I'll never forget my first time painting a Trudeau. It started years ago when we would drag hippies out of their sleeping bags and push them off the seawall into the water. We used to hang around Stanley Park. But that got boring after a while, so me and my buddy Slade answered an ad in the paper.
Indigent university kids to paint people
Phone James Sinclair
Fruit basket provided for applicants chosen
We hung around a telephone booth for hours waiting for the phone back. All afternoon we chased old people away from it. The booth was in front of a senior's complex and bingo hall. Don't ask what happened to some of them.
Anyway, at 4:30, we got phoned. It was old man Sinclair. He was some high placed Liberal minister or priest or something. That's what Slade told me.
"Come around to the statue with all the bird sh!t on it. I'll be waiting at a park bench. You will recognize me by my silk hat and scarf. Ignore the dwarf on the leash tied to the statue. It's not mine."
So me and Slade went over there. Sinclair was there, dressed all fancy, sitting on the bench. About two feet away was a naked dwarf. He creeped me out, you know. He had no teeth and was drooling. On the ground beside him was an old carpet with someone inside. We could hear someone's muffled laughing.
Sinclair put down the fruit basket and said, "There's five bucks in it for you. Just paint the Trudeau and tie him up beside the naked dwarf."
The dwarf called out to Sinclair. "Sir, am I to go home tonight?"
Sinclair turned red and said, "I wish people wouldn't abandon their naked dwarves in the park like that." Then he turned to the little fellow and whispered, "I don't know who you are, but if you be quiet, I'll take you home and feed you. You can stay overnight in the Scarlet Room."
Then the dwarf urinated on the grass and started laughing. "Daddy, likes it when I'm naked and tied up."
Sinclair walked away hurriedly, with the naked dwarf on a leash.
Slade opened the fruit basket and found spray cans, some brushes and a magazine called "Van Boys in Bondage". The front cover had a picture of two young teens tied to a bed and a goat eating the mattress. We unrolled the carpet and there he was. The Trudeau. But this was before he became famous. So we painted him up to look like a Toronto Maple Leaf and tied him to the statue with all the bird poop on it.
In the bottom of the basket was an envelope with five crisp one dollar bills. Jackpot! We ate well for the rest of the week.
Delays. Delays. And words of muted praise.
Last edited by Murphy; Mar 13th, 2018 at 01:31 AM..