Hurst's England Elf*

(* That's German for eleven)


DON’T panic – this isn’t Sven’s final XI for the World Cup this summer.

Footie fans across the country are still trying to recover from the shock news that England idol Sir Geoff Hurst has gone and signed for the Germans.

We revealed yesterday how 1966 hat-trick hero “Geoff Wurst” (the only man ever to score a hat-trick in a World Cup Final) will star in ads for Germany’s tourist board – promoting our World Cup arch-rivals.

The veteran England st-reich-er will appear in the £130,000 advertising "blitz" on London’s Underground.

But what if our current England team all decided to follow in Sir Geoff’s goose-steps?

John Jerry, Frankfurter Lampard, David Beckhambauer and Merkel Owen ... it’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

Here’s our England World Cup squad with a Teutonic touch (Real names on the left, their mock German names on the right just in case you didn't know) -

Paul Robertson - Paul Rommelson
Ledley King - Lederhosen King
Rio Ferdinand - Rio Franz Ferdinand
John Terry - John Jerry
Wayne Bridge - Wayne Bridge Too Far
Shaun Wright Phillips - Shaun Reich Phillips
Frank Lampard - Frankfurter Lampard
David Beckham - David Beckhambauer
Joe Cole - Joe Helmut Cole
Wayne Rooney - Wayne Rhiney
Peter Crouch - Peter Krauts
Wes Brown - Wes Braun
Jermain Defoe - German Defoe
Michael Owen - Merkel Owen
Sven Goran Eriksson - Sven Goering Eriksson
Steve McClaren - Stece McMesserschmitt
Tord Grip - Tord Gripenfuhrer

U-Boats (That's German for subs)
Fuhrers (That's German for managers)