"Asshole of the Year" contestant


Locutus
#1
Insane Asshole Physically Assaults 11-Year-Old Girl for Lollapalooza Beach Ball



Encountering an asshole at a music festival is about as surprising as encountering ants at a picnic, so it takes a special monster to rise above the rest and be singled out as one of the most horrible concert attendees (and humans) to have ever lived. Sadly, 19-year-old Conrad Slimak was all too happy to fill that role when, during the Lollapalooza music festival in Chicago this past Sunday, he punched an 11-year-old girl in the stomach for refusing to give him the Lollapalooza branded beach ball that she received while attending the event with her mother.

Michelle Fiore was walking with her daughter outside of the festival around 8:45pm when she was approached by Slimak and three of his friends, all of whom were wearing 3-day Lollapalooza wristbands. The group allegedly requested that the mother and daughter give them one of their souvenir beach balls and Fiore, thinking that they were joking, responded, "Sure, that will be $50.''

Reportedly, Slimak — going from being an annoying dickbag to a full-on barbarian — became upset, shouting, "I'm a college student. Does it look like I have money?" before punching the 11-year-old in the abdomen to force her to drop the ball.

"It's ridiculous,'' said Fiore to the Chicago Tribune. "We were attacked for a beach ball.''

The daughter — who thankfully was not injured enough to go the the hospital — and mother were then able to flag down a police car and Slimak was immediately caught and taken into custody where he was charged with misdemeanor battery and assault.

Hope it was worth it, Conrad, because your broke college-self (who, by the way, could afford a full weekend concert pass) is about to endure — in addition to being thrown in jail — a lifetime of being labeled as the full-grown asshole who punched a little girl because you wanted her toy.

Cops: Man punched girl, 11, to get beach ball at Lollapalooza [Chicago Tribune]


Insane Asshole Physically Assaults 11-Year-Old Girl for Lollapalooza Beach Ball
 
SLM
+1
#2
Asshole of the Year. Yep, he wins, hands down.

Hope he enjoys a very public shaming in his community as well, see what a few months of being known as the "guy who punches little girls for a toy" will do for his humility.
 
petros
+2
#3  Top Rated Post
Can I punch him out instead of the court system slapping his poor college attending wrists?

Poor? How could he afford a 3 day Lollapalooza pass? It was $60 20 years ago when I went and beat up an 11 year old girl. It's gotta be a couple hundred by now.
 
55Mercury
#4
And wouldn't you know it? Conrad Slimak does NOT have a facebook account! Proof conclusive to his anti-sociability.
 
Colpy
+1
#5
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

Can I punch him out instead of the court system slapping his poor college attending wrists?

Poor? How could he afford a 3 day Lollapalooza pass? It was $60 20 years ago when I went and beat up an 11 year old girl. It's gotta be a couple hundred by now.

Was beating up the 11 year old girl included, or did you have to pay extra??
 
petros
#6
Freebies. It was the 90's.
 
55Mercury
#7
This is why you shouldn't bring your kids to lolaploozafestravaganzas. They act up and then ya gotta swat 'em.
 
CDNBear
+1
#8
Would you people mind putting a stop to the besmirching of Assholes please.

There's a difference between Assholes, and the clown in the OP.
 
SLM
+1
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by CDNBear View Post

Would you people mind putting a stop to the besmirching of Assholes please.

There's a difference between Assholes, and the clown in the OP.

We capitalized, our bad. Dickwad of the Year perhaps?
 
taxslave
+1
#10
Quote: Originally Posted by CDNBear View Post

Would you people mind putting a stop to the besmirching of Assholes please.

There's a difference between Assholes, and the clown in the OP.

As in assholes have a purpose in life whereas this pissant doesn't?
 
CDNBear
+2
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

We capitalized, our bad. Dickwad of the Year perhaps?

Works for me.

Quote: Originally Posted by taxslave View Post

As in assholes have a purpose in life whereas this pissant doesn't?

Yes.

I worked very hard to get my PhD in Assholology.

I find it very disconcerting when I see the fine art of Assholology, Assholism, and Assholes in general confused for the common asshole.
 
eh1eh
+1
#12
Quote: Originally Posted by CDNBear View Post

Works for me.

Yes.

I worked very hard to get my PhD in Assholology.

I find it very disconcerting when I see the fine art of Assholology, Assholism, and Assholes in general confused for the common asshole.

Denis Leary - I'm An Asshole - YouTube
 
CDNBear
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by eh1eh View Post

Denis Leary - I'm An Asshole - YouTube

Notice the capitalization. Denis was one of our Founding Fathers, and the Academy's first Dean of Faculty of Applied Sciences.
 
Goober
+1
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by CDNBear View Post

Works for me.

Yes.

I worked very hard to get my PhD in Assholology.

I find it very disconcerting when I see the fine art of Assholology, Assholism, and Assholes in general confused for the common asshole.

I agree - I worked quite hard for my Doctorate. Teaching the skill sets now but it can be very trying at times.
 
CDNBear
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

I agree - I worked quite hard for my Doctorate. Teaching the skill sets now but it can be very trying at times.

But highly rewarding.
 
damngrumpy
#16
Remember the condemnation of an asshole is outrageous, Assholes are useful
this guy is not. I think people should go to court and find out where he works if
he has a part time job and what institution he attends.
Yup he's simply a waste of space.
 
MapleDog
+1
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by CDNBear View Post

Would you people mind putting a stop to the besmirching of Assholes please.

There's a difference between Assholes, and the clown in the OP.

True this guy is no asshole,just a waste of DNA
 
Kreskin
#18
He's more like dog**** or slug slime. Or horse farts and cat puke. Maybe he's raw sewage or elephant dung. He could be recycled feces or crotch wrotch. Viper vomit or snake snot. Who knows, maybe he's just a Republican?
Last edited by Kreskin; Aug 8th, 2012 at 10:01 PM..
 
BaalsTears
#19
Conrad Slimak is an Obama alias.
 
shadowshiv
+1
#20
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

Asshole of the Year. Yep, he wins, hands down.

Hope he enjoys a very public shaming in his community as well, see what a few months of being known as the "guy who punches little girls for a toy" will do for his humility.

Once other prisoners realize what he is in jail for (and they WILL find out), he will be getting a hell of a lot more than a public shaming.