Police Say Man With No Hands and No Legs Is Armed and On the Run


Locutus
+7
#1  Top Rated Post
been waiting for this headline all my fukking life.

every hipster 'news' comedian will be stumping this bit for the few days .



Authorities in Florida are searching for an armed quadruple amputee who's reportedly been on the run since Tuesday, hoping to question him about his involvement in a double murder.

Sean Petrozzino, 30, reportedly lost his legs, hands and parts of his arms to bacterial meningitis years ago. Police say he moved in with his parents last week after separating from his wife amidst some serious financial issues.

Both of his parents were both found dead Tuesday morning after Sean's mother, Nancy Petrozzino, failed to show up for her job as a schoolteacher.

Sean Petrozzino was last seen on an ATM surveillance camera Tuesday morning. Although police say he's currently a "person of interest" and not an official suspect in the double murder, a spokesperson did caution that he's armed with a gun.


Police Say Man With No Hands and No Legs Is Armed and On the Run


Picture released of quad amputee Sean Petrozzino after parents' deaths - Orlando Sentinel



gotta hand it to the guy but he won't have a leg to stand on after they catch him.
 
SLM
+3
#2
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

been waiting for this headline all my fukking life.



+1000

You so need to have this framed! LOL


Quote:

every hipster 'news' comedian will be stumping this bit for the few days .



Authorities in Florida are searching for an armed quadruple amputee who's reportedly been on the run since Tuesday, hoping to question him about his involvement in a double murder.

Sean Petrozzino, 30, reportedly lost his legs, hands and parts of his arms to bacterial meningitis years ago. Police say he moved in with his parents last week after separating from his wife amidst some serious financial issues.

Both of his parents were both found dead Tuesday morning after Sean's mother, Nancy Petrozzino, failed to show up for her job as a schoolteacher.

Sean Petrozzino was last seen on an ATM surveillance camera Tuesday morning. Although police say he's currently a "person of interest" and not an official suspect in the double murder, a spokesperson did caution that he's armed with a gun.


Police Say Man With No Hands and No Legs Is Armed and On the Run


Picture released of quad amputee Sean Petrozzino after parents' deaths - Orlando Sentinel

On the run??? How fuking slow are Orlando police?



Quote:

gotta hand it to the guy but he won't have a leg to stand on after they catch him

Quote:

.

 
CDNBear
+2
#3
Loc, you really hit the mother load, lol.
 
Sal
+4
#4
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

gotta hand it to the guy but he won't have a leg to stand on after they catch him.

have to rename him Matt
 
petros
+3
#5
My old man used to tell me "if you fall out of that treehouse and break both your legs, don't come running to me".
 
Locutus
+3
#6
Quote: Originally Posted by Sal View Post

have to rename him Matt

what if they find him floating in the ocean?
 
Colpy
+1
#7
Possibly he bit their kneecaps off.
 
SLM
+2
#8
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

My old man used to tell me "if you fall out of that treehouse and break both your legs, don't come running to me".

Clearly your old man was not a member of the Orlando Police Force.

Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

what if they find him floating in the ocean?

We call him buoy?
 
Sal
+2
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

My old man used to tell me "if you fall out of that treehouse and break both your legs, don't come running to me".

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, that is a great one

yeah it was a bit of a harsher time with that line eh...."don't come running to me"...'cause god forbid unless you were visibly mangled and almost dead they sure as hell weren't gonna come running to you

if they did, they stood you up, brushed you off, pushed you forward and said: "you're fine" the fact that you might be seeing triple wasn't even considered if you could ambulate in any way

and they wonder why our pain threshold is so high in this generation

didn't you know your foot was missing?

yeah, but it seemed okay, in general ya know
 
petros
#10
It's just a big gash on the noggin, just walk it off.
 
Locutus
+1
#11
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

We call him buoy?

Bob. We were looking for Bob. Sorry.
 
petros
+1
#12
If he floats down from a tree his name is Lief.

Or Skip if towed behind a speed boat.
 
Sal
#13
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

what if they find him floating in the ocean?

lol...I think we have it covered
 
Locutus
+2
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

If he floats down from a tree his name is Lief.

Or Skip if towed behind a speed boat.

I pee'd a little there.
 
SLM
+1
#15
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

Bob. We were looking for Bob. Sorry.

 
spaminator
#16
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

Police Say Man With No Hands and No Legs Is Armed and On the Run

 
taxslave
+3
#17
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

what if they find him floating in the ocean?

Then he be called BOB or if he snagged bottom Buoy.
 
SLM
#18
Quote: Originally Posted by taxslave View Post

Then he be called BOB or if he snagged bottom Buoy.

Thank you!!!
 
Locutus
+3
#19
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

awww...it's ok, we have lovely parting gifts for you. there's a can of shasta soda, some rice a roni and a big ol' richard dawson kiss from yours truly.
 
MHz
-1
#20
So much for my joke about them being the only ones that wouldn't be 'the thief'.
 
SLM
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

awww...it's ok, we have lovely parting gifts for you. there's a can of shasta soda, some rice a roni and a big ol' richard dawson kiss from yours truly.

A Richard Dawson kiss? Really? Don't tease me now, cuz I'm pretty sure he used tongue.
 
MHz
+1 / -1
#22
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

I'm pretty sure he used tongue.

To climb stairs with maybe. How dangerous is a suitcase? It isn't like you have to say, 'Stay' when you put him down someplace' (with water and a snack) Then again the Black Knight found employment. (insert working link to Monty Python and the Black Knight vid chip)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKhEw7nD9C4
Last edited by MHz; Nov 8th, 2014 at 12:17 PM..
 
Goober
+2
#23
New flash
Cops shoot & kill multiple murder suspect- Repeatedly told to raise his hands, no response.
Officers felt he was of imminent danger to themselves and contrary to public belief could not shoot him in the legs………
 
Sal
#24
Quote: Originally Posted by Goober View Post

New flash
Cops shoot & kill multiple murder suspect- Repeatedly told to raise his hands, no response.
Officers felt he was of imminent danger to themselves and contrary to public belief could not shoot him in the legs………

hands down

another great line...LOL
 
Goober
+1
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by petros View Post

If he floats down from a tree his name is Lief.

Or Skip if towed behind a speed boat.

The Cops trailed and nailed him............... to a wall, wrong suspect as this fellow was named Art.
 
MHz
#26
Like his two partners, Bob was caught trying to cross a lake and Matt was found in a parking lot.

All in all I can't help but feel it is the end to what was obviously a very bad day already, I say that after walking over here and typing that out in about 30 seconds.

One more part to go and he would make a trustworthy Priest.
 
Locutus
+2
#27
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

A Richard Dawson kiss? Really? Don't tease me now, cuz I'm pretty sure he used tongue.

well...if that's what we're gonna call it then, a 'tongue'...that's just fine.
 
MHz
+1
#28
Doesn't matter what you call him, with no arms and legs it isn't like 'Come.' is in his 'things I can do.' list.
 
SLM
#29
Quote: Originally Posted by Locutus View Post

well...if that's what we're gonna call it then, a 'tongue'...that's just fine.

Ha! Randy this afternoon ain't ya? You cheeky monkey, lol.
 
Locutus
+2
#30
Quote: Originally Posted by SLM View Post

Ha! Randy this afternoon ain't ya? You cheeky monkey, lol.

'this afternoon'
 

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