1. Education: made it into and through Harvard and Oxford on merit. Parents didn't love him enough to bribe his way into a good school like Wharton.
2. Military: Lieutenant Senior Grade, U.S. Naval Reserve. Combat tour in Afghanistan. Doesn't feel like he was in the military because he went to a toy soldier boarding school.
3. Business: Worked as a management consultant for one of the most respected firms in DC. Hasn't bankrupted even one company.
4. Personal life: Married. No evidence of raw-dogging porn stars and paying them hush money, or grabbing anybody by the pussy, or treating teenage beauty contestants as his personal property.
5. Experience: Two-term mayor of South Bend, Indiana. Obviously unacceptable.
6. Foreign Policy Experience: Hasn't spoken glowingly of even ONE murderous dictator. Hasn't done anything to de-nuclearize the Korean Peninsula. Hasn't declared Canada a threat to U.S. national security.
7. Economic policy: Capitalist. Pays his taxes.
8. Religion: Apparently devout Christian.
9. Immigration policy: Hasn't built a big, beautiful wall.
10. Fiscal policy: Hasn't promoted trillion-dollar deficits during times of economic prosperity. Runs South Bend on a balanced budget. Credited with taking South Bend off the "10 Worst Dying Cities in America" list.
11. Racial policy: Fired a black police chief for incompetence and corruption.
12. Faggot: Faggot.
Not bigly covfefe. Loozah!