with things. I hope you find what you need here in the forum. Great bunch of thinkers here -- not to mention just plain nice people.
Dexter Sinister said:
I have to disagree with you a little, Cosmo, I see no reason to believe, or even suspect, there's some greater power in play. As far as I can tell, we're alone on this little planet and we're completely responsible--to each other--for what we do with it.
Ain't that what makes this forum so very interesting, Dex? I love hearing others views on this stuff. It either helps me see a better alternative to my own way of interpreting things or it gives me the opportunity to articulate what I think and solidifies it in my own mind. Either way, I love the diversity. The whole "god" debate delights me. I thoroughly enjoy learning the perspective of others.
Dexter Sinister said:
I immediately agree completely with your first paragraph, if I've understood you correctly. What you seem to me to be saying there is that we can't control the circumstances of our own lives completely because there are other players on the stage,
Yep. That's what I meant. Sometimes I get all wordy.
We can't control everything but we end up right where we're supposed to be.
Dexter Sinister said:
but I am unable to make the leap that starts your second paragraph. I think all we have is each other, there is no higher power paying any attention to us. I often wish there were, but the evidence I see doesn't justify such a conclusion.
No leap to make. Just an expression of what I believe. I don't think "fate" and the existance of "god" (for lack of a less loaded term) are mutually exclusive. As for evidence, well, I don't have any real, first-person evidence that electricity exists either. I've been told about it, told how it works, etc. etc. but in reality it's faith that the coffee maker is going to do its thing when I turn it on. I have no direct personal proof that it's some invisible form of energy harnessed through a wall socket that actually makes my morning brew possible. Of course the argument to that is that science can measure and quantify electricity, but because I have no such skill, I must take it on faith that it is true. Just like they used to take it on faith the world was flat.
My own personal experiences have led me to the conclusion I'm not the smartest thing in the Universe. I guess I would be one step removed from agnostic ... there is a power that I cannot understand. But like electricity, it does not stop me from using it to enhance my life.
I'm not so sure our opinions are that radically different, Dex. I believe in a god that is mostly indifferent which means we end up relying on ourselves and our fellow humans. You believe there is no god which means we end up relying on ourselves and our fellow humans. Like the TenPenny's anecdote, I think that "divine assistance" comes through other people. The whole burning bush thing isn't likely to happen and if it does, they just lock you up in a psych ward somewhere.
Egad, I do yap, don't I!!
Again, Cindy, the best of luck to you. All I can suggest is to follow your heart and not let any sense of duty (either to your parents or to your boyfriend) drag you off your correct path. In the end, doing what we most want to do (not what we "should" do) makes us and everyone around us happiest. I've heard it referred to as "enlightened self interest". What makes me happy makes me more able to bring some good stuff into the lives of the people around me. Or at least that's been my experience.