Right Not to Get Shot Faces Uphill Fight in Senate

[Cliffy]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Republicans today vowed to filibuster a controversial bill supporting the right not to get shot.
G.O.P. leaders lambasted the bill, arguing that the right to go to school, work, or one’s home without fear of being shot was not guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution.
“The Second Amendment makes it very clear,” said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming). “The right to bear arms shall not be infringed by a tiny minority’s desire not to be shot.”
But according to the pollster Harland Dorrinson, of OpinionFact Polling, the right not to get shot, while controversial, is beginning to gain traction with the American electorate.
“Like gay marriage, not getting shot is an idea that has taken some getting used to, but people are starting to wrap their brains around it,” he said.
Poll numbers notwithstanding, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that he would join the effort to filibuster any not-getting-shot-related bill: “The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”

Read more: Borowitz Report : The New Yorker


“The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”
Now there is logic you can't argue with.​

 

[Praxius]

“The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”
Now there is logic you can't argue with.[/LEFT]

Yeah that caught my eye as well. :lol:

What a laugh.

 

[mentalfloss]

Preventing the freedom to vote is so neo-libertarian.

 

[captain morgan]

So, this is a bill that outlines someone's 'right' not to be afraid?... That's the best laugh I'll have all day.

What's next, the Democrats of the world gonna round-up all of the boogey-men hiding in closets and under beds because they might infringe on a kids 'right to sleep without fear'?

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Yeah that caught my eye as well. :lol:

What a laugh.

I'm assuming this is satire.

 

[mentalfloss]

I'm assuming this is satire.

Apparently Americans are still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot". It's gaining traction though - almost up there with wrapping their brains around gay marriage.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Apparently Americans are still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot". It's gaining traction though - almost up there with wrapping their brains around gay marriage.

Obviously, the fact that the pro-gunners and the gun-controllers are all American demonstrates the silliness of your statement.

 

[mentalfloss]

Obviously, the fact that the pro-gunners and the gun-controllers are all American demonstrates the silliness of your statement.

This is straight from the OP.

But according to the pollster Harland Dorrinson, of OpinionFact Polling, the right not to get shot, while controversial, is beginning to gain traction with the American electorate.

“Like gay marriage, not getting shot is an idea that has taken some getting used to, but people are starting to wrap their brains around it,” he said.

 

[EagleSmack]

Apparently Americans are still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot"..

We're still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot".

Is this a joke?

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

This is straight from the OP.

OK, the silliness of his statement. Let's pretend your quoting it wasn't agreeing, mmm-kay?

We're still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot".

Is this a joke?

Yup. The brighter sparks recognize that this is satire.

Then there's the others.

 

[EagleSmack]

The idea that some Canadians think this is real is funny. I guess they're still trying to grasp the reality of comedy.

Republicans Call for Tougher Sanctions on Beyonce : The New Yorker

Now I am sorry I didn't let this run longer. We could have bagged a lot more.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

The idea that some Canadians think this is real is funny. I guess they're still trying to grasp the reality of comedy.

Republicans Call for Tougher Sanctions on Beyonce : The New Yorker

To be fair, it's an American piece.

 

[captain morgan]

Republicans Call for Tougher Sanctions on Beyonce : The New Yorker

Tighter regulatory controls could have prevented this tragedy from unfolding...

Is it too much to ask that for once, won't someone please think of the children?!

 

[EagleSmack]

To be fair, it's an American piece.

Oh... and Canadians wouldn't get it?

Apparently Americans are still trying to come to grips with the concept of "not getting shot". It's gaining traction though - almost up there with wrapping their brains around gay marriage.

Geez MF... you come in for a few minutes and fall flat on your face.

 

[JLM]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Republicans today vowed to filibuster a controversial bill supporting the right not to get shot.
G.O.P. leaders lambasted the bill, arguing that the right to go to school, work, or one’s home without fear of being shot was not guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution.
“The Second Amendment makes it very clear,” said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming). “The right to bear arms shall not be infringed by a tiny minority’s desire not to be shot.”
But according to the pollster Harland Dorrinson, of OpinionFact Polling, the right not to get shot, while controversial, is beginning to gain traction with the American electorate.
“Like gay marriage, not getting shot is an idea that has taken some getting used to, but people are starting to wrap their brains around it,” he said.
Poll numbers notwithstanding, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that he would join the effort to filibuster any not-getting-shot-related bill: “The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”

Read more: Borowitz Report : The New Yorker​

“The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”

Now there is logic you can't argue with.​

This should come under the "Jokes" heading. First of all how can a person be guaranteed he won't get shot and second of all if he got bludgeoned to death instead of being shot would he feel any better?- Banning guns will definitely reduce the murders by shooting but probably won't affect the total number of murders too much. This is a common sense issue, can't understand why people have so much trouble with it. -

 

[SLM]

Oh... and Canadians wouldn't get it?

Oh I get it.

But seriously, can we exile them? Pretty please? Because what passes for 'rock star' these days is really, really sad.

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Oh... and Canadians wouldn't get it?

No, just that the fact that it's an American piece suggests that whether one gets it or thinks it funny don't have much to do with north or south. More of a left or right thing, using attitudes toward guns as a surrogate for the usual lefty hatred of racist homophobic violent bible-bashing blah, blah, blah. . . i.e., conservatives.

 

[EagleSmack]

This should come under the "Jokes" heading. First of all how can a person be guaranteed he won't get shot and second of all if he got bludgeoned to death instead of being shot would he feel any better?- Banning guns will definitely reduce the murders by shooting but probably won't affect the total number of murders too much. This is a common sense issue, can't understand why people have so much trouble with it. -

Funny thing is...

Cliffy thought it was REAL!

That is why it is here in the US Politics thread

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Geez MF... you come in for a few minutes and fall flat on your face.

K, that was pretty good. For a Wednesday morning anyhow.

 

[captain morgan]

Geez MF... you come in for a few minutes and fall flat on your face.

Funny thing is...

Cliffy thought it was REAL!

That is why it is here in the US Politics thread

I blame Canada's education system and universal healthcare..

Sometimes when a kid is dropped on their head too often, it has dire consequences and railroading them through school only amplifies the problem to the point that we observe what we see here today.

That damn Harper