Yes she can have home support. Something I arrange for most...But she does not want strangers in her place, or amongst her things..my daughter can do it me she says! Yes I can tell you some of the things I have seen in regards to how people treat their eldery parents is very sad. Honestly I find it very distrubing that this women who has nothing to do and lives so close could not take a couple of hours a week and do this for her mother...especially when its quite clear that her mother gave her a very good life. She will have very bad karma...she even finds annoying taking her out once a week for dinner...and I have to be all nice and agreeable...and figure something out...grrgrrgrrgrr
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- Thread starter bevvyd
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Who knows what their relationship was when the daughter was just a child, though. Old people can be delightful and sweet, it is often a protective measure because they are very vulnerable.
It is a way of coping, just as a child finds ways of coping by making nice with the parents on whom the child depends for everything. The child who receives great unkindnesses as a child is often going to turn in this way on the parent in later years when the roles are reversed.
It doesn't make it right, of course, but I am guessing there is a whole big story as to how things came to be the way they are now for that family.
It is a way of coping, just as a child finds ways of coping by making nice with the parents on whom the child depends for everything. The child who receives great unkindnesses as a child is often going to turn in this way on the parent in later years when the roles are reversed.
It doesn't make it right, of course, but I am guessing there is a whole big story as to how things came to be the way they are now for that family.
Yes of course you have a point. But I look at this way...when you have a parent in their 90's no matter what your relationship was has a child, you rise above it....you do whats right, and a couple of hours out of your busy life a week is not a whole lot to ask.
Personally I don't give a dam what there kind of relationship they had to do have (it looks good to me) Most of all you do these things for "yourself" if you get what I mean :wink:
Ah...I will sign out for awhile...work and such...catch you a bit later...nice talking to you hag...
Personally I don't give a dam what there kind of relationship they had to do have (it looks good to me) Most of all you do these things for "yourself" if you get what I mean :wink:
Ah...I will sign out for awhile...work and such...catch you a bit later...nice talking to you hag...
Don't get me wrong, Pea, I agree that one should rise above such things. However, the damages done to a psyche during childhood can have a powerful influence on one's perceptions later in life. In other words, the daughter might not have a clear picture of how she is behaving, and therefore be unaware of the need to 'rise above' it.
Sure she should do these things for her own sense of rightness, but likely there are all sorts of things going on in her head that prevent it from happening. Further, if she did do them, she would likely do them with a bitterness in her heart, and then nobody wins.
One really must wonder why the mother doesn't just accept having a homemaker - and be grateful that such a service exists - rather than insisting that her daughter do the work. Not wanting strangers in the house sounds a big iffy as valid excuses go. Sounds to me as though there is a major power struggle happening, and just because the old lady is 90 doesn't mean she doesn't know how to push buttons. Hard.
Sure she should do these things for her own sense of rightness, but likely there are all sorts of things going on in her head that prevent it from happening. Further, if she did do them, she would likely do them with a bitterness in her heart, and then nobody wins.
One really must wonder why the mother doesn't just accept having a homemaker - and be grateful that such a service exists - rather than insisting that her daughter do the work. Not wanting strangers in the house sounds a big iffy as valid excuses go. Sounds to me as though there is a major power struggle happening, and just because the old lady is 90 doesn't mean she doesn't know how to push buttons. Hard.
No problemo haggis 
I just been around this sort of thing for 6 years now, 5 days a week. Her reasons for not wanting home support are no different than most of them...Its difficult to lose your independence for alot of eldery people, first its your car, and it progresses from there. It takes adjustments and tweaking to accept these things for some people. Families have a responsiblity to their aging parents, they don't have to live with them, but to assist them in small ways so they can live independently for as long as possible, and not dump it all on society, the health care system, and vounteers..
I just been around this sort of thing for 6 years now, 5 days a week. Her reasons for not wanting home support are no different than most of them...Its difficult to lose your independence for alot of eldery people, first its your car, and it progresses from there. It takes adjustments and tweaking to accept these things for some people. Families have a responsiblity to their aging parents, they don't have to live with them, but to assist them in small ways so they can live independently for as long as possible, and not dump it all on society, the health care system, and vounteers..